Would you mind your DD being the only girl in her class at school?

[SNAMES]

DD is 5. She attends a lovely Indy and we’re really happy with the school.
However, she’s one of 3 girls (sorry - title wasn’t long enough to be more specific!) in her class of 20.
She hasn’t really made any friends yet which breaks my heart as she’s such a sociable little girl normally.

DD is also the only white British child in the class (which didn’t bother me - hence still sending her to the school). The other children are lovely, but incredibly quiet and reserved which I think is a cultural thing, and may also be a factor in DD not making friends.

What would you do here? DD is a very girly girl and much prefers playing with girls over boys.

This would bother my DDS so yes. Primary school is about building relationships as much as education so I would look for alternative schools if possible.

Three is possibly a worse dynamic than being the only girl to be honest. Groups of 3 are where most friendship issues occur and one often ends up being left out.

I would be looking to move her ASAP.

The factors of ethnicity and gender should have no bearing on a 5 year old child.
id speak to the school about the actual issue you’re seeing in that she’s struggling to make friends and see how they can support that

Does she have the opportunity to mix with, and build friendships, with girls outside of school OP?

Yep. It woukd bother big time. We refused offers from a school when we moved for that exact reason

however good the school
is, move her. I would never want my children to be a minority - talking about gender. I love co ed but it needs to be more balanced for it to work

This can happen at small co-ed indies. My DD was literally the only girl in her class for maybe 3-4 years. Over time, she developed deep friendships with a core group of friends, all of them fantastic boys. They're now about to leave for university and they truly believe they will be friends for life. Whatever happens, this has given her great insights and confidence and for the boys, this has been invaluable in a world where 'influencers' relentless try to push men and women apart. Maybe she was lucky but in her case this has been a great experience.

There’s only one girl in my DS8 class. She’s been the only girl since pre school and has made some lovely friendships with the other boys and is very much included in everything. She’s still into quite stereotypically girly things and there’s a lot of give and take when they’re all deciding what to play at lunch etc but on the whole her mum speaks really positively of her daughters experience

I agree with this. Being the only girl would be less of a problem than being one of 3, especially as they get older.

I would definitely look at moving her.

Can she be moved up or down a year group?

Yes, it would bother me a lot. My DD struggled to fit in with girls, as she got older, because she experienced similar. It made her very insecure about being a girl and she always questioned how she came across to others, the way she dressed, things to talk about etc.

Can they not do something to accommodate her? I would explain to them that you're worried about her social growth in this environment and I'm sure they would agree. I would find it annoying that I had to point it out (instead of them addressing it without prompting) but I guess that's schools these days.

I would move her. If she’s a girly girl, she probably won’t be best served in that class and will have limited opportunities to make friends.

How can they accommodate her? If there are only 3 girls, there are only three girls!

Run a mile. The 3 girl thing is bad enough. Due to experiences of a family member I wouldn’t want dd in a class with fewer
than 12 other girls. Ideally 2 form entry, Don’t care how fancy the school is.

I don’t think that’s true. I find that lots of girls prefer playing with girls and vice versa. Hence why friendship groups in primary tend to be single sex.

This is what the school have said (in nicer terms).

Is it a state or private school?

Outside of school, does she have female friendships? Is there a Rainbows group to join next year?

I would be reluctant to move her now she’s started.

At primary friendships are often led by parents. Are you friends with any of the mums?

They have an agenda (££) so are not giving an unbiased view. How can they “accommodate”?! Magic up a group of friendly girls !

It’s private. She does have friends out of school but nothing like what school friendships are like - just a few girls we see weekly at hobbies.

What does she say about the boys? How do they communicate and interact with her?

My family member would never say to
her lovely parents but frankly we all question their choice to leave her in a class with only 2 other girls one who was a bully for years. There’s no other options socially for a girl in that situation. Honestly don’t do it follow your instincts.

From what I can gather, they just don’t really talk. I’ve encouraged her to speak to them, but she says the other children don’t talk much.

Me too

I’d rather her have friends I feel it’s important especially at that age

What are your other options?

I wanted DD to benefit from a small class size hence sending her private, but I guess this is the downside of that!

Our only other option is a large state primary.