To wonder why we have more than one child?

[whydowe]

I posted recently on a FB parenting group at the end of my tether with my two kids. I was honest that I like parenting them both apart but not together. Was pleasantly surprised by the kind responses and overwhelmingly the responses were ‘me too.’

I guess I’m wondering why we do it. I know a lot of people seem to have a second to give the first a brother / sister but have to admit that wasn’t my motivation; I really wanted another child, think I had a feeling of having missed out over covid.

Why do we want a second so much?

I stopped at one. I knew my own limits. 😂 Occasionally I thought about siblings for my DC but I knew deep down I was only capable of being a decent mum to one child. I don’t have the patience or the attention span for any more.

It would be equally valid to ask why have one at all?

Do you think so? As I think that’s obvious; to have a child! Having had a child, why do we seek to add to this?

I had 2 close together so there wasn't really any thoughts process!

But now they are older I absolutely love their relationship and also how different they are. Getting to know their personalities. Seeing how the genes get mixed up and how they are similar and different at the same time.

I find one child on their own much harder than doing things as a gang.

I would have loved to keep having babies tbh!

It's a simple matter of biology.

It’s a biological imperative.

Well for me it was that I loved the first one so much I didn’t want her to miss out on a sibling .

I am an only child so I’m not going to have one child if possible. I had two and for a few years it felt like someone was missing until I had my third and my heart and home is full.

I would have 5/6 children if I could afford them and knew I wouldn’t feel guilty about giving them enough of my time equally.
We have 3 and it’s heaven for me 98% of the time (I know it’s not for everyone and every family is different)

This is kind of a strange question OP.

Like any other choice in life, people decide based on personal preference, life circumstances and practicalities.

I wanted 4 DC. I’m one of 4 myself. For me, I couldn’t imagine only 1 child. In the end I had 3, due to my marriage ending. Not logical at all, but I still feel sad I didn’t have 4.

I dont think its a logical decision. We are animals and like all animals we are driven to reproduce.
Not every member of the species has that drive, but generally speaking, its instinct that we dress up as carefully thought out choice.

For me it was because I loved the childhood I had with my sibling and I really value the relationship that new have now. I wanted that for my own dc. That shared history is not something that you can ever have with anyone else.

For me, because they're bloody lovely. The little shits 🤣 Genuinely my absolute favourite people.

I’m not close to my DB even though there’s only 3 years between us. I think that’s maybe why I never had to urge to give DS a sibling.
im happy with one. I love him so much, I love being a boy mum and doing boy things. I couldn’t imagine trying to spread myself to someone else too (apart from DH of course!)

A long term inadequate birth rate is one of the major problems the UK (and much of Europe) has.

Because I loved being pregnant, I loved having a baby, I loved seeing them develop into their own little person and I genuinely thought was amazing that we’d created a brilliant little being and so we wanted to do it all over again. However, wanting a sibling for the first was also a big factor in our decision to have a second.

I often wonder if most people have one more child than is optimal for them, just I think you have a baby, it’s amazing and you’re riding the wave of postpartum hormones so you want another one. Generally people stop when it gets a bit too much to handle when if they’d stopped at one less it wouldn’t have got too much to handle in the first place.

I didn’t… Dh was so ill so much of the time and despite having a very straightforward birth I was terrified of doing it again - the idea that an experience that hideous was the GOOD version was too much. I wish I’d felt able to have more because I see a lot of lovely sibling relationships around. But I see a lot of awful ones too and in the end having one has been absolutely ok. It would t have taken much to get us to have another though, and if my first husband had wanted children I’d have had at least one of his. It is interesting that only one of my several ex partners has had a child though.

I have 5 boys (grown up now) and I loved it - I always wanted a houseful. Mine played together well, the odd argument but generally all got on. I didn't find parenting more than one stressful but I did try to have one to one time with each of them. Having a big family is lovely even if you feel a bit stretched thin at times.

My mum
and older cousin are both only children and had spoken about always wanting siblings.
also I found two so much easier than one once they were a bit older that it seemed a good idea to add a third!
it was a great idea - they’re adults now and very close.

I didn’t want my son to be alone when we get old and go. So we gave him a sister. There’s no guarantee they will get along but if they do then hopefully he will have family around. And no 2 is beautiful. She’s so different to him. He’s shy, she’s super confident. He’s chill, she’s a complete live wire. I think as they grow then hopefully their good and bad traits might even out a bit and that could be developmentally very helpful.

I have one and feel content. Occasionally I think what if I had another but honestly I’m happy with one. I don’t like the expectation of having two, it winds me up sometimes, but I think anything slightly outside of societal norms is commented on.

I had more than one because I grew up with siblings and couldn't imagine growing up without any.
Also having lost a parent I realised how important it was to have someone close to share childhood memories with. A friend is an only child and for most of her child hood it was only her and her mother, when she died she had no close relations left and no one to share memories of her mother I didn't want that for my child

For me its been easier with two. I struggled with the intense 1:1 dynamic and pressure to play when I only had one. Now they play together (when they're not fighting!)

Ooh I think theres something to that. It's hormones. I love the idea of loads of kids and if youd asked me to have more in the early days i definitely would have. But I also know its not best for our family and now im out of that i don't feel the biological urge.

I sort of figured out that i didn't want two, I just wanted to do it forever with my only baby (if if she drives me round the twist a lot of the time 😆)