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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

380 replies

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 15:17

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

OP posts:
CoffeeAndCats3 · 05/06/2026 23:59

outerspacepotato · 04/06/2026 22:41

Its natural progression of a relationship, and not wanting to live together long term shows lack of commitment to me.

That's a narrow and simplistic viewpoint. It's not necessarily the natural progression of a relationship. Lots of people have a long romantic relationships without living together. It doesn't mean a lack of commitment, it can mean a person doesn't want non related people living with their kids, it could be not wanting to combine household income, there's lots of financial reasons where I am for older people not to live together. In @Trombolice 's case, her kids are grown and she doesn't want to have a teen in her space or raise her and having btdt, I don't blame her. Her bf has made it really obvious that getting he and his kid into her home was a primary motivation here. He's a cocklodger wannabe.

It is natural progression of 'most' relationships. The OP hasn't said, but if she never has any intention of living with him, then I think it should be spoken about earlier - within the first 3 months of the relationship. It doesn't have to be difficult. A casual comment - 'Just an FYI - I'll never live with another man again as I'm very happy with my setup and our relationship' - so he knows where he stands.

I maintain that saying this 1.5 years in would be a shock to me, as in the vast majority of cases, progression would mean living together at some point.

I will re-iterate that expenses should be 50:50 when/if that happens.

DugnuttEyeBoogies · Yesterday 00:43

YouputthetwatinKathleen · 04/06/2026 19:19

Cue, DD is so disappointed, how could you let her down?

Cue, we have already given notice to the school.

Cue, we have already given notice on our place and will be homeless if you don’t take us in.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were so selfish.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were unkind.

Cue, you’ve lied to me all this time about our future.

Cue, nobody else will want you, you [insert misogynistic slurs].

Edited

It’s another version of the Script isn’t it. Manipulative bastards.

Hankunamatata · Yesterday 03:26

Well he thought he was getting his feet under the table didn't he.

NattyQuail · Yesterday 23:27

I started a thread in January about my cocklodger loser and before I dumped him, he wanted me to buy him a car. We'd been together for a couple of months. I don't even drive myself.

Ironically, this loser's surname was Carr.

Weird.

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