To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

[KerriiK]

My DD got married two weeks ago, a lovely day and we are so happy for her. However, she was upset following one of the speeches and I’m aware it has had a bit of a knock on effect and cause some tension between her and her husband since.

The best man gave a rambling speech which was more of a wannabe stand up routine. He spoke about the groom’s ex partners, made an inappropriate comparison to my DD (‘the thing they all had in common was a big chest’) and told a story about walking in on the groom on a lads holiday with a woman where the punch line was ‘had his face in her c*’ which had many of the guests gasping. A genuinely disgusting speech and my DD was upset after in the bathroom.

It has caused issues because of a specific detail and the best man will have known including this will have had that impact. The ‘defence’ of his speech was that he was really drunk and that it was tame compared to others he has heard.

I was talked out of giving him a piece of my mind on the day, but the more I have reflected since, the more wound up I’ve become.

My DP says I should leave it, but I really want to say something to him. I know who he is from Facebook and could easily message him. I just feel angry at him for tainting such a special day.

Leave it now. Not your place. Groom can decide if the friendship is worth it long term

It's not great and I get why your DD is upset. I don't think that you'll do any good wading in and confronting the best man though. I'd be supportive of your DD but leave it to the couple on how they want to deal with it.

He’s a twat but this isn’t really your place op. It should be the groom having it out with him or your daughter.

That’s so sad that your Daughter’s special day was ruined.

I once went to a wedding where the best man recounted a time when the groom had been rushed to hospital with severe lacerations to his penis. He had performed a sex act using the hose of a vacuum cleaner. (I know this to be 100% true).

when I read the title I thought absolutely not but being honest having read this, I would!

I disagree.

If a woman had a friend walk in on her while she was giving a partner a blow job, would it be fair game for retelling in front of her friends and family?

I'd wait & take revenge at my leisure.

I don’t know about ‘social strata’, but I’ve only ever encountered one best man who started to overstep the mark, one of the other trio of ‘best men’ intervened.

Anyway, OP - maybe it won’t do any good but I reckon that bloke deserves to have it hammered home how shameful his behaviour was.

Best man is already not bothered, he won't be bothered you speaking to him either.
Just let it go, as unjust as that feels. You won't get what you want out of it.

This was quite a posh wedding, the best men really thought he was being funny. The only one where I have been where nothing shady was said was where my DH was the best man. Otherwise regardless of the social strata as you put it I have found the best man will say something that upsets someone because he is trying so hard to be funny. The worse speech I ever saw though was from the a brides father when his daughter a protestant was marrying into our Catholic family. He went on and on about how he never imagined his daughter would marry into the other side or one of those. That was truly embaressing.

What an arsehole… It just annoys me that the bride puts so much effort into a wedding. Making everything happen & taking care of the little details. And so looks forward to their special moment. All the groom has to do is polish his shoes, the least he could do is stop his mate from being a prat. I feel terrible for your DD, honestly…

this situation is so common its a part of the Premier Inns ad. It shouldn't be but it is. Leave it to your daughter to sort out. Bit amazed that no one stopped it at the wedding though.

I was at a wedding where the master of ceremonies actually removed a guest due to lewd comments during a speech. Admittedly it wasn’t the best man but surely someone could have stepped up and removed them/ told him to shut up. I’d be fuming but let the groom handle it, if they are still friends that is.

I really, really don't understand why men do this. When my brother got married, his best friend (since they were 7 years old and brother married at age 38) gave a moving, delightful speech in which he explained - with lovely, innocently funny stories - why he was honoured to be best man to "the best man I've ever had the privilege to know". It's all the more poignant in retrospect because my brother's friend died suddenly and completely unexpectedly 4 years ago.

I think your SiL sghould have stopped him there and then and if he hasn't subsequently given him an earful, he's already a disappointment.

You need to let it go.

I would be leaving it to DDs husband to be speaking to his 'friend' about the speech. Was the groom not embarrassed?

Not much you can do now and speaking to him won’t gain anything either.

best for you and your dd to move on, I would have expected your son in law to have warned him about his speech before he did it. Remember your sil was much younger when this happened and even although it’s not nice to hear he has matured… hopefully.

he obviously thought he was a comedian with no thought for anyone else.

my bill was warned by me and dh to not be a smart arse at his speech or he would be stopped,

That’s awful and I’d think less of your new SIL as well if that’s the company he keeps. I’ve never been at a wedding where the speeches have been like that but my hairdresser was telling me about one he was at last year and he was disgusted as well. I can’t blame your DD for being mad and she is nbu to never speak to the best man again or to want anything to do with him. However as I’ve said earlier I’d be expecting her new husband to have had a word with him and to also be fuming.

We had a family wedding where the best man’s speech was terrible and things were said on the day. Whilst I understand your feelings, doing it now probably won’t achieve anything.

Firstly having sex with your partner is very different to being caught having sex (or something close to) with someone who isn’t your partner. I don’t understand why you’re disagreeing?

Obviously it’s crude and horrendous for either scenario to be relayed in front of your friends and family? But surely you can see that the groom is also at fault in the OPs story? Unless he was unconscious when found with his face in someone’s vagina who wasn’t his fiancee? How is he not also at fault here; you only get a story like that from a best man when the groom has done something in the first place to tell! And obviously best man shouldn’t have said anything on the day, but since he did then I think they’re both equally grim.

Don’t get involved. Your daughter is a grown woman and should be capable of speaking to the best man if necessary

In her cunt apparently

Really? Almost every wedding?? I’ve never had that at weddings I’ve attended.

This. And if the new husband is defending or trying to justify or laugh this away then he’s the one who needs a chat. The things you’ve mentioned are beyond awful and it’s no wonder your DD is upset.

I think this must say a lot about you and the people you mix with.

I've been to many, many weddings for all sorts of people over my lifetime and I have NEVER heard a best man give a speech like this.
Yes, the odd one where a joke didn't land, but, overwhelmingly men telling the guests what a great friend the groom is / has been, with the odd story about something everyone there would find a bit amusing.