Would you mind your DD being the only girl in her class at school?

[SNAMES]

DD is 5. She attends a lovely Indy and we’re really happy with the school.
However, she’s one of 3 girls (sorry - title wasn’t long enough to be more specific!) in her class of 20.
She hasn’t really made any friends yet which breaks my heart as she’s such a sociable little girl normally.

DD is also the only white British child in the class (which didn’t bother me - hence still sending her to the school). The other children are lovely, but incredibly quiet and reserved which I think is a cultural thing, and may also be a factor in DD not making friends.

What would you do here? DD is a very girly girl and much prefers playing with girls over boys.

There are clearly going to be cultural differences. Often Chinese dc do lots of extra study and music. It’s not easy to find easy going Chinese dc who want the same as a white DD. It’s just different in the prep schools.

I actually think that it’s better to move her as early as possible. She would definitely struggle with friendships in this environment. It is highly unlikely that two other girls will include her. And for those who say : she can be friends with boys. Yes, she can but not in this set up of course I’m trying to be politically correct but the expectations are different culturally. If it was a class full of white British boys it would be different.

This makes sense although most locals I met from Hong Kong would not appreciate being called Chinese!

I sort of get how an area could have an influx but not how OPs daughter could be one of the only white children. Who was there before the Hong Kong kids moved over?

Anyway regardless school doesn't sound like the right fit.

This would not have bothered me until yesterday when I was collecting DD from after school club and saw a pair of year 6 boys making rude gestures (finger in the hole etc) by the door. Now that’s not going to be the problem at reception age, but if the classes didn’t change much in terms of mix as she got older, I’d be uncomfortable with “boys being boys” around her.

I think it’s normal as a Mum to want a small school for your child and I did, too.
But one of my children was unhappy at the lower end of a small private school, where there were few resources etcetera.
I moved them to a very large private school . It was so much better organised, so many facilities and opportunities eg to separate children who don’t get on. We never looked back.
I do think people are not accepting the point about her brightness.
I was far ahead of my peer group at that age and really hated every second of morning 3 R/s. It was pure hell and definitely has held me back on many levels,

The cultural differences are going to have some bearing though, play dates for example. My dd had loads in primary. I imagine if the other 2 girls are reserved, your dd won’t be having any with them. Your dd is mixing out of school once a week with friends from an organised activity. That’s really not much. And doesn’t give any free play time.

Schools are much better at differentiating and stretching the more able students these days.

I wouldn't want to be in a workplace with those ratios so I definitely wouldn't have left my DDs to negotiate it as children unless there were genuinely no choices available to me.

In my experience Reception teachers are brilliant at taking a class full of very lively characters who have never really seen much by way of discipline and getting them to sit down, behave and learn.

Does having impeccably behaved schoolmates compensate for your child being unhappy and friendless at school?

I wouldn’t like this for my DD. Sounds lonely and boring.

Primary school is more about socialising children than it is about educating them. If you put a five-year-old in an environment where it's difficult to make friends, they're going to struggle with future transitions such as moving to secondary.

You have plenty of time later on to train your daughter to be a quiet, hardworking, polite little drone if that's what you really want, and that's actually going to be easier if she is a happy, well-adjusted child rather than a lonely and resentful one.

My husband and I moved our older daughter to a different school so she wouldn’t be one of only four girls in the class.

I work in primary education. Every year we ask children their thoughts about school, what they enjoy, struggle with etc. 99% of the responses have "playing with my friends" as the number one think they like about school. It's more important for your DD to be happy than to have extracurricular activities or a small class. Move her.

I’d be moving as much for the cultural inequality as the ratio of girls/boys

Well, yes, there was no differentiation when I was at school.
However, going, then , from the experience with my children, which again was a long time ago, they had different academic needs, which, agreed, a long time ago, couldn’t be met in a class of 30, or more.

@CaesarAugusta Most dc now have attended nursery and a childminder and of course can be school ready. They certainly respond to instructions and can be attentive when they need to be. And that’s in state schools. Why isn’t there a better prep for the dd? This cannot be the only one.

It is the only one. There is only one other Indy with a commute of less than 40 minutes but I don’t like it.

@SNAMESI would look at state then, plus what do you want for senior school? Where are you aiming for? This matters because you could do prep from age 11 and go to senior school at 13. If there’s no decent independent school from 11 or 13, what’s the point of the prep? What’s it prepping for?

Grammar.

Move her as quickly as you can. The large state primary will be much much better than this. You can always swap back to the independent school in a few years time. Class size is not everything. Her school day sounds frankly awful for her at present.

@SNAMES I’m assuming bright dc go to the grammar from the state schools? Standard grammar or super selective? The latter is of course far more difficult than the first. So why not have a tutor?