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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why we have more than one child?

299 replies

whydowe · 04/06/2026 21:34

I posted recently on a FB parenting group at the end of my tether with my two kids. I was honest that I like parenting them both apart but not together. Was pleasantly surprised by the kind responses and overwhelmingly the responses were ‘me too.’

I guess I’m wondering why we do it. I know a lot of people seem to have a second to give the first a brother / sister but have to admit that wasn’t my motivation; I really wanted another child, think I had a feeling of having missed out over covid.

Why do we want a second so much?

OP posts:
LetsSkipToNextChapter · 04/06/2026 23:40

Everyone thinks they are an amazing parent so go on to have another. Then they realise they weren’t so brilliant and just got lucky first time round.

elm26 · 05/06/2026 00:00

My first was the “perfect” baby, chilled, slept through 7-7 from 14 weeks old and still does now sg 3. Thought this is wonderful, let’s go again! 9 month old DS is the COMPLETE opposite 😂 we adore him obviously, just as much as we do DD but he is feisty, not laid back and doesn't love sleep so no more for us 🤣 first lulled me into a false sense of security lol.

ScrambledTofuNeedsKalaNamak · 05/06/2026 00:20

I'm the eldest and have two younger siblings. In my thoughts I used to ask my parents this exact question constantly.

DryShampooing · 05/06/2026 00:50

AsparagusSeason · 04/06/2026 23:35

You don’t have more than one for you, you do it for your children. Who’d want to be an only child? It’s not the end of the world, but having siblings to grow up with is the ideal.

It really isn’t.

PrimeSeason · 05/06/2026 01:02

I am an only child - I swore I would not have an only child.
I have two adult children. They did not get along well as kids and teenagers but are now really close.
Hang on in there OP.

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 05/06/2026 01:09

Only child from small family and found it sort of ok at times but equally incredibly lonely. I'd love a sibling even now as an adult. It's a relationship I'll never experience.
As soon as I was pregnant with my first I knew I'd want another just for them to not have the same feelings I did.

They play beautifully sometimes, it's tricky but worth it for them to have a constant playmate.

If you ever want 2 kids to feel easy then just have a third, then 2 feels like a holiday 😀

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 05/06/2026 01:09

Only child from small family and found it sort of ok at times but equally incredibly lonely. I'd love a sibling even now as an adult. It's a relationship I'll never experience.
As soon as I was pregnant with my first I knew I'd want another just for them to not have the same feelings I did.

They play beautifully sometimes, it's tricky but worth it for them to have a constant playmate.

If you ever want 2 kids to feel easy then just have a third, then 2 feels like a holiday 😀

ghostofchristmaspasta · 05/06/2026 01:52

I would only ever have one, as an only child myself I always knew that I would only have one.

It’s not to say I don’t see the appeal of having more but I like to be able to dedicate 100% of everything to my only. It’s not logical but I feel like every resource, (money, attention, time, etc.) would be halved by having another. I can invest everything into the one and give her the best childhood possible. Even down the road when looking at inheritance my only child will get everything, no arguments or hassle.

I loved being an only child, felt sorry for my cousins who had lots of siblings running around and resented it. My DH always wished (probably still wishes) he was an only too so he was in agreement, it was never even a consideration.

The only downside I see is the possibility for loneliness but that hasn’t been an issue at all because I’m able to invest in supporting friendships and close family bonds.

I don’t think it’s the ‘right’ choice but it certainly is the right choice for us.

ghostofchristmaspasta · 05/06/2026 02:00

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 05/06/2026 01:09

Only child from small family and found it sort of ok at times but equally incredibly lonely. I'd love a sibling even now as an adult. It's a relationship I'll never experience.
As soon as I was pregnant with my first I knew I'd want another just for them to not have the same feelings I did.

They play beautifully sometimes, it's tricky but worth it for them to have a constant playmate.

If you ever want 2 kids to feel easy then just have a third, then 2 feels like a holiday 😀

It’s so interesting that I posed right after you, saying practically the direct opposite, even though we’re both only children. ☺️

Firefly1987 · 05/06/2026 02:10

AsparagusSeason · 04/06/2026 23:35

You don’t have more than one for you, you do it for your children. Who’d want to be an only child? It’s not the end of the world, but having siblings to grow up with is the ideal.

Yeah sure, parents are just THAT selfless they're having kids they don't want for their first child. I'll bet if the child wanted a puppy instead and the parents didn't they suddenly wouldn't be so selfless...

I would've loved to be an only child-I basically grew up as one anyway as I have much older siblings. My mum had a wonderful life, so did my two best friends who were only children. I on the other hand am NC with one sibling and LC with the other (they are both NC with each other too) I only stay LC with one so my mum doesn't have to host 3 separate Christmases.

