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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

311 replies

KerriiK · 07/06/2026 15:39

My DD got married two weeks ago, a lovely day and we are so happy for her. However, she was upset following one of the speeches and I’m aware it has had a bit of a knock on effect and cause some tension between her and her husband since.

The best man gave a rambling speech which was more of a wannabe stand up routine. He spoke about the groom’s ex partners, made an inappropriate comparison to my DD (‘the thing they all had in common was a big chest’) and told a story about walking in on the groom on a lads holiday with a woman where the punch line was ‘had his face in her c*’ which had many of the guests gasping. A genuinely disgusting speech and my DD was upset after in the bathroom.

It has caused issues because of a specific detail and the best man will have known including this will have had that impact. The ‘defence’ of his speech was that he was really drunk and that it was tame compared to others he has heard.

I was talked out of giving him a piece of my mind on the day, but the more I have reflected since, the more wound up I’ve become.

My DP says I should leave it, but I really want to say something to him. I know who he is from Facebook and could easily message him. I just feel angry at him for tainting such a special day.

OP posts:
florenceandthemac · 08/06/2026 12:59

This is definitely one the groom should be dealing with

Anarchy99 · 08/06/2026 17:08

Why not just let them get on with it and just be there if needed. She’s married to him now and she can’t get divorced for a while. Involving yourself in her marriage won’t help

KerriiK · 08/06/2026 17:54

Anarchy99 · 08/06/2026 17:08

Why not just let them get on with it and just be there if needed. She’s married to him now and she can’t get divorced for a while. Involving yourself in her marriage won’t help

I’m not proposing I involve myself in their marriage, am I.

My DD’s husband has ‘had a word’ with the best man, but he deserves both barrels frankly.

OP posts:
KerriiK · 08/06/2026 17:55

Pinkchickenwine · 08/06/2026 12:57

Sadly, I think put this way, it’s very true. What a day to find out your intended life partner is not what you thought he was. The delivery from the best man was vile! But he should never have had this “ammunition”. Did she really not know the man she was marrying? I mean “you can tell a person “by the company they keep”.

You state your DD didn’t know about the strip club, because he hid it, but she does now, she where does she go with it now? She’s been shown who he is, what’s he saying?

I mean i bet he’s livid with his best man for spilling the beans, but as I said previously he gave him the
ammo, not sure he’ll discuss his future strip club, or private dance escapades with the BM again. How does your DD feel about him having discussed their sex life with his BM, because she’ll be on that talked about list.

It’s a nightmare!

She’s aware most stag do’s can involve this sort of thing and isn’t going to pretend otherwise, but she wanted to be forewarned it had happened, it was the element of surprise which really upset her.

OP posts:
AHalfling · 08/06/2026 18:20

KerriiK · 08/06/2026 17:55

She’s aware most stag do’s can involve this sort of thing and isn’t going to pretend otherwise, but she wanted to be forewarned it had happened, it was the element of surprise which really upset her.

She sounds very passive. I wouldt have married DH if I thought there was even the slightest chance he would go on a stag do like that

Dozer · 08/06/2026 18:23

it’s not ‘most stag dos’.

Understandable she’s humiliated. Your anger is displaced, though. Best man behaved terribly but he is friends with and was chosen by the groom, who is also the one who paid a sex worker.

JenniferBooth · 08/06/2026 18:36

Bet the SIL wouldnt like it if your DD did a lap dance for a male neighbour or threatened to. The misogyny usually comes laced with hypocrisy

Pinkchickenwine · 08/06/2026 18:38

KerriiK · 08/06/2026 17:55

She’s aware most stag do’s can involve this sort of thing and isn’t going to pretend otherwise, but she wanted to be forewarned it had happened, it was the element of surprise which really upset her.

It’s not lost stage dos, that’s what the sort of men who have these stag dos proclaim, but it’s not the case!

And he didn’t bother to forewarn her, did she not ask what he did on his stag do, did he forget?

Pinkchickenwine · 08/06/2026 18:53

KerriiK · 08/06/2026 17:54

I’m not proposing I involve myself in their marriage, am I.

My DD’s husband has ‘had a word’ with the best man, but he deserves both barrels frankly.

As does your SIL, has his new bride done that? Or is he hiding behind his BM being in the wrong…..

wherearethesnacks · 08/06/2026 18:57

The best man knew exactly what he was doing. He was aware the groom was lying to your daughter about the stripper and couldn't wait to ruin her day by telling her in public.

He really wanted to humiliate her and show her what she'd been duped into marrying.

shelvedplans · 08/06/2026 21:56

KerriiK · 08/06/2026 17:55

She’s aware most stag do’s can involve this sort of thing and isn’t going to pretend otherwise, but she wanted to be forewarned it had happened, it was the element of surprise which really upset her.

Did the face in ‘you know what’ happen on the stag do too?

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