Would you mind your DD being the only girl in her class at school?

[SNAMES]

DD is 5. She attends a lovely Indy and we’re really happy with the school.
However, she’s one of 3 girls (sorry - title wasn’t long enough to be more specific!) in her class of 20.
She hasn’t really made any friends yet which breaks my heart as she’s such a sociable little girl normally.

DD is also the only white British child in the class (which didn’t bother me - hence still sending her to the school). The other children are lovely, but incredibly quiet and reserved which I think is a cultural thing, and may also be a factor in DD not making friends.

What would you do here? DD is a very girly girl and much prefers playing with girls over boys.

Yes i would definitely move my daughter if there were only 3 in the class. It's sad if you love the school but 3 is a horrible dynamic anyway as 1 will always be left out and ideally you'd like a better mix than just 3 girls.

At 5? You were naturally girly at 5?
Beating up people in a boardroom = succeeding on the terms of toxic masculinity.
I like the kinds of feminism that would transform the workplace culture and not attach gender so strictly to dress and image.

We don’t have any other private schools nearby.

The school does have sports teams, I have no idea how this would work though with so few girls in this year!

It doesn’t sound like a good fit for her. A big part of School is definitely the social side.
Does she do rainbows (girlguiding)

I can't see how you can possibly pay for your child to be the only white girl in a class of mostly Chinese boys. Where on earth is this primary school? Is it boarding to have so many Chinese students?

I would never have sent my DD there in the first place and would be moving her in a heartbeat to the other primary school.

I can't believe this is even a question. You must have made her stick this out all year?

You talk about binary socialisation but you are more oppressive to self expression, as one chooses it, than any man I've ever met.

I'll leave it there because I don't want to derail the intent of the thread of the OP.

Dd went on a taster course for university which was pretty much all Chinese girls. She’s really sociable and friendly but could not connect with them despite her efforts. No way is she applying to that university even though it’s arguably best for her course. She just said “I’d be too lonely it’s not worth it”.

I think both. The school makes it very clear that they will not tolerate bad behaviour. But equally, the school is made up of cultures where the kids are very much expected to be quiet. There is less cultural diversity in DD’s class compared to some of the older classes that we saw.

My DD is very naturally girly.

I wouldn’t put my child in a school where they were a minority. I went to an all girls secondary school where I was in the minority and whilst everyone was lovely and exceptionally diligent at studies, the cultural and religious differences did have a huge impact on friendships as a lot of the girls weren’t allowed to socialise outside of school, go to the cinema, etc. It might be different now but I feel sad I never got the formative experiences that other people I met later in life got through school friends.

She’s not unhappy. But she hasn’t made any proper friends.

The school isn’t culturally conservative. Lots of parents are very highly qualified professionals and I would imagine, expect the same of their children. I don’t think there are any racist undertones or anything like that.

The children are very likely of HK Chinese backgrounds and their families will have come to the UK under the BNO pathway. Consultants who support families with the move tend to recommend quite specific areas so the communities end up being relatively large in concentrated areas. I live in one. The situation that OP describes is totally plausible to me.

An additional cultural consideration, OP - thinking about the Hongkongers around here it's considered absolutely normal to place children in tutoring from Reception onwards, in addition to full-time schooling (state or independent). You will notice the impact of this in terms of teaching and curriculum over time.

Leaving this thread. A game changer for me waa Marianne Grabrucker's reflective diary on raising her daughter:
https://kateconstable.blogspot.com/2023/08/theres-good-girl.html?m=1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Theres-Good-Girl-Gender-Stereotyping/dp/0704340909

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/there-s-a-good-girl-book-marianne-grabrucker-9780704340909

Yes I believe there are children being tutored here already too. These are all lovely kids and I’d have no problem if there were more girls and DD made friends with them… but she just hasn’t clicked with anybody.

I think it's pretty clear that you need to move her

What's it like further up the school? Does the number of girls increase as the years go up? Unless that's so, I'd move her. Not only is there a pressure to be friends with all or none where there is such a small number of girls (and that can be problematic in itself) but with such a heavy proportion of boys when there isn't an all girls school nearby hoovering them up I would be wondering why that might be ...

There does seem to be an equal number in the other years - the teachers say they’re not sure why this year is different. No girls school locally!

Just to say, my Mum was a primary school teacher for over 35 years. The classes where she considered giving up teaching because of, due to the awful behaviour, were the ones where there was a large disparity in the gender split. This was state primary, but say, in a class of 28, there were 22 boys/6 girls. This was ages 7/8/9, so a little older, but just a warning that the behaviours could be problematic.

@SNAMES so you have just happened upon a boy heavy year? The year above and below have equal numbers? I think I would move her then as there is no reason to believe when there's new pupils coming in each year that you're going to find a lot more girls. Also, my friends daughter went to a school that's heavy on overseas boarders which has been really good for her in many ways but not so good in others as during school holidays (and at the end of school) pretty much her entire friendship group went home.

Yes, just a boy heavy year!

Girls and boys can friends?! When I was 5 I only had boy friends. I can't believe this is a thing.

Of course they can. Kids will become friends with whoever they have shared interests with. DD is just a particularly ‘girly’ girl who hasn’t found anybody with shared interests.

no prob if she were older but at 5 i would move her

Thanks everyone. I had doubts but you’ve all confirmed that I’m not wrong in thinking this is an issue. DD isn’t unhappy at all, she happily goes to school every day. But I’m thinking it may become more of an issue as she gets older.