MoodlesRay · 05/06/2026 03:27

I’m one of six! There was nothing awful in childhood and we all have a good relationship. I have an only, I got the impression very early on that my dc was born to be an only and likely wouldn’t cope with a sibling. 13 years on and thankfully I read right and a sibling would have been a worst night apparently!

Interestingly of the six of us siblings two of us have only’s, two have three and two have none at all. None of us have gone on to recreate the family we came from. My dc and my brothers only are close as cousins almost like siblings but able to have space from each other.

Mothership4two · 05/06/2026 03:33

I'm an only child and didn't want that for my own children.

My Mum was one of 8 and wanted an only because of her childhood of hand-me-downs and sharing a home with so many silblings

Zanatdy · 05/06/2026 03:44

I have 3, but quite big age gaps, they are now 32, 21 and 18. No 1 was not intentional (I was 16) but 2 and 3 were because I genuinely wanted a baby. DS2 was a difficult baby, but due to health issues, milk allergy so no doubt uncomfortable and cried a lot. But been very lucky as all great kids. I am ready now for a rest, and putting myself first a bit more. 13 days and the school run is over for good, 28yrs after I first started it!

JillThePlantKiller · 05/06/2026 03:51

It wasn’t logical for me at all.

I was iffy about the first, but dh really wanted us to have a baby. I hated being pregnant and the labour was awful. But from the moment she was born, my body absolutely craved another and the longing only subsided when I got pregnant again .

I was miserable through that pregnancy, gave birth (I remember begging dh to make sure we never had another) and from the moment I held the baby in my arms, desperately wanted another.

DH held firm, and the desperate desire eventually subsided when dc was about six.

Rounder888 · 05/06/2026 04:07

Ohh I have 2 and would love another 2, but may run out of time so will aim for 3. I love them, I find babies quite easy to deal with, love watching the sibling relationship develop. I was also one of two, and always wished we had another sibling to bounce off as well. Parent is an only child and hated it so much, which probably subconsciously influenced me

icannotlivelaughloveintheseconditions · 05/06/2026 05:32

I had two close together and found it very easy but they were fairly chilled kids and I was in my twenties. I decided I wanted another in my thirties and had one at 37. I love him but it’s so hard. I have no idea why I did it.

SquirrelGG · 05/06/2026 05:38

YourShyLion · 04/06/2026 23:05

Speaking as an only child it's cruel to have only one child if you have the ability to have more.

Speaking as an only child - what a load of rubbish! I was very happy being an only and never wanted a sibling. My mother was also an only and presumably didn't find it so terrible that she felt the need to have more than one herself.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 05/06/2026 05:47

I have absolutely no idea😂 I’m an only and I have an only.
Parents with 2 or more seem far more stressed, overwhelmed (and poorer!)
The only time I have wished for a sibling in 50 years is now - providing support for my elderly widowed mum.

FromRwithL · 05/06/2026 05:50

I had a second so my oldest has a sibling. I grew up an only child and could never put my own child through that, only having one was never an option.

LittleRedButton · 05/06/2026 05:50

whydowe · 04/06/2026 21:39

Do you think so? As I think that’s obvious; to have a child! Having had a child, why do we seek to add to this?

Show quote history

Why not?

DemonsandMosquitoes · 05/06/2026 06:05

I didn’t want my son to be an only. And now at 23 and 21, I can conclude that watching them grow together and interact alongside each other and share experiences through the years, has been the single best part of parenting.

Oricolt · 05/06/2026 06:15

I have three. They've always got on well, bar the normal minor sibling squabbles. They have definitely enhanced each other's lives far more than reduced them. They are older now and adore each other. They champion each other as much as I champion them. I get a lot of joy from knowing that they have each other.

Original poster
whydowe · 05/06/2026 06:39

YourShyLion · 04/06/2026 23:05

Speaking as an only child it's cruel to have only one child if you have the ability to have more.

I can’t understand this view at all. I am normally able to see where others are coming from even if I personally don’t agree but with this I just can’t.

Siblings don’t exist to serve the existing child!

It’s hard to admit but ds would have had a lovely life had we not had a second. Loads of his friends are only children and if we meet up at soft play or somewhere he’d rather play with one of them than his sibling.

I am struggling to see any advantages to my eldest child in the younger existence - or any advantages to the youngest having the eldest. Obviously I love them! But they’d have better lives without the existence of the other.

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/06/2026 06:46

I didn't.Ds is 12 and it was the best decision for us.

Iocanepowder · 05/06/2026 06:48

Because we are too young to remember what we were like at that age with our siblings.