Page 24 | AIBU to think my DH is overreacting about my eating habits?

Worktillate · 08/06/2026 14:19

PuzzledObserver · 08/06/2026 13:04

Good to see you back, OP.

You’re right, the secret eating is not that uncommon, though I do want to say, gently, that the amount of weight you’ve put on and the speed of it IS unusual. Yours is a severed case. And that means the impact it’s having on you is similarly severe.

Know what’s also true? It doesn’t have to stay like this. Whether it’s therapy, injections, surgery, OA, something else, or some combination - people can and do recover from these kinds of problems.

Please don’t allow “lots of people do this” to mean “therefore I will carry on as I’m in good company.”

Exactly this.

The fact that other people do it doesn't minimise the harm it's doing.

You can do this @LPLJS95 , everyone on this thread is behind you x

FloozyMcGee · 04/07/2026 18:22

I say this with the utmost in compassion, having been there myself, only I wasn't married, so I didn't have to hide it. You are describing an eating disorder. You may very much want to seek a good therapist for it. What has worked for me is GLP1s (and a good therapist!). It's not just the weight loss (though that's been substantial) but its finally being free of THINKING about food all day long, all the time. Now I eat when I'm hungry (or sometimes because I need to in order to survive), sometimes it's cake; sometimes it's veggies. It's probably the easiest way, but there are others too. Best of luck to you!

PeoplesNet · 04/07/2026 22:24

LPLJS95 · 04/06/2026 13:47

This is genuinely mortifying to post but here goes.

I’ve put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years since marriage and having kids. DH and I eat pretty normally at home, we have family meals together, don't live on takeaways etc, and from the outside people probably wonder how I've managed to put on as much as I have.

The problem is that I’ve developed some really bad habits over the years. If I'm out running errands, driving home from work, doing the food shop etc, I'll often stop and get food. McDonald's, Greggs, KFC, chocolate from the petrol station, coffee and cake, whatever takes my fancy really. Usually I'll eat it in the car before I get home and throw the evidence away.

I also order takeaways when I'm home alone and get rid of the packaging before he's come back. It's become a bit of a habit if I'm honest.

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, DH has never been controlling about food and has never made nasty comments about my weight. If anything he's always come across as supportive.

Anyway, the other day he borrowed my car and found loads of wrappers and receipts that I'd forgotten to clear out. He asked me about it when I got home and I ended up admitting that this has been going on for ages.

He wasn't angry exactly, but he seemed really upset. He said it wasn't even about the food, it was the fact I'd been hiding it and acting as though I had no idea why I was putting weight on.

I got defensive and said that what I eat is my business.

His argument is that I've basically been lying by omission for years and that he feels a bit stupid because whenever I'd complain putting on weight I'd conveniently leave out the daily snacks, drive-thrus and secret takeaways.

I feel completely embarrassed and wish I'd never been as honest with him as I was

AIBU to think he's making too much of this, or would you also be bothered if your partner had been secretly eating like this for years?

He feels like you don't trust him. His life the last few years has been partially a lie. You did betray him. Of course he has the right to be upset. Also, you don't even seem bothered or worried about your eating disorder. Are you aware you have one? Well worth speaking to someone about it and apologising to your husband. But once you have apologised, the guilt-tripping needs to end there because you do clearly have a problem and he needs to put the betrayal behind him and support you with that to help you get better.

pipthomson · 04/07/2026 22:48

I believe that unless you treat the whole problem ( physical mental and spiritual ) you are just papering over the cracks and setting yourself up for more misery
OA can definitely help you will find a fellowship of people who know what you’re going through you can go to an online meeting you will find a group of people who are interested in your general wellbeing and don’t want anything in return the philosophy is that ‘ helping you helps me’ reaching out for help is the first step as it allows positive energy into your life !

MNersSufferFromContextomy · 05/07/2026 05:24

LPLJS95 · 04/06/2026 13:47

This is genuinely mortifying to post but here goes.

I’ve put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years since marriage and having kids. DH and I eat pretty normally at home, we have family meals together, don't live on takeaways etc, and from the outside people probably wonder how I've managed to put on as much as I have.

The problem is that I’ve developed some really bad habits over the years. If I'm out running errands, driving home from work, doing the food shop etc, I'll often stop and get food. McDonald's, Greggs, KFC, chocolate from the petrol station, coffee and cake, whatever takes my fancy really. Usually I'll eat it in the car before I get home and throw the evidence away.

I also order takeaways when I'm home alone and get rid of the packaging before he's come back. It's become a bit of a habit if I'm honest.

Before anyone jumps to conclusions, DH has never been controlling about food and has never made nasty comments about my weight. If anything he's always come across as supportive.

Anyway, the other day he borrowed my car and found loads of wrappers and receipts that I'd forgotten to clear out. He asked me about it when I got home and I ended up admitting that this has been going on for ages.

He wasn't angry exactly, but he seemed really upset. He said it wasn't even about the food, it was the fact I'd been hiding it and acting as though I had no idea why I was putting weight on.

I got defensive and said that what I eat is my business.

His argument is that I've basically been lying by omission for years and that he feels a bit stupid because whenever I'd complain putting on weight I'd conveniently leave out the daily snacks, drive-thrus and secret takeaways.

I feel completely embarrassed and wish I'd never been as honest with him as I was

AIBU to think he's making too much of this, or would you also be bothered if your partner had been secretly eating like this for years?

First OP, well done for this post, I understand it would have been difficult to write it all out.

your husband sounds very supportive so please be thankful you have a keeper!

You are a secret eater.

Look for the TV documentary series Secret Eaters. It may be on Prime.

You know you want to stop. Stop being defensive and take ownership. Admit it to your husband and make a plan together to change for the better, for yourself first and foremost, and secondly for your family.

Good luck ❤️

Glitchymn1 · 05/07/2026 05:44

DH and I eat pretty normally at home, we have family meals together, don't live on takeaways etc.”
Well this isn’t true is it. So you have takeaways, fast food and eat at home too. You are in complete denial and will need to get help to deal with it.
I don’t think you can be mad at your partner, he’s done nothing wrong. It sounds like you’ve been lying to everyone.
How much has all this cost? I hope you can get the help you need.