Would you mind your DD being the only girl in her class at school?

[SNAMES]

DD is 5. She attends a lovely Indy and we’re really happy with the school.
However, she’s one of 3 girls (sorry - title wasn’t long enough to be more specific!) in her class of 20.
She hasn’t really made any friends yet which breaks my heart as she’s such a sociable little girl normally.

DD is also the only white British child in the class (which didn’t bother me - hence still sending her to the school). The other children are lovely, but incredibly quiet and reserved which I think is a cultural thing, and may also be a factor in DD not making friends.

What would you do here? DD is a very girly girl and much prefers playing with girls over boys.

We moved DD at the end of yr5 because she was really struggling in her class at state primary - 22 boys and 8 girls! It was a 3 form entry but were less than 30 girls in the entire year group of circa 90 kids. As she moved through primary she found it increasingly difficult to maintain friendships and to learn, classes were noisy, boisterous and she found it intimidating. Some girls would probably have been able to shrug it off and keep going but she was really impacted.
A more balanced environment was the top criteria when looking at where to move her.

Only state primaries unfortunately. DD would really benefit from the small class size but I guess this is the downside of that.

I wouldn't be happy.

My DD was in a very girl heavy class at primary. It started with 6 boys I think and the most it went up to was 8 (in a class of 30). Boys came and went as there just wasn't enough choice of friends.

I would be moving my child

That's a hugely naive statement.

Don’t be daft

That’s not true at all. Cultural differences can have a bearing and is more relevant in multi ethnic groups, and many primary school relationships are single sex. It’s a way before age 5 that children are socialised into their genders, and even at primary school boys life football and girls love dolls (as absurd as that is - and I’m talking at a population level, some girls absolutely love football and some boys treasure their dolls - it’s just plain wrong to say that gender wouldn’t impact relationships at age 5 when it’s already started to form part of their social identity).

State primary god forbid! She would
likely be way happier there with some actual friends rather than in a “small class”
in splendid isolation!

Yes. The other children seem lovely - but the clsss is a vast majority of Chinese boys. They are absolutely lovely, well behaved and bright children from what I’ve seen, but are just not the type of child that my DD enjoys playing with.

“Only state primaries” oh the horror 🙄

There’s no horror - I just chose a private for my DD. as I wanted smaller class sizes and more extra curriculars.

I think I’d move her unless there was likely to be a large influx of kids later. It doesn’t sound sustainable.

I have hosted teens from many countries and the cultural difference with the Chinese girls was huge. The others were all basically similar (all Europeans / Brazil / Russia/ Israelis) and they could and did pal up. But the Chinese were brought up so differently it didn’t work socially. Just what I observed.

I get the impression that if it was a boring old state school, the OP would have no hesitation in moving her daughter to a different school.

No way would I be paying for this set up. Sure, the class is small but it's full of kids your DD has nothing in common with.

Well yes.
She would be losing out on lots of the benefits of the private school if I moved her. Hence why I need to weigh up the positives and negatives.
There would be less to ‘lose’ if it were state to state?

Girls tend to pal up with girls, and boys with boys at this age. A group of 3 girls is fraught with problems in my experience. Not an ideal set up for your DD.

One of my DDs was in a class where there were only her and another girl and it was fine as they got on well together.

Small classes (and small schools) have their
pros and cons and unfortunately, limited social opportunities are one of the cons. As she is normally sociable I think she is likely to do better in a class of 30. You can spend the money you are saving on extra-curriculars and family outings!

Hi i have been in your exact position and by age 10 my daughter was miserable as the other 3 girls were friendly with each other and picked and chose when they wanted to include/exclude my daughter - she was so sad and losing her spark day by day. Around her10th birthday I moved her to a 2 form entry school in the town. It made a massive difference and the best decision.

The worst decision I ever made was joining a village school for all the stereoptypical bullshit reasons. Eg small class numbers, more time for teachers to spend time/educate kids, nice rural setting/scenery, less deprivation demographic.

Instead there were very narrow friendship options, it was insanely cliquey with adults, the school didnt have as much learning assistant funds, there were never many daytrips due to funds, they had no access to the local town or even a local library to walk to. Just there in a villsge with nothing and some cows to look at.

I would strongly warn anyone off a village school and suggest a 2 form entry minimum. My dd has said if/when she has kids she will never send them to a village school.

But thats all my experience and opinion.

You have my smpathy. Best wishes to you and your daughter 💐

Did you visit the other options op?

My DS has started reception in a state primary with 90 per year. Remember the bigger school, the more funding they get. They have lots of TAs, inclusion leads, their own mini bus for school trips and have lots of extra curricular. Loads of Reception kids do the gymnastics club and my DS does singing and drama club. I went to private secondary school but i am really pleased with the school so far.

Out of curiosity, do you mean Chinese from China or Chinese from Hong Kong, or elsewhere?
I admit I was painfully shy as a Chinese (HK) kid but in an all-white school. My DC are incredibly popular and social though, that I wonder where they came from lool!

Same experience as a child in a village school! Mine went to a huge primary that was no accident. If there were friendship issues they then had lots of other options.

If she doesn’t have any friends, move her. The benefits of being in private school don’t outweigh the lack of friends. In fact, at that age, it’s mostly about the friendships!

The benefit of state school is that she’ll have local friends too. Lots of play dates and parties.

Consider private for secondary.

I'd swap to the large state primary if possible. But are there actually spaces for you to do that?

Why do you feel that your child needs a smaller class? Most Reception classes in state primaries are very nurturing.