Would you mind your DD being the only girl in her class at school?

[SNAMES]

DD is 5. She attends a lovely Indy and we’re really happy with the school.
However, she’s one of 3 girls (sorry - title wasn’t long enough to be more specific!) in her class of 20.
She hasn’t really made any friends yet which breaks my heart as she’s such a sociable little girl normally.

DD is also the only white British child in the class (which didn’t bother me - hence still sending her to the school). The other children are lovely, but incredibly quiet and reserved which I think is a cultural thing, and may also be a factor in DD not making friends.

What would you do here? DD is a very girly girl and much prefers playing with girls over boys.

Yes this would bother me
3 is a small number and you would think the 3 would play together but sounds they don’t

I would def move

surely there must be more than one private school near you if you have /want to go private

I would be very concerned about this especially only having 3 girls in total. Personally I would move her because it will probably be quite detrimental to her ability to make friends long term

Not at 5, no. But few girls retain a male best friend by age 11. And race and religion do sometimes make a difference - like it or not, as kids get older some parents and their kids will “stick to their own kind” - not a nasty racist thing , but just natural to enjoy company of people who are within your own culture, faith and ethnicity, isn’t it?

I’d be moving my dd to a school with a better mix asap.

I was 1 girl in a class of 22 as a 10 yr old. Loved it. I was one of the boys and was quite a Tomboy anyway. I found moving to an all girls school shocking - unbelievably bitchy.

Tbh, if your daughter is quite lively and most of the class are not - just calm and well behaved, it might just be a bad fit all round. It seems like your daughter might well prefer the bigger state school environment where there are more friendship opportunities and where she has the chance to show a bit more of her "silly" side rather than needing to keep a lid on it all day?

Only state primary's unfortunately 🙄

There are some excellent state schools, it isn't unfortunate to send a child to one. You either stick with this tiny private school, or move her.

Surely being happy at school is more important? Where do you think she will be the happiest? This is what I would base my decision on.

My daughter is in a 3 form entry and it’s fantastic, lots of extra curricular activities, she is doing art club once a week, each term the activities change. P.E twice a week, going out on nature walks, day trips out, trips in with people coming to visit, she had a theatre production the other week.
theres 28 kids in her class but she’s had a teaching assistant in both reception and year 1 for the full day, the other school down the road didn’t have that funding in year 1 and could only have a teaching assistant for half a day. There is also an extra teacher in her class who is 1:1 with another student but she’s gets on with all the students, which means there’s 3 in the class !

I can understand our situation is rare but if you can get a 3 form entry it means more funding like another poster said.

Emotional intelligence and being well equipped socially is equally as important as intellect. You're not getting that for your dd. My dd is just finishing A levels at a private secondary school having started in year 9. We did a lot of the extra curricular activities with her and she was happy for the most part in state primary school.

My very girlie dd wouldn’t have coped with this environment, because of the lack of girls. The fact that your dd is, means imo she’s resilient, so she’s likely to do well in state tbh.

This environment sounds miserable for her. All the academic achievements in the world couldn't make up for a lonely, isolated social experience at school.

Take her out and put her into the state school. Save yourself £££ in the process.

@SNAMES Your political correctness has got the better of you and spoilt the experience of school for DD. Why didn’t you put her first? I can assure you she’s not going to be fully included as a friend by the other dc or their families. It’s just how it is. They have chosen to be with similarly cultural families but you haven’t for your DD. I’d change this for her or she will be lonely.

I'm 52 now but when I was that age, I was one of 4 out of a class of 25. No problems at all.

You have to choose then, personally I would choose the state school.

Maybe try her in the local school, couple of days. See what she says?
you can always move her to private at Ks2 or onwards. At 4 the extra curriculars are going to be similar in and out of school

Totally disagree. It should have no bearing on a 35 year old walking in to a conference, but a 5 year old would gravitate towards someone that looked and behaved similar to them. My 6 year old daughter would never approach a little boy in a football kit who was kicking a ball to ask to be friends. She would probably be brave enough to approach a girl in a Taylor Swift tshirt, making bracelets to say ‘Hi’. OP’s daughter can’t do that filtering system that we all do when making new friends. She has no girls girl option.

I wasn’t close with any boys in primary school, but I’m meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow who I met in reception 40 years ago.

In your shoes OP, I would put her in the state primary where she will probably meet 15 girly girls and have shared interests with. Then stick her back in private for secondary. Her school life currently sounds quite solitary.

We rejected an independent school for this very reason. In our case, it was not so much the lack of female friendships that influenced our decision but rather we saw how the extremely confident 5 year old boys were dominating the classes. We felt our DD’s confidence would be negatively affected by those dynamics. However, we were in a large enough area that there were alternatives.

Some girls might be fine competing against boys, but we knew it wouldn’t work for our DD.

I think you are giving the school an awful lot of credit for what is other peoples parenting and other peoples cultural expectations. These kids have only been in school 8 months - their manners and work ethic are coming from home. They are a self selecting cohort that prioritises academics and behaviour at home and that has driven them to choose that school.

It’s a complete myth that bright kids will be so bored at state primary schools then they will descend into bad behaviour. It’s what people say when they want to blame other people “he’s not naughty, you know. He’s just so incredibly bright they can’t manage to keep up with the work he needs”. Reception classes are not boring - they are doing stuff all the time and even if they were boring, well behaved and well mannered children can suffer a little boredom without kicking off.

What you are paying for is parenting/discipline and social sanitisation. What you are telling yourself you are paying for is small classes (which you have convinced yourself is good despite the evidence of your own eyes) and academic rigour (without any evidence that your bright child won’t be given enough to do in a state school and a complete lack of understanding about how much of the schools success is down to what the cohort are doing academically at home), and extra curriculars (which can be done out of school hours). If you want discipline and social sanitisation then fair enough but you can’t then complain that it’s not enough fun.

Perhaps I’m biased because my DD always preferred to play with boys but this wouldn’t bother me.

It would be nice if there was 1 more girl to make it an even number as 3 is a tricky number.

But I would not be taking my child out for at least a couple of years and then decide.

In the meantime, join clubs like rainbows etc so she has opportunities to make other girl friends.

Why did you choose the school in the first place?

The very definition of a nasty racist thing, to match up genes and skin shades.

If all the other kids have a shared non-English language, move her. It will only compound the problem of having few girls to play with. I wouldn't be willing paying for that environment, a large state primary with addtional private support will be a much better environment.

This suggests that girls are gender socialised to be girly. Not to be human.
I think it is a good thing to keep classes co-ed, even with a difference in numbers.

I waa at a co-ed private primary school in the 1970s and cannot remember picking my friends according to sex or ethnicity. I remember the games we played. At a later age I was one of 3 girls in a class. I wore a skirt, but did not feel strange.

Why are we socialising girly girls to be fodder for dominant men?

Learning Chinese early would be fab for brain development, hand coordination, and life opportunities in work and travel...

My DC attended quite a small school, it wasn't an issue and they thrived there but both of them were lucky that the classes they were in were heavy in their gender so they had friends. Saying that my DS didn't make any lasting friendships at primary school as I think the pool of kids was too small. My DD had lovely friends but the school was downsizing as she was about to move to Yr 6 so quite a lot of the girls left. We moved her to another school (not where her existing friends were going. it was a huge decision with only one year to go) and she has absolutely flourished in a large class of her year group and now has a lovely group of friends all going up to secondary together in September.

I think it depends on your child. At the age she is they tend to be friends with any child they get along with regardless of sex (my two did anyway) but as they get to the latter years of primary school they do tend to gravitate towards children of the same sex.

Yes. Find a local primary and pay later.