To expect Sunday as the agreement -update

[TipJarTroubadours]

I'm not sure if anyone actually wants an update, but I was reading another thread where an update was promised and I was disappointed to find that there wasn't an update. Then I remembered I was just as bad. Although I did feel a bit bruised being compared to a rapist.

Link to original thread below but I've also copied the first post in the next reply as I hate clicking on links.

The. Question on the original was really

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation?

Well we all met at my parents at Christmas, my mum who initially thought I was BU, didn't realise that he wasn't paying rent in return for attending Sunday Lunch and was then cross at me for giving things away for free.

My parents then offered to help pay towards accommodation with no strings, but said it would have to come out of his inheritance - my sister didn't want this so it was agreed he would attend after Christmas.

He attended for three weeks and then stopped. I told my sister but said he could live here rent free until the end of the first year but that he can not come back in September. I'm not sure she believes that we will follow through.

For the avoidance of doubt we are not religious, and I guess this is no longer really an AIBU, as I don't think we are.

I think it would be different if it were just her and him. But her plus four young relatives?

And you can't pretend an older man / younger woman isn't different.

Exactly.

She's also teaching her young relatives a really, really important life skill - how to socialise with someone who is outside your usual circle. Invaluable in so many areas of life, and something often badly lacking.

I suppose to me if you want to offer someone something like this out of the goodness of your heart there shouldn't really be strings attached.

No one ever just offers something like this "out of the goodness of their heart". There are always strings. OP is just being honest about what those strings are.

Why on earth would you think that?

Perhaps the favour isn't just the accommodation but what he learns from the arrangement.

I think it's a test of character. If someone can't even be bothered to repay entirely free accommodation with one evening a week making polite conversation with the person who is providing it for them it doesn't bode well for their future success in life.

I guess technically teaching someone good manners and life skiils is "controlling", but you could say that about teaching anything.

I think you should charge him rent and spend the money on therapy.

I agree.

I think that I owe my well paid and rewarding career ( and many other good things in my life ) to the fact that I was taught as a young adult to be able to make conversation with people. To the fact that I can build connections with people. I was taught these skills in situations just like this.