To message the best man about his speech at my DD’s wedding?

[KerriiK]

My DD got married two weeks ago, a lovely day and we are so happy for her. However, she was upset following one of the speeches and I’m aware it has had a bit of a knock on effect and cause some tension between her and her husband since.

The best man gave a rambling speech which was more of a wannabe stand up routine. He spoke about the groom’s ex partners, made an inappropriate comparison to my DD (‘the thing they all had in common was a big chest’) and told a story about walking in on the groom on a lads holiday with a woman where the punch line was ‘had his face in her c*’ which had many of the guests gasping. A genuinely disgusting speech and my DD was upset after in the bathroom.

It has caused issues because of a specific detail and the best man will have known including this will have had that impact. The ‘defence’ of his speech was that he was really drunk and that it was tame compared to others he has heard.

I was talked out of giving him a piece of my mind on the day, but the more I have reflected since, the more wound up I’ve become.

My DP says I should leave it, but I really want to say something to him. I know who he is from Facebook and could easily message him. I just feel angry at him for tainting such a special day.

Advise your DD to cut out all photography or videos featuring best man. Drop him as a friend. Son in law needs to lead the action.

Be prepared to support your DD if she splits with her husband. A keeper he is not.

Best man was a poor choice.
Best man allowed himself to be drunk.
No one stepped in to stop his mouth.
Groom obviously has disgusting friends.
Groom has form for sleazy decisions.

I hope these activities were one offs from a very long time ago.

I think you know this really, but the real problem is the groom;
a) he chose this awful person to be his best man
b) he doesn't seem to deny any of the deeply unpleasant stories told about them
c) he is the kind of person who goes on "lads holidays"
d) he went to a strip club and didn't tell his fiancée. (And more importantly did check first)
e).he is the kind of person who goes to strip clubs

I hope these activities were one offs from a very long time ago.

If you read the OP, one of the activities was a recent trip to a strip club.

It is possible to have very funny best man speeches without smut and humiliation.

There are some very poor standards and expectations, regarding this and what it exposes.

This is the antithesis of what a wedding is - cruel, attention seeking and whilst, you would hope for more from the grooms behaviour in fidelity prior to the wedding, protecting his wife and cutting this friend off - that it hasn’t happened, is more of an issue than the speech.

It sounds awful, but it should have been stopped diplomatically at the time. Like others have said, the groom should have done something.

This

I used to Dj at weddings and some of the best man speeches were cringe worthy lol.Once a brides father literally dragged the best man outside and beat him up for something similar.He was going through all the things they got up to lads holidays ect.Very funny but totally inappropriate.The groom should have stopped him at the time really,it’s to late now.

Leave it

Sell your story? Take a break pay £200 - £2000.

https://www.sellusyourstory.com/

One thing you do not want to do is make the situation worse

The best man sounds vile but I’d be more concerned about the fact that your son in law is friends with a person like that, chose him for his best man and the fact he goes to strip clubs.

He doesn’t sound like a great choice. .

Personally if your DD now knows what her H's friendship group is like and that he goes to strip clubs - if he went to one on his own stag do he will have been to others - then i think she has bigger problems to come in the future than this disgusting behaviour at her wedding.

It's not up to you to do anything about this revealing speech but I think given what you now know about her H and his friends you need to be there to support her in dealing with her future marital problems.

Yes her daughter is an adult, but I bet the parents paid for the shit show!

I would not contact him. Hopefully beyond the deep cringe factor, no harm done. He mostly made an arse of himself, not your DD and her husband. So what is husband had sex on holiday in the past, who hasn't. And the comments on women's breasts just reflect on the best man himself.

And if paying for the wedding had included paying for the hire of a best man to make an appropriate speech, then that would be an argument for the OP involving herself in the situation, as the best man would have failed to deliver his contracted service. But as he can't be classed with the florist and the caterer, it's irrelevant who paid. It's not the OP's business.

I’m utterly astonished nobody got up and tried to stop him?! You all just sat there in shock and didn’t attempt to save your DD from being utterly mortified! It’s weird, the DH should have stopped it or another of his mates imo. Very, very shameful behaviour.

Dreadful man. I can well understand you wanting to give him a piece of your mind.
I would make it clear to your son in law that you never ever want the best man in your house or to clap eyes on him ever again. Not in an arguing way, but calmly, clearly. So he understands.

I'd move on from the best man and start wondering about the groom and supporting your daughter. It doesn't sound great to be honest.

What’s even worse is that the brides parents have often paid for the wedding, just to let some arsehole attempt to humiliate their daughter, on their dime.

What does your DD say? I’d only do anything if she agrees.

It was her business when scum bag husband was expecting parents to pay for it!

The problem is not the best man, it’s who she’s married. He’s already hiding a trip to a strip club and a lap dance.

she’s going to need a lot of support from you

What was the Groom’s speech like?

He should have been stopped at the time, no point now the damage has been done.

This! He kept her in the dark about his sleazy trips to strip clubs and allowed her to be humiliated at this revelation on what should’ve been the most important day of her life! Whether she says it out loud or not, she is going to be in turmoil inside wondering what else he’s been hiding! He’s not fit for purpose! I agree with PP, when it inevitably all comes out in the wash she will need a lot of support from you.

Sadly, I think put this way, it’s very true. What a day to find out your intended life partner is not what you thought he was. The delivery from the best man was vile! But he should never have had this “ammunition”. Did she really not know the man she was marrying? I mean “you can tell a person “by the company they keep”.

You state your DD didn’t know about the strip club, because he hid it, but she does now, she where does she go with it now? She’s been shown who he is, what’s he saying?

I mean i bet he’s livid with his best man for spilling the beans, but as I said previously he gave him the
ammo, not sure he’ll discuss his future strip club, or private dance escapades with the BM again. How does your DD feel about him having discussed their sex life with his BM, because she’ll be on that talked about list.

It’s a nightmare!