AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

[Trombolice]

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

Like previous posters, I'm getting cocklodger vibes

Definitely targeted romance. Happened to my sister and my bff. Both divorced. My bff didn't own the house and she got replaced when he found out!

It sounds like this has been blown out of proportion. There's nothing strange about thinking you will end up living with someone you're in a serious relationship with, or the assumption that you would move in to the bigger house or buy another one together rather than move into the small house.

He's also revealing that in fact he's bit dim with no idea how to broach this without blundering in with all his assumptions, then actually flouncing like a teenager whilst blurting out how he feels about your having a better house than him.

So attractive! (You can do better than this guy I'm sure...)

Well that's a whole new level of presumptuous.

How did he take it when you dumped him over his entitlement? You did dump him, right? Right?!

In his head he's created a nice easy life for himself. He'll move in to your house because it's bigger and nicer. You'll continue to pay the rent/mortgage & all upkeep because it's your house, not his. He might offer to pay a menial amount of rent but probably not as you should just be so grateful you're now cohabiting with his pure awesomeness! Once he's in, in his head you'll take the lead with all the practical/mundane side of parenting such as washing, meals etc. He'll have free /low cost accommodation with on-hand help and be there for all the fun stuff with his daughter.
Run for the hills!!!

Mmm but he's gone a bit beyond that! One thing to assume it was moving towards cohabiting, quite another to call OP selfish!

I remember a post here a year or so ago about another woman in this exact situation - I wonder if it is the same man? I bet the next thing that will happen is that he will claim his landlord is kicking him out and he and his daughter move in as a 'short-term measure'. Then it will be excuse after excuse not to leave. Oh and he will more than likely take up some hobby as he will have a free babysitter to hand.

Honestly from what you said I would dump him.

Cocklodger in Waiting

But dp has assumed this, and implies its sooner than later, to the point that he’s even thinking about schools for his daughter, and possibly informed his daughter of this as well, all without talking to op. It doesn’t even sound like they’ve had the ‘long term future’ talk yet, and mapped out a life together. As far as op is concerned, they’re still at the dating stage.

🚩🚩🚩🚩

Assuming you would live with someone you've been seeing for 1 1/2 years isn't in itself odd, but assuming him and his daughter would move in with you without any prior discussion is a bit out of place.

Have you both had any discussions about where your relationship is going? Is there a wealth divide between you? It sounds like your property is bigger than his, do you both own? Have you discussed marriage?

But surely you discuss it first, and not assume it’s a fair accompli.

Oh dear, your partner certainly has it all worked out in his head, I bet he'd mentally planned which of your spare rooms, would become his daughter's!!

I understand perhaps thinking at some point the relationship might develop into living together. I don't think that's an unusual thought.

However, usually a couple discuss living together, where that might be and if marriage might be on the cards. I sounds as if you hadn't discussed anything with him at all, and he's made a huge amount of assumptions.

You've made it clear that for you, living with him or anyone else isn't on the cards. Your partner doesn't have a God given right to move into your home, just because you're dating, and it's very entitled for him to think that way.

I would be thinking about the future of the relationship to be honest. I'd be wondering if he's been dating me, purely to eventually move into my much bigger home. Not a pleasant thought, that someone could have possibly used you in this way.

That's quite the presumption he made! Tell him you'll talk when and if the relationship progresses to marriage 😆 - that should shut him up for a bit. In all seriousness what is he offering in exchange for lodgings for himself and his daughter?

Men, what's yours should be his and what's his is his but you have to look after, clean and cook for it.

Men are pathetic.

Ick. Just Ick.

COME BACK OP!

I need much more information!

Obviously don’t let him move in. Enjoy your space and spare bedrooms.

I’d have one as a sewing room. Massive table, ironing board, mirror and a big window.

And I’d leave one completely empty for the sheer hell of it.

How very presumptuous of him! And well done you for standing your ground OP! Let him have his strop, would you be bothered if this ended the relationship?

He has shown you what his objective is.

It is only downhill from here.

Let him go and enjoy the space.

Seems he thought he could slippy slide into your house with DD because that's ''fair'' seeing your house is bigger.
Is that inscrutable masculine logic we can't understand?

That might be the case sometimes. Here the man has jumped straight to squeals of 'unfair' and hurling verbal abuse after being told no. Being called selfish for not kowtowing to the wishes of the holder of the all important flaccid dick is abuse. If he'd genuinely thought this was the natural step he would have defended his position by saying that rather than throwing a tantrum worthy of a spoilt teenager whining s'not fair wah wah you are so selfish wah wah.

OP @Trombolice
Red flag 1 was assuming, not asking if you should progress to living together and if agreed then discussing how that might be achieved.

Red flag 2 not accepting you may have an input into this decision. Furthermore your house, your choice. Not Billy Big Balls.

Red flag 3 whining that you have too much space. Clearly this outrageous situation has been grinding his gears of jealousy. How dare a single female have more than Daddy dearest! Your property, your time, your peace, your resources should be given up so this sperminator can move himself and the child he sees as a house meal ticket into your home.

Red flag 4. Calling you selfish for daring to want your own space when he is so much more deserving of it (his excuse being he has a child that he sees as a meal ticket).

Screw this loser. Kick his entitled arse so hard it goes into orbit. You can do so much better.

I do wonder where the mum is and what she'd think about her dc moving school so she could move in with the op, I know not the point of this thread just wondering how that fits in with his plans and if hes hoping to ditch or maybe gain cms aswell

He rents. My house is owned and significantly larger without going into too much detail. I also live in the middle of nowhere, there are no schools within walking distance. There isn’t even a shop within walking distance 😂