Would you mind your DD being the only girl in her class at school?

[SNAMES]

DD is 5. She attends a lovely Indy and we’re really happy with the school.
However, she’s one of 3 girls (sorry - title wasn’t long enough to be more specific!) in her class of 20.
She hasn’t really made any friends yet which breaks my heart as she’s such a sociable little girl normally.

DD is also the only white British child in the class (which didn’t bother me - hence still sending her to the school). The other children are lovely, but incredibly quiet and reserved which I think is a cultural thing, and may also be a factor in DD not making friends.

What would you do here? DD is a very girly girl and much prefers playing with girls over boys.

Honestly when my daughter was 4/5 this exactly what i thought. I thought larger primaries were awful. I was scared of the big classes and thought it'd be too much. I was wrong, she'd have been fine and she'd have been happier.

With regards to bulking up with extra curriculars I do that. Music, girls sports team, guides etc. And a private tutor.

Your daughter is much better having a chance of making friends than a small and fancy school. At least she will have a chance at a bigger school.

My daughter also spent a lot if time with boys as they do all mix but by about 7/8 it was boys only parties etc and playing football so she was left at the mercy of those 3 girls.

Its much better having the chsnce of making friends and right now she does not have that regardless of how much money you throw at it.

Go and at least visit the larger school asap and consider her starting after the summer.

Again just my opinions 💐

I’m struggling to see what a private school can offer at 5 that would compensate for no friends and no fun. Small classes are hard enough but 3 girls is the absolute worst. The only girl would be preferable but the other kids (and her tbf) and the teacher will have mentally shackled the girls together and “a three” is the hardest friendship group to manage. She may eventually find friends but why make life hard when you can be in a mixed class of 30? What is the actual benefit (small class size seems to be an actual hinderence. Extra curriculars are not helping -“why not spend lunchtime and evenings with these boys who don’t play with you as well as all of the day?”) Does she have additional needs that can’t be met at the unfortunate school? What are the actual real benefits of the private that can’t be put down to “I like private schools - I think they are better in every way in every circumstance?” Ignore the private element - school A offers x, school B offers y, both schools offer z - which would you pick if you didn’t know one was a status symbol? She looks cute in the uniform? Get her awesome weekend clothes. The do activities the unfortunate school doesn’t offer? You will be £1000s up on the deal - pay for more stuff. You could take her to a different European city every month with that money, or private instrument or language or art tuition or rock climbing or sailing at the weekends. Better wrap around care? Get a childminder. What is the barrier?

But no friends? I know which I would be choosing for my child.

Because she is incredibly bright but gets very over excited and silly. The school she’s at now will set her more difficult work once she’s finished. The behaviour of the children in the school is impeccable and they set a very high standard with this.

I’m not bashing state schools at all, but I couldn’t believe the difference in the behaviour and concentration of the kids in the state v private of the ones we visited.

I'd worry less about the boy/girl ratio and more about whether she's happy going in every morning. If the kids are kind and the school is good, that's worth a lot. Five year olds can become best mates with someone overnight after arguing over a crayon for a week.

Yes you’re right. The benefits are that the school does very well academically, her behaviour of the children is outstanding, all of the kids I’ve met from the school and spoken to have been well mannered and incredibly respectful (in a way that I had never seen children before), the extra curricular are great, the school is really successful in sports, the teachers are all lovely, the school aligns with the values that I hold.

But you are right that lots of this can be replicated elsewhere.

I would focus on seeing people as people. She can have girl relationships outside school (dance classes, sports groups, brownies etc). There will be boys in class with her interests, they're not all the same and I think it's a great opportunity to have some good friendships with boys if she doesn't have boy siblings. I have 2 sons and they couldn't be more different! I'm sure you're DD would have got one with one or other of them. I'm so glad my DD has brothers (I didn't) as she's totally relaxed and confident around boys and not boy-obsessed in any way (at 17). Her friendship group is mixed. I think if you see this as an opportunity, she could flourish with a more mixed group of friends.

I agree with this. 3 is generally not good in friendships! There will always be 2 that bond more with one feeling left out!!

I had the same experience. DD was one of 3 girls and DS was the only boy in his year, same school. They lasted a year. I just think that young children benefit far more from having a healthy social life than academic success. Being able to confidently socialise with a vast variety of kids is so beneficial as is being able to practice learning in a less that ideal setting.

Depends on the child. My daughter would be fine in a setting like this but I know my niece probably would struggle more.

All my kids are in state school, their classes are quiet big but I teach so anything they’re struggling with I just help them. You need to think about if she benefits more from the class size or needs more socialisation.

