AIBU to wear a white print dress to my brother’s wedding & dressing my DD in white too?

[brillfrill]

I plan to wear a white dress with a nature print on it for my brother’s wedding in August. Picked it out with DM, she thinks it’s definitely fine. The thing is my toddler DD will also be wearing a white. Do you think anyone would take offence? I’ve added a picture of a similar dress on this thread because I don’t want the actual one on here if I wear it.

Wondering what you think?

Is there a reason you won't just ask the bride? Or even answer questions saying, just ask the bride / groom.

There's something very insincere about this...

I think in chiffon that style is formal enough.

But is it really boldly patterned? Chiffon is often floaty and pale ...

There's pastel dresses for your DD from £12 across all online shops, why you or your Mum would think, white, is anyone's guess. As said, you don't have to stipulate, no white, because like at a funeral, you don't have to stipulate, no short-shorts, you just don't do it. I'm not a fan of pastels, I'd have to go pale green. You'll find something that will blend in.

And then trying to establish they got the MN seal of approval in case someone gets upset ... by not posting the actual dresses.

Your daughter in white is absolutely fine, she's the niece of the groom so she has a special role just by being herself. Unfortunately though I think that your dress is just too white, and I'd select a different one - not to be mean in any way, the dress is very pretty.

Its more white than any other colour and a bit more summer bbq vibe than wedding so I wouldn't wear it if I were you

In fairness, asking the bride can cause tensions especially if the bride feels she is being pressured to say yes.

I wouldn't wear chiffon to a barbecue.

I think the dress is ok, it is just the colour I am getting rather suspicious about ...

Black tie is not really appropriate for a wedding. Should really only be worn after 6pm. I know it’s popular in the US though 🤷‍♀️

Most flower girls I see are in white, ivory or cream with coloured posies or sash.

The dress is fine with the amount of white, and it wouldn’t be unacceptable for a wedding, it’s clearly not “bridal” or “bridesmaidy”. However I do think it’s a bit boring and frumpy, especially for your brother’s wedding, sorry, OP. I’m almost 40 and I wouldn’t wear it. It’s more random wedding guest than family member. Anyway, don’t dress DD in white. Loads of pretty summery dresses in the shops at the moment, frilly ankle socks and sandals. Sorted. Take a spare in case she spills 😂

I don't think it's too casual but I think i would ask the bride. Well personally I wouldn't because I have no patience with being told what to wear. But that's a me issue.

I’m getting married next year and I want my guests to enjoy the day, wear what they want and be comfortable. I assume everybody in attendance will know that it’s my wedding….your dress is perfect x

If it's a 'formal' wedding then it's floor length, no?

For your daughter - there are literally endless options for little girls. I wouldn't do white though. Once you have your dress just pick a colour out of it and dress your daughter to coordinate. Vinted has thousands or more and is great for one-time wear. Definitely not mostly white though, that would be very odd.

@brillfrill I am posting what formal day wear actually looks like. These photos were taken at Ascot (mostly) and you can ignore the hats. But there’s a style to the looks. Your dress is too casual for a formal day dress code and formal does usually mean a hat or a head piece! Check with the bride if you can. It’s all about style and wearing something classy. A rather average dress doesn’t give the wedding the status it deserves.

Even though there is a coloured print on top of the white base colour of your dress, there are just so many other colours available I don't understand why people choose a predominantly white dress for a wedding. Just choose a different colour dress and then you won't be doubting your decision and you can feel confident you won't be potentially upsetting the bride on the day. Same goes for your daughter, if she's not been asked to be a flower girl.

There are seemingly hundreds of these threads on Mumsnet about it and often a pretty even split in the yes/no camps, so it's obviously a grey area!

I've just flicked through my wedding photos out of interest because I have no particular memory of whether anyone else wore anything particularly white other than one small child. Turns out SIL was in mainly white with some smudged black flowers. It didn't register with me at the time and neither her or the other guest in plain white who I also hadn't noticed stand out.

That wasn't that long ago, 15 years. It is very recent that this idea any hint of white is a terrible faux pas has come in.

I don't like the dress you've posted, OP, but you said it's not the actual dress, so...

I would stick to the suggested dress code yourself and don't dress your DD in white.

Did you post thinking everyone would just say 'yes, go for it'? Because the way you're asking for help - okay, what shall we wear then?' isn't coming across well. Normally people give their size, preferences and budget when they're asking for suggestions. So maybe you could do that if you actually want some suggestions.

Exactly this.

OP, if that’s truly what your dress looks like, it’ll be fine.

but for goodness sake don’t dress your little girl in white. She WILL look like a flower girl, and you’ll come across as someone trying to force her into the wedding party and people will be silently judging you.

My husband’s sister tried to pull that at our wedding. She was insisting her children all be part of MY bridal party, despite the fact she was on my husband’s side and I was very clear that I only wanted my sisters as bridesmaids and my niece as flower girl. Husband’s eldest sister had three children, their brother had four, and there was another much younger sister, not to mention all the girls on my side who were being pushed at me by cousins etc. It was far too much, hence why I kept it small.

Unfortunately my husband’s family thought they could control us and force the issue, to the extent that his older sister declared she’d dress her children as part of the bridal party anyway. Then Covid happened, our wedding was postponed, and we saw her listing actual bridesmaid dresses for sale that had been “bought for a family wedding but wouldn’t fit by the new date” on marketplace. Including a traditional white flower girl dress for her youngest, from a bridal company!

So, please don’t be that person. Wedding planning is stressful enough, and your brother and his stb wife are not going to look upon you favourably for dressing your daughter in white. Why don’t you choose a colour from your own dress and find one for her in that colour instead? That would look really cute.

I would ask the bride

I go by the "if you have to ask, there are other dresses".

I just wouldn't even want to think about whether my dress had too much white. And I certainly wouldn't bother the bride with questions about it.

And it's not like I was fussy myself - I told my friend I was happy for her to wear a white jumpsuit, before I remembered she was actually my fiance's ex! I just don't see why you'd put yourself through the "is it ok?" drama.

Nothing whatsoever bridal about it looks perfectly fine

No it puts her in an awkward position

I think an obviously patterned white dress is fine (but I'd probably choose something else personally, just in case the bride is extra picky).

If you put your toddler in white people will assume she's a flower girl.

I think it’s a bit unkind not to let husbands little nieces be flower girls