AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

[Trombolice]

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

yes!! but don't they call them 'Man Caves' now ? he has probably been mentally planning where to put his PS5 and the reason he has got stroppy is because he has been rumbled

Well, he sounds like a certain kind of lodger.....

I also live in the middle of nowhere, there are no schools within walking distance.

That just means he assumes you'll do the school run.

As an aside , I wonder why so many of us feel the need to live with the person we are seeing ? I wonder might relationships work better if we all had our own space and kept it like that .
OP I do not like the sound of this man. I wonder might the relationship end ? Are you very involved ?

This 😅

YANBU, OP. Run don’t walk!

There is nothing wrong in assuming that in a relationship you may end up moving in together.

Dear god ... not another one 😖 You and your selfish ways with all of those free rooms that could be utilised for him and his DD. If you want to see how that one can go, look at the posts by the absolutely amazing PithyBeaker who was dealing with a pretty similar situation.

Dating a single dad for a year and completely oblivious to the fact that he'd be thinking about the relationship progressing to living together and that it would have to include his child in some capacity? 🙄

Dad not broaching the conversation earlier in the relationship and sliding it in as an assumption? 🙄

I think this relationship has run its course.

I'm a woman and I rent - I always have done - and I'm a bit fucked off by the assumption on this thread that all renters are automatically red flags and after your house

@DalmationalAnthem @YouputthetwatinKathleen
You do realise the lyrics are:
My lovers got no money, he's got his strong beliefs not trombolice 😂😂😂

I'd say that it was nice that he wanted you to live together.

But then ....
is rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it
He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair”
I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

WHo the fuck does he think he is, judging you for being selfish or unselfish?

Who the fuck does he think he is, tantrumming because you said 'hold on'?

And who the fuck does he think he is that he considers it 'unfair' that you have a bigger house and he has a smaller?

Do not get closer to this man. You've been shown the red flags. He thinks he's entitled to your house and to anything you have.

Look at his character, not his personality, because his character is what makes or breaks the relationship in the long term, and this one has a grudge and a sense of entitlement, and I bet he makes you pay for having anything that you have that he wants, if you go further with him.

It's a known internet joke, you can get hoodies and all with TROMBOLICE on them 😎

If he was just having a conversation with you to see if you'd be interested in buying a house together or him moving in at some point, then I'd have some sympathy for him. But the way he has just assumed you'll be having him and his daughter living with you and no prior conversation about how it could work or how you feel about it, would fuck me right off even if I would've been open to the idea. And as for telling his daughter it's happening before even starting that conversation with you and calling you selfish !? Wow

I'd be kicking him to the kerb. The absolute audacity

Dump him quick before 'his landlord decides to sell his house' and your hand is forced.

The entitlement is staggering. How very dare you have a big, lovely house and not share it with him and his child for no reason and for nothing in return!

@KaleidoscopeSmile I think it was the assumption that the bf would move in not a renting issue. He could have money in the bank for all we know, the op hasn't said. We also don't know if the DD is in his majority care.

It's the assumption and the strop which has shocked the poster. No way for a genuinely decent man ( or woman) to behave. However as a long term poster I can tell you there is a 'Cocklodger of the week ' on Mumsnet.

@Dorothyperky wouldn't it be fantastic if there was an actual gallery of 'Cocklodger of the Week'

Yep.

i take it his place is small

She doesn’t want to live with anyone! Nothing wrong with that, I don’t either and we’ve been together over a decade.

If you haven’t broken up with him for this behavior then you would be an arsehole! MAJOR red flags for his stropping as well as the assumption he would be moving into your house! GET RID!!!

I was thinking the same as many posters. How nice he wants the relationship to progress and then……

WTAF? He calls you selfish and then has a strop.

His intentions are not good! And he has the audacity to call you selfish?!

He has shown his hand good and proper. Have you told him to fuck off yet? If not, you need to!

😂

I own my own house, my DP rents. We've discussed some day maybe in the future when my DC leaves home that we might move in together but he's made it clear we would need to get our own place, and i've made it clear I may never get to the point of wanting to move in with someone. This suits us fine for now. And, we've been together five years. There are lots of ways to have happy relationships - married, living together, living apart - I certainly wouldn't assume anything about next steps, especially once you've been around the block a bit. I would be upset at the presumption that your partner had, and especially the entitlement.

I feel as though I say this quite often but no one falls in love quite as quickly as a man who could really do with a decent place to live and someone to feed / house / clothe / mind his children.

Oh, absolutely!.