There's a private school near us now owned and run by a Chinese company. It was largely Chinese pupils but welcomed all. It was less expensive so some parents made the move. It didn't work for some so the children left again.

Chinese children were better behaved and very quiet just wanted to learn.

My SIL is Chinese her daughter went to university, never mixed got her masters and returned to China. My son at university shared a flat in halls for a year with six Chinese students. They didn't mix at all he said it's how they are.

So I would remove my daughter, spend the money on activities, clubs she enjoys.

Oh, and also to say, I work with slightly younger children (up to Reception) and I've noticed when we have very large intakes, the girls/ boys do tend to gravitate towards one another and get 'divided'. This year group is very small, some days we have one or two girls, but it doesn't matter as they all play together girls and boys, it's really lovely.

OP, I would stick to a lovely sounding school and just try and develop friendships with the boys. Make the school aware (though it's a bit late for this year's teacher to help much) and try to meet up in the holidays if you can.

DD was 1 of only 3 girls in her class at a small 1 form entry indy. We moved her and she’s now at a large all girls prep. Honestly best decision ever.

Is there really no other private school nearby? Have you looked at 7+ schools for a Y3 move and schools further away that run bus routes? If there really isn’t then I’d go state primary with some after school tutoring and revisit private for Y7. As well as the friendship issues I’d be seriously concerned that a tiny private that can only attract 3 girls in a year wasn’t going to last much longer.

No way I would send my daughter to a school where she was the only girl. I worked in a completely male dominated environment and while I loved it and was very happy it brings a lot of challenges. And that was as an adult.

I would move her. Last year, our local state primary had a class of 16 girls and 1 boy. Just a quirk of who had selected the school that year (London so masses of choice - we have 9 primaries within a 15mins walk). If you went state, you could always look at moving her back to private in y3/4 when her social skills are more established. Plus the class make up may have changed.

My daughter’s prep had the opposite with only one boy, but the class was tiny! Under 10. The girls completely mothered him, held his hand every where poor boy but they did all have a lovely friendship. The school did work hard mixing the classes for activities so they had friends in other years.

“Push her academically”. She’s FIVE!! It’s all about socialisation and enjoying being a child at that age surely.

This would bother my daughter. She spent 2 years in a class with just 2 girls and the rest boys. She was far happier with an influx of girls joined. She was moved classes and has lovely friend group. Some are boys but the majority are girls. If it bothers my daughter it bothers me. How does your daughter feel about this?

I don't agree that primary school friendships tend to be sex based. It's only in year 5 that DS's cohort have started dividing along these lines and, even then, the quieter boys play with the girls. That being said, if your DD prefers to play with girls, then she's going to have a very lonely 7years of primary school. If you think you can help make that up by getting her to join external clubs, where she may meet friends, great (although that kind of defeats the purpose of paying for a private school because of the great extracurricular activities); but I would consider moving her.

I do see both sides here. But what is the point of a small class of perfectly behaved children if she is not really a part of it? I'd move her, and if it's to a state primary then pick a good one and give her plenty of extra curricular opportunities and tutors if you feel she needs that.

You say that you only have a choice of one alternative school, but how can that be the case when you have private school level finances? I'm not being judgemental, maybe you have some very specific circumstances which is why I'm asking, but if not then you could make the choice to move if you feel strongly enough about schools?

Exactly our experience.

Although I do accept that DD specifically found it so much easier to settle initially in a small school, which is why we chose it. But by about year 4 that advantage had become a disadvantage, and moving schools then was harder.

There's a lot to be said for an average sized local school in a town.

OP, I really think your DD's specific circumstances re. sex and culture warrants moving schools. To petty much any other school. I guess you have two choices - the local state school or a private one further afield.

This is a common situation in small rural schools where there are no alternative school options. However they have composite classes so children mix and socialise with older/younger class groups - I presume this doesn't happen?

What extra curriculars does she attend at the school? Are they for more than one age group? If you're looking at Rainbows and other groups outwith school to help her socialising, then she's not benefitting from the school's own offering.

I would move her and reconsider private for secondary.

Yes this would bother me
3 is a small number and you would think the 3 would play together but sounds they don’t

I would def move

surely there must be more than one private school near you if you have /want to go private

Yes this would bother me
3 is a small number and you would think the 3 would play together but sounds they don’t

I would def move

surely there must be more than one private school near you if you have /want to go private

Yes this would bother me
3 is a small number and you would think the 3 would play together but sounds they don’t

I would def move

surely there must be more than one private school near you if you have /want to go private