I feel proud of not drinking for a night - does that mean I’m an alcoholic

[cbr333]

I have posted here before about trying to reduce my alcohol intake. I have it all together on the face of it but have decided to try and do dry June as I have been drinking one or two glasses of wine every night and more at the weekends. Doesn’t impact my day-to-day but I definitely don't feel fresh in the mornings.

I managed last night and feel confident I can do the same tonight, but the sense of achievement I’m feeling about a single day off wine is a bad sign isn’t it.

I feel like I’ve sleep-walked into a problem and because it’s lovely cote de Provence rose and I’m drinking it alongside perello olives and Torres crisps that it’s somehow not an addiction but just a mum of youngish children having some sort of reward.

I feel a bit ashamed to be honest.

There's always a reason. It's nearly the weekend, it's only just past the weekend, I've made it to the middle of the week ...

OP distraction is good. Also, you might try "playing it forward" ie playing the tape forward. Scenario one : you drink the wine (because it's Thursday, or because it's Friday, or whatever), you doomscroll, you wake up a bit bleary, shuffle through the day on autopilot, feel tired when you start cooking and hey it's Friday so you might as well fill your glass, Saturday repeat. Total hours of discomfort/self-negotiation/time spent dealing with alcohol intake = 60. Scenario two : you don't drink the wine. By 9 o'clock you've gone off the idea, by ten you're ready for bed and really couldn't be arsed with wine, wake up rested, Friday Saturday repeat. Total hours of discomfort/self-negotiation/time spent dealing with alcohol intake = 6, maximum.

What kind and thoughtful comments, thank you! Climbing into bed now to watch Off Campus. 4 days done! Winding the tape forward I know I will feel good about my decision tomorrow.

Tomorrow night, even though it’s a Friday, I know I will be fine because I’m home alone with the kids and so there will be no Friday night social pressure, just the 7-8pm urge which I now know I can move past.

Try nosecco (?sp) too. They're all sweet but that ones ok

Really well done. I was in your position at the beginning of the year. I caught myself proudly telling my DD (who is grown) that I had gone three days without a drink. I realized that she would often go three weeks without a drink. Then my GP told me that liver function tests were looking dodgy. This was after I deliberately took the test at the end of dry January! That was the wake up call I needed. The NHS app mentioned by a previous poster was great.

I agree with you about not feeling that I am an alcoholic, but I know that drinking every night and needing three cups of coffee in the morning to fix the groggy feeling can’t be a good lifestyle.

So after working with the app I got an all clear. I will still have to work at it.

(and not sure that non alcoholic versions of drinks are that great. A cup of decaf tea works better and does not remind me that I would prefer to be drinking).

When I have asked about the 14 units I had a GP tell me that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption. He looked shocked when I said I just had a couple of beers every weekend.

So glad i found this post tonight. I've also been questioning my drinking habits.

And was wondering if I was slipping towards becoming an alcoholic! Ive had a serious illness followed by a bereavement and all this was an excuse/need to drink.

I will also follow some of the advice given.

I didnt drink the day before yesterday, had a large glass of white wine yesterday and have managed not to drink again today.

Writing it here helps accountability, so thank you. I will certainly look at the apps mentioned.

Sorry to say that this isn’t always the case. I’m in recovery and there are many people (including me) who could grit their teeth through 1 day but would never ever be able to stay stopped.

Alcoholism comes in many different forms.

Yeah I think it means you're an alcoholic, although there are different degrees of being dependent on alcohol. It's wild that you'd have to make an effort not to drink for a single day; you've been drinking way too much. Well done for starting to get on top of it.

A glass of wine or more every single night is alcoholism. yes.

I am not trying to split hairs and I absolutely recognise that I have an issue but I wouldn’t agree that a glass of wine every (or most nights) means that someone is an alcoholic. I think a glass of wine enjoyed with dinner is a pretty usual occurrence across the Mediterranean!

Well done OP. Agree with others, labelling not necessarily helpful. What is helpful is making the changes you have and sustaining them. The next bit to consider will be whether this is something to sustain indefinitely ie you are teetotal, or do you consider when you may/may not have alcohol. Have you tried Trip drinks? I find them very enjoyable and a nice alternative to alcohol. Well done! Keep it up!

OP you would be very surprised about the Mediterranean habits, I have Italian / Spanish extended family and lived in France, it’s singular teeny weeny glasses of wine, one bottle shared between 6 or 7 people, and a lot of women barely drink. Italy has very low alcohol consumption per capita.

I actually popped in to the thread just to alert you to the fact that if you’ve had longstanding close friendships that centre around quite a lot of ‘fun’ alcohol drinking, be aware that sometimes, some friends find it REALLY hard when you try and change that dynamic. Basically it’s a change they didn’t choose and don’t want and might force them to think about their own drinking. So just be prepared to say at your friends house, ‘oh I just have to drive today as have stuff to pick up on the way home, what a bore, oh well!’

You would be shocked how subconsciously invested some of your dearest loved ones can be in keeping everyone drinking.

I actually studied this at university and believe me, the glass of wine the French have with dinner is absolutely tiny in comparison to what we would drink in the UK.

Like @Newforspring says, a bottle would be split between 6-8 people having a tiny glass each that’s sipped alongside their food - the main drink consumed would be water.

@Newforspringthank you, and you are so right! I have told my friends I’m doing dry June and already one of them is saying I’m boring, and (jokingly!?) I’m doing it to punish her because she had a baby last year and of course wasn’t drinking during pregnancy. It’s all seemingly in jest but I know there will be the inevitable ‘oh go on…just one…’

another friend has also stopped drinking for health reasons so that may be making this person confront their own relationship which they won’t want to do!

as I have said previously, I’m not talking about huge amounts here but it’s the frequency and the association of alcohol = fun

@tiramisugelatomy in laws drink from these glasses - they live in Europe and I always think : thought they were a waste of time as they hold so little 🙈 small plates and small glasses = smaller waistlines!

I'm AF for health reasons and can't drink AF wine or cider because they are too acidic but I'm a fan of AF beer. Excellent with a takeaway or a tray of nibbles.

You are doing so well OP 👏You can do this!
Replying to a PP up thread.
My husband has a glass of wine every evening with his meal and he definitely doesn't have a drink problem.

You said half a bottle every night and more at weekends.

Oh yeah, exactly this, I'm always like 'I wonder how they're so svelte (male and female) with all this delicious cheese about?' and then it's all teensy weensy slice of quiche and little portion of salad on tiny plate with tiny wine and BIG water and all 'mais non, mais non' <shocked face at suggestion of seconds> one cannot eat MORE.

But WHO eats all the delicious choc and biscuits and sweets and wine in the supermarkets is what I wonder?

Oh gosh just say you've a bet on with colleagues or family or something that you can't do june without booze. the point is you have to pretend to be missing it and then your friends will leave you alone. TBH I would say parents of a baby less than a year old should prob be keeping a reasonable check on their drinking (at least one of them) since as you say, what happens if you have to take them to a&e in the night?

We have normalised 'mega boozing = fun' so much in these isles in the last fifty years, especially for women, but it is changing and I don't think it's a bad thing. If we can just move towards a society where it's fine to have a glass or two or none depending on preference then we'll all be better off. I can see it def happening in my 40 something friends, one set have calmed down significantly and that is the set I'm involving myself more with.

I live in the Mediterranean. For many families I know a glass of wine is certainly not cultural. I do drink at family meals - and of parties of about 30 I am probably the only female to drink. It is true that back in the day alcohol was consumed more widely - I recall in the 80s seeing lorry drivers having a glass of red wine with lunch. Not now with police checks.

That said, I do not class your description as being “an alcoholic”. That is a ridiculous statement. I have already contributed to the thread. I hope I am not repeating myself but a couple of glasses every evening can be a slippery slope. It is a slope that I got too far along. You have made a good start in reining in your alcohol consumption because it is not good for you. Keep a couple of alcohol free days, monitor the size of your glass. Glass size has increased so much in recent years. Wine aficionados will say this is to appreciate the wine and they don’t fill it up!

So I agree with you that you are not an alcoholic but you are right to cut down.

I'm in my 60s.
When I first started going to pubs etc, 'a glass of wine' was 125ml of 9% alcohol wine - so, as per the folks above who have lived in France and Italy - that is 6 glasses from a bottle, AND the amount of alcohol was also considerably less per quantity of drink.

I often think none of that is taken into account now when people say "I only have a glass or two each evening."

I do think anyone who chooses to reach for alcohol every night does have a problem. Just because they aren't slurring words or acting aggressively doesn't mean they don't have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

Whether or not the OP, or anyone on this thread is officially 'an alcoholic' isn't really the important point though. the point is she has recognised that she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and she is now doing something about it. Which is great. Well done, and I hope you manage tonight, and tomorrow as your first weekend.

@JustGiveMeReasontotally - in pubs now they even have ‘buy 2 glasses and get the rest of the bottle free’ but the size of the glass is a quarter of a litre!!!

my glass at home is purposefully small - if I have half a bottle of wine that is three glassfuls so I pour around 125ml at a guess?

I honestly don’t know what the definition of an alcoholic is. We all imagine it’s the people who wake up and start drinking and just do it all day so they’re constantly blind drunk but I think there’s more to it. I wonder if I had developed an alcohol dependence for example. I was using it as a crutch and struggled not to drink the whole bottle of red each time so at my worst I was having 5-6 bottles a week. I gained a bit of weight and got a puffy face. I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms so to speak, aside from feeling a bit more emotional and anxious for a couple of weeks after. I don’t know if this means I was an alcoholic or not.

The AF Peroni goes nicely with our Friday pizza night.

Well done OP on recognising an issue and making a start.

Also agree with PP about the wine consumed with food in Italy. Yes in the tourist areas you may be served more because they know what makes you spend more …. But most do drink a lot less than you might think from the perception of “wine with dinner” trope.

The thing is, your liver doesn't know the difference. To help you decide if your drinking is affecting your liver I'd go and see your GP as alcohol affects women much more than men. Sadly my friend died of alcohol related liver disease and I saw her drink one beer in the whole 10 years I knew her and never saw what I'd think of as drunk, her addiction was only obvious to most people when it was too late. She was obviously drinking a lot, most likely in the evening. It's great that you're taking action but if your body has been affected and it is a use disorder it takes more than willpower so definitely check in with some expert advice and come up with a plan with all the information