AIBU to wear a white print dress to my brother’s wedding & dressing my DD in white too?

[brillfrill]

I plan to wear a white dress with a nature print on it for my brother’s wedding in August. Picked it out with DM, she thinks it’s definitely fine. The thing is my toddler DD will also be wearing a white. Do you think anyone would take offence? I’ve added a picture of a similar dress on this thread because I don’t want the actual one on here if I wear it.

Wondering what you think?

why do people say that? Putting the bride on the spot so she has to say yes, why?

Even if she doesn't care, why would you do pick that specific colour.

So the invite says pastel colours and formal?

Your dress is neither

Nor is your dd dress

Grow up

Personally, I don't think having a white/cream background is an issue, as long as the rest has a coloured design eg. Floral.

As the invitation states 'formal' rather than 'smart dress', then I'd probably rethink the dress, to something a little more glamorous. Yes, the dress pictured is nice, but it's probably something I'd wear to an evening invitation only.

You need to completely rethink your daughter's dress. Your daughter wearing an entire white dress, is going to look 'flower girl'. Find a pretty, coloured dress, that looks more guest, than flower girl.

I think a white base dress with a pattern is fine. a dress like this if dressed up with none white accessories is perfectly fine. With no bridesmaids etc I would say white is fine - flower girls and bridesmaids are usually in a colour not white so don't see the issue there

If you ask the question, you MUST know that white/ cream/ ivory are traditionally in this country (not worldwide) the colour of the bride...

WHY, with all the possible colours that exist, just why would anyone pick white, even with a few bits of colour? Even if she doesn't care because most brides don't, can't you just let the bride have a day, and be the only one in white on the day and on the photos?

It's such a "look at me, I am too cool for rules' attitude. It's usually other guests who completely roll their eyes, it's a bit tragic really

I think it is probably fine OP as it is not too bridal. But you could wear literally any other colour and sidestep the issue entirely. Why not just do that?

To be fair the invites shouldn't need to say no white, it's usually common sense! Run the dresses past the bride and see what she thinks, but by posting here I think you already know the reaction you'll get.

“They didn’t specify no white on the invite”

they also haven’t specified not to show up naked. But you know…. Common sense??

I think the dress is fine in terms of whiteness, but I also think that if I was worrying to the point of asking online, I’d just pick something else. Just for the sake of being more comfortable with my outfit on the day. I agree with people saying it doesn’t meet the formal dress code, but since you’ve not posted the actual dress just a similar one it’s hard to say.

I agree about the white dress for your toddler. I think for a lot of people it wouldn’t be an issue. Some people might think you’re a bit of a nightmare along the lines of a MN AIBU post. “AIBU to think how dare my bitchy new SIL not want my delightful toddler as a flower girl, I always wanted my child involved in her uncle’s wedding. Im planning on dressing her like one anyway so that we have the pictures I want”.

I don’t understand why people even go near remotely white dresses. If you have to ask if it’s too white, then it is. And please don’t put the bride on the spot, she has enough to manage without worrying about the % white of your dress. There’s literally hundreds of other options out there.

This would piss me off as I would feel you were trying to make her one.

We avoided flower girls because there are so many kids in the immediate family it would have ended up a big drama. I’d be upset if SIL then dressed her child like one.

Excuse me but you don’t need to be rude! It doesn’t say the whole dress has to be pastel. There are lots colours in my dress including pastel

Literally this! It’s so ridiculous there’s SO many other colours ffs 🙄

I think if everyone is in formal wedding dress, you'll feel very underdressed in that.

It does feel like it makes more of a statement for you both to be dressed in white, too. Realistically the rule was always to stop it looking like you wanted to be the bride, or prevent any mistakes; but it is commonly interpreted as "no white". You never know who is going to be there, and whether they'll find that comment-worthy. Both of you being in white does lean towards "bridal party" quite strongly.

It's such a "look at me, I am too cool for rules' attitude. It's usually other guests who completely roll their eyes, it's a bit tragic really
It really isn't. It's a perfectly normal understanding that no white means no completely white and to any sensible person doesn't extend to no white background at all.

Nobody would actually bat an eyelid at that dress because it's entirely inoffensive and if they did they would be the tragic ones. If anyone commented on it I'd be rolling my eyes at them not the wearer of the dress.

Next, M&S, John Lewis all do nice dresses for girls. We bought a lovely cornflower blue one for 4 yr old DD a couple of years ago from M&S.

I think the orange dress is lovely and fine for a wedding. I know you’re not actually wearing it. I have a white dress with a bright blue pattern which I have worn to weddings more than once. The first time I wore it the mother of the groom was wearing the same dress with the red colour way. Just check with the couple about you and DD’s dress if you are concerned.

It's got lots of colour so that will be fine. However I little girl in white will look like a flower girl. Definitely no

@brillfrill So much depends on your family and what type of wedding this will be. In my (long) experience of attending weddings, the kind of dresses posted by @StartingToday010626 would have been thought ridiculous and too try-hard for a guest to wear.
Ultimately though what you wear is entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable enough in. You know not to wear a dress that looks like a wedding dress and that's what matters.

An over priced jersey maxi dress with a bold print. Definitely not more wedding guest like

Agree with this completely.

You can do so much better than that dress.

And if your DD has no role, why are you dressing her in white? I assumed she is a flower girl, etc when you said she’s dressed in white.

I'm baffled by the posters saying it looks like work wear or pub wear, and not special enough for a wedding. I've obviously been to very different weddings, and it would be absolutely fine! In fact if someone turned up to my office wearing it, I'm sure everyone would ask if they were on their way to a wedding 😁

If you want sensible opinions on your dress for the wedding, just post the actual dress for goodness sake! It’s not like anyone is going to file the dress away in their memory and if they see someone wear it at a wedding in a couple of months time think that you must be the person who posted this thread! Presumably the dress is coming from a manufacturer and not being made bespoke one of a kind for you?

Also, a four year-old is not a toddler! I’m sure you can find something else to dress her in other than white.

This is one of the situation where you should really ask the bride instead of assuming.

They are perfectly normal dresses that people would wear to a wedding. How are they ‘not more wedding guest like’? If I saw someone walking down the road in one of those dresses I’d think they were going somewhere like a wedding, graduation or something along those lines. If I saw somebody in the dress the OP has posted I’d think that they looked nice but that they were going about their daily business.

If you saw someone doing the school run in the op’s dress you would think ‘Sandra looks lovely today’ and if you saw somebody doing the school run in one of those two dresses you would think ‘I wonder where Sandra is going today’.