Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect Sunday as the agreement -update

306 replies

TipJarTroubadours · 07/06/2026 19:17

I'm not sure if anyone actually wants an update, but I was reading another thread where an update was promised and I was disappointed to find that there wasn't an update. Then I remembered I was just as bad. Although I did feel a bit bruised being compared to a rapist.

Link to original thread below but I've also copied the first post in the next reply as I hate clicking on links.

The. Question on the original was really

Am I being unreasonable to expect my nephew to do what he agreed to in return for accommodation?

Well we all met at my parents at Christmas, my mum who initially thought I was BU, didn't realise that he wasn't paying rent in return for attending Sunday Lunch and was then cross at me for giving things away for free.

My parents then offered to help pay towards accommodation with no strings, but said it would have to come out of his inheritance - my sister didn't want this so it was agreed he would attend after Christmas.

He attended for three weeks and then stopped. I told my sister but said he could live here rent free until the end of the first year but that he can not come back in September. I'm not sure she believes that we will follow through.

For the avoidance of doubt we are not religious, and I guess this is no longer really an AIBU, as I don't think we are.

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 16/06/2026 09:09

malware · 16/06/2026 00:20

You are all seem very keen on him having some kind of moral learnings here.

He probably already made a compromise - he probably wanted to go into halls with all his peers but his Mum made him go and stay in his aunt's stupid caravan. So having compromised on that he damned if he was going to turn up for the mandated meal every week, He's probably glad he's getting chucked out so now he can live with his mates next year.

Personally I can't think of anything worse then being 18 and living in your aunty's caravan when all your friends are having wild parties in halls. The parties, the laughs, the sex, the booze and the drugs you'd miss out on! Now I am not saying any of this is very sensible. I am just saying I can understand where he's coming from and he's got the rest of his life to be sensible..

Edited

First of all, how is this OP's problem, and why should she subsidise his party life?

Living in a caravan probably gives him a lot more freedom than living with his mum.

Finally, it is quite possible to have a great time while managing some minor responsibilities. He's got six other nights to party. Sunday dinner is what, an hour? He can also party after that!

SexyFrenchDepression · 16/06/2026 09:28

TipJarTroubadours · 14/06/2026 12:22

I have. We enjoy it. It is that simple. Eating together is one of the oldest rituals, something that has been done in all civilisations.

It has allowed us to develop friendships, keep connections. I know more of my children's friends because over the years they have joined us, I know my family better for it. My children grew up seeing their grandparents every weekend, and often their cousins, it keeps us connected.

We all work long hours, this has given us a space to connect, whilst spending time together at a meal.

For those that are living rent free, there has to be a divide, because otherwise why do I charge the others, there are people renting here that deserve a break far more than my family do, but I'm not a commune or a charity, it is a business where we work hard to continue to allow us the privileges that we have.

You say it costs money and takes my free time- both are true but I don't see either of those things as negatives. It isn't unusual to enjoy cooking, whilst some meals do take a lot of work, others are quick, or my husband does them.

I find it really odd but if thats your rules then its your rules. Its very generous for you to offer the caravan for free but I would prefer to ask for something that made them work for it eg maintenance or whatever, not forcing someone into keeping my company.

I do think its a shame you insist on that specific day, what if they wanted a part time job and the hours were on a Sunday, would you stick to your rules then?

LameBorzoi · 16/06/2026 09:36

SexyFrenchDepression · 16/06/2026 09:28

I find it really odd but if thats your rules then its your rules. Its very generous for you to offer the caravan for free but I would prefer to ask for something that made them work for it eg maintenance or whatever, not forcing someone into keeping my company.

I do think its a shame you insist on that specific day, what if they wanted a part time job and the hours were on a Sunday, would you stick to your rules then?

Show quote history

OP has already addressed these points.

SexyFrenchDepression · 16/06/2026 09:39

LameBorzoi · 16/06/2026 09:36

OP has already addressed these points.

Show quote history

I read all the OPs posts on this thread and couldnt see about the Sunday working. I get that she has addressed the other bits but I find it very odd. That said, regardless, its a generous offer and whatever quirky conditions are her choice so shes not actually unreasonable.

Aiming4Optimistic · 16/06/2026 11:32

He hasn't got a Sunday job - prob doesn't need one what with not having any rent to pay. So it's a moot point, really.

IAmKerplunk · 16/06/2026 11:40

Sample size of 4 (me 49) ds (26 been to uni) dd 22 and ds (16 wants to go to uni) we all agreed that we would have loved the chance of a free group meal once a week in lieu of rent! Especially with the proviso that in case of a special reason we could be excused. We would go further and offer to do odd jobs when time allowed too.

Likewise my dd stayed with my sister in Australia for a month in total when travelling and helped with housework/cooked meals in return for free board and food as my sister isn’t loaded and it enabled my dd to stay in Australia for longer by saving money on accommodation.

The op and op’s reasons for offering this don’t matter - they are in a position to offer it and dn was in a position to say no, but didn’t.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page