I feel proud of not drinking for a night - does that mean I’m an alcoholic

[cbr333]

I have posted here before about trying to reduce my alcohol intake. I have it all together on the face of it but have decided to try and do dry June as I have been drinking one or two glasses of wine every night and more at the weekends. Doesn’t impact my day-to-day but I definitely don't feel fresh in the mornings.

I managed last night and feel confident I can do the same tonight, but the sense of achievement I’m feeling about a single day off wine is a bad sign isn’t it.

I feel like I’ve sleep-walked into a problem and because it’s lovely cote de Provence rose and I’m drinking it alongside perello olives and Torres crisps that it’s somehow not an addiction but just a mum of youngish children having some sort of reward.

I feel a bit ashamed to be honest.

You can do it. Imagine how pleased you will be if you make it through this evening as well!

I know I will get through the urge but the volume just dials up when my daughter is in bed and I’m cooking. That is clearly my big trigger

What you're describing is physical dependency.

I did rehab and I wasn't physically dependent.

We tend to think of alcoholics as shuffling about in an old coat tied with string or those that pour scotch on their cornflakes. If you feel alcohol is in any way making you think twice about your habits and intake or making you unhappy so that you’d like to give up then that can be classed as a drinking problem.

Got a Good Rays drink to try tonight as previous poster was right, no need to be buying af alternatives for the sake of it

Try eating something sweet instead. In my early recovery eating earlier really helped with the cravings.

100%

This is a bit of a fallacy.

Nobody wakes up one day as a black-out, fall down drunk. It's a gradual process that usually occurs over a period of years.

One of the most powerful quotes I read when I started my alcohol free journey 4 years ago was (paraphrased) "I never drank in the morning, until I did. I never got the shakes until I did"... alcoholism is insidious, it grows over time and whilst most people will never succumb to it to the extent they'll lose everything / become homeless etc there are many, many functioning alcoholics in every walk of life.

@cbr333 well done for acknowledging your problematic relationship with alcohol. It's a huge step. I think your example of only drinking naice wine with posh olives and crisps demonstrates my point perfectly. Alcohol makes us lie to ourselves. Because we drink good wine in relative moderation in the evening and not spirits straight from the bottle upon waking, we perpetuate the lies.

It's up to you how you tackle your drinking. For me abstinence was the only way. Moderation only ever ended up with me drinking more.

I recognise so much of what you say OP. And I promise you after about 3 months off the booze I knew I'd never go back. And that was in February 2022.

It sounds like it's just a habit you've got into to associate relaxation with wine.

Apparently on average it takes 66 days to form (and undo) habits so it's not surprising that you're still finding it difficult after just a few days.

Do you find the alcohol free drinks helpful? I don't often drink them as I don't think they're ever that good and they me want a proper drink more!

How are you doing tonight OP?

You’re doing so well! Can you download one of the sober apps that celebrates every day you get through??

It’s quite likely that you’ll start telling yourself that “just one drink” wouldn’t be so bad, so do watch out for that and try not to give in to it.

On the other hand, if you do give in then please don’t just give up and think you’ve failed. You just get back up the next day and start over.

More likely you’ve got undiagnosed adhd!

See midlife.mentor on insta and see if it resonates

Thank you much everyone, I’ve eaten dinner now and the urge has gone. Thinking about what is triggering me has been super helpful.

on the subject of alcoholism / addiction I can see that it really is a spectrum and that I’m not as alone as I think I am because most (or many bur certainly not all) people are on there.

I am slightly nervous about the weekend though as I’m seeing a friend who will expect to be drinking wine in the garden and eating good food whilst the kids play. Will maybe take my own drinks and will definitely drive there.

Oh I’ve been there too - the urge goes off me if I get to dinner and haven’t had one.

Mind you I don’t really drink day to day any more (usually only once in a blue moon when out) but when I did it was like this.

Gordon's 0 alcohol gin with fever tree cucumber tonic in a big balloon glass with ice, lime and a straw.

Often it's just a habit-I now look forward to the non alcoholic G&T in the evening.

There are many benefits to not drinking. Without a doubt I sleep better and look better, get fewer spots, my skin glows more. Hopefully you may also see these kind of benefits. I like a CBD drink for a wind down sometimes but agree with others that you don’t necessarily need alcohol free equivalents. Good luck.

Yeh definitely drive. Also maybe you could text your friend in advance to say that you’re staying off the wine at the moment. That might help with the initial temptation if you know she’s expecting you to not be drinking.

As I think another poster said, there’s a lot of sugar in wine so to prevent the cravings you need sugar. Maybe a can of coke? Not great for you but better than alcohol and more of a treat than juice, water or a cup of tea

i was you. finally i quit on 3 jan this year and not drunk since. it is easy now but it was hard at start. you need to reprogram your neural pathways so you have a new association as reward or relaxation now. i used to crave the thought of wine but it was what it represented. i have been on a city break and a holiday and not drunk. i feel i have gained more hours in the day as never have that go slow.

stick with it, it’s worth it.

I missed that but that’s a good point - the Goodrays hasn’t quite hit the spot! I don’t have a sweet tooth at all (don’t like chocolate, just don’t eat sweet foods really) but yes I must be having a fair bit in half a bottle of wine!

Does that mean I might lose some weight too!? Hadn’t even thought about that 😁

If cooking after your little one is in bed is a trigger can you try changing your day around? Cook when she is awake and just reheat later? Eat at the same time as she does then something unsexy like a bowl of whetabix for supper (no one associates whetabix with a nice glass of wine).

Drinking every day is not a good thing but you have realised this so that's a start. If you drink more than the recommended amount you need to cut down.

I had a friend who started with having a bit too much to drink that turned into a serious dependence. The worst part was the way she'd lie constantly about her drinking - not just to everyone else but to herself. She absolutely refused to admit she had a problem and would twist around anything anyone said to make out like they were insane and she was the only normal one. Because she wouldn't even countenance the idea that she was overdoing it, it turned into a huge, huge problem.

OP, I think you are so sensible and insightful to notice your drinking has turned into a habit and to be doing something about it. I think you should be really proud of yourself!