To break up due to finances?

[MM1972]

To consider breaking up with partner over finances? My partner has 3X my current earnings. They never have any money and are constantly 'borrowing' from me to fix their car. I never get the money back.

The 'family' car they bought was something I felt was unnecessary. We had a reliable car of similar mileage and age which we had always had maintained at the main dealer. The 'new' car has been a disaster.

The main reason they have no money is due to them taking out numerous payday type loans.

They have already paid way more than they borrowed. I think they should go for bankruptcy and start again. They refuse this suggestion point blank.

The car is currently broken down and I will not contribute any more money to it. The MOT is up in August and it has no chance of passing. They still owe money on it.

Currently we live in rented accommodation even though I have my own house. The rent is £700 a month. The location of the rental property entails an hour commute each way to my work. They want to rent to be close to their daughter who has her own house and partner.

I wouldnt have