To wonder why we have more than one child?

[whydowe]

I posted recently on a FB parenting group at the end of my tether with my two kids. I was honest that I like parenting them both apart but not together. Was pleasantly surprised by the kind responses and overwhelmingly the responses were ‘me too.’

I guess I’m wondering why we do it. I know a lot of people seem to have a second to give the first a brother / sister but have to admit that wasn’t my motivation; I really wanted another child, think I had a feeling of having missed out over covid.

Why do we want a second so much?

Totally agree wrt affordability and practicality - It was this way before women entered the workforce in large numbers.

Today, government / employers must do everything possible to make it affordable and practical, but its unlikely they could ever match the pre-60s scenario, though they certainly can do better than what we have now.

I have 3 and have never really struggled with having them together. They all get on well, and we’ve got to ages 13, 11 and 7 with just mild bickering. So I guess the answer is that it isn’t the same for everyone? I had 3 because I wanted 3.

I didn’t want a second one for ages. Then I had this overwhelming urge to have another. 5 months in I'm questioning everything.

lost both parents young and would have found it harder without siblings. Was a big driver for me to not leave DC1 alone in the world

Nor me. I watch my friends wrestle with two kids, constant fighting, jealousy etc and am glad I stuck with one.
I got a dog instead which has taught dd responsibility and consideration for others. She’s a teen now and loves it how it is. Maybe she’d have loved a sibling, who knows. All her friends have one sibling and they don’t speak positively about them.

Me too. I needed my siblings when my parents died. We are not particularly close but we have a shared childhood and memories. The thought of my child having no one to share memories with was enough for me to want more than one.

I agree with this. I am much, much closer to my friends than my siblings but our parents dying was quite a bonding experience.

And although we’re not particularly close, I can’t imagine my childhood without them.

I have a few half-hearted pangs but as we’re preparing for our only to start reception in September, I feel done with the nursery years and glad we don’t have another still at nursery!

We wanted a sibling for our child. I have friends who are single children now coping on their own with ageing parents and similar and it’s a lot. I have my sibs to share the load.
I also adore them. For many people your brother or sister will be the longest relationship you’ll ever have.

Yes, my brother died of young and I find the pressure of being an only child to ageing parents really difficult. I wish I had him here to share some the load with. Or even to just whinge to, about them 😁

I've got a sister. She'll be an addition to the load, not someone to split it with.

It's always a bit of a chance as to whether siblings will actually help with that tbh.

Everything in life is a chance. My parents had 2 children for whatever reason, and then one died. I imagine they didn’t anticipate that happening.
We all make decisions based on our own personal experiences.

Agreed.

But I'm just making the point that people talking about wanting a second to split the load of aging parents aren't guaranteeing that will happen for their first.

No, nothing is a guarantee.

I just whinge to my DH and adult DS!

Edited: sorry that sounded a bit flippant in light of your loss.

My point was that you don't need to have two or more children specifically so that they have someone to whinge to about their aging parents.