To wonder why we have more than one child?

[whydowe]

I posted recently on a FB parenting group at the end of my tether with my two kids. I was honest that I like parenting them both apart but not together. Was pleasantly surprised by the kind responses and overwhelmingly the responses were ‘me too.’

I guess I’m wondering why we do it. I know a lot of people seem to have a second to give the first a brother / sister but have to admit that wasn’t my motivation; I really wanted another child, think I had a feeling of having missed out over covid.

Why do we want a second so much?

I have one, I don’t want another, always thought I’d just have one. Surely it’s your decision and not something you just go along with it? Although it seems looking at this thread that people just don’t think of the consequences of having two, there are lots and lots of cons in having multiples, few benefits.

My current bug bear is days out that sell "family" tickets for 2 adults and 2 kids for LESS that 2 adults and 1 child. Those businesses don't get our custom.

We had a second because we loved being parents to our first child and we wanted him to have a sibling. We never found parenting particularly difficult and have found it to be mostly enjoyable. Some people aren’t suited to having children.

What is a boy thing?

I didn't experience any cons at all only benefits.

I have two, they were 2 under 2 so I've really gotten used to always dealing with them as a pair, and even now that they're teens they're completely inseparable. I always felt settled the minute I had my two, whereas I found 1 much harder, strangely.

Different strokes for different folks. I have 4 kids. We’re a good team and they get along at different times. Our house is chaos, love and fun. I had 4 because I was one of 4 and quiet and order isn’t me. Whatever suits people suits them

I had an extreme urge to have a baby. That same urge returned. The day DC1 walked for the first time we decided to try for another. DC2 was born nine months to the day after :) Never had the same urge since, although I do think about a third now I'm 41 and time is running out...

I always wanted 3.

But then needed IVF to have my one and although I do go back and forth about going through IVF again to give her a sibling, I am very happy with just my daughter and feel that my heart and my home is full with just the 3 of us in it.

I always swore I only wanted 1 and I just had my 4th . The secret is leaving enough time between them .
i think by k siblings are highly beneficial, i wish i saw it sooner

I have enjoyed motherhood much more since having my second. I obviously don't know what it would be like to have a single older child, but I am reasonably certain I prefer having my tiny gang of two. I don't especially want three. I think different people suit different people and there is nothing universal about that being one.

Incidentally, I would never have posted about how much I love having two on your initial thread you describe about struggling with two, as obviously it would be massively insensitive! I'm sure plenty of people think like you but a thread like that will always overrepresent them.

I like having two, yes they fight and are annoying but they play together literally all the time apart from school and talk all day long. My sister and I were like that too. I'm not sure how I'd go having just one. Seems like you'd have to play with them a lot (I'd hate that tbh).

AleaEim
I have one, I don’t want another, always thought I’d just have one. Surely it’s your decision and not something you just go along with it? Although it seems looking at this thread that people just don’t think of the consequences of having two, there are lots and lots of cons in having multiples, few benefits.

i don’t think you can quantify or compare a situation that you haven’t been in in this case. There’s pros and cons to everything. I would never say there’s tons and tons of cons of the alternative to my family (4 kids all happy, healthy, all get along great).

This makes sense to me. I had one, found it almost too easy, so had a second - and found it very hard. Now I'm stopping at two 😅 I never would've stopped at one because I was thinking "isn't this lovely and easy, a second of these would be great!"

Curious: what age are your kids??

8 and 5

I was an only child for nearly all my childhood
and hated it

My mother had my sister but by that time I was so much older that I didn’t really have anything in common with her. I was working whilst she was in primary school etc

I had 2 quite close together and they had a blast as children and get along as adults. They are in business together and work together.

Looking at them fills me with love and envy.

They got what I wanted

I have no idea, I stopped at one after experiencing what it’s like.

I’m fully convinced a lot of people have kids just because.

Why is it obvious to have one though? To "have" a child? Why? And if so, why not more?

It is an evolutionary genetic imperative.

I just felt the urge I guess. Hormones and evolution is hard to resist. I'm not sure there has to be hard logic. Let's face it, if was a business idea for Alan Sugar or Dragons dens it's a non starter with even one child.

I love babies too. Loved being pg. Loved newborns. Love being a mum. But the biggest reason? Short term memory loss that came back like a slap in the face when I read the words above the ultrasound door. At 12weeks with my second "oh my god! I remember. What the fuck have I done?" 🤣 then had two more after that just to be sure it really was a bad idea.

I wish I'd had more.

I sometimes feel this way, but I wouldn't change them for the world. There is only 2 years between my 2 children and they fight like hell. My daughter (11) is autistic and my son (9) knows exactly how to wind her up. Normally resulting in my daughter blowing up and hurting my son! 🤯 I was an only child and my husband is one of 8. It took us 5 years to fall pregnant with my daughter and our son was a surprise! How old are your children OP?

Have three or four. Amateurs. We’re not here on this Earth to have quiet neat houses.

Because our species would cease to exist if we stopped at one 🤷‍♀️

Same as you. One is lovely. DH is totally 50/50 in care (55/45 in the actual day to day if I’m honest, although I do more of the ‘admin’). We both get time to ourselves to rest and be someone other than parents. While I sometimes look at siblings together and think ‘awww’ I know that the reality would make life much harder than it currently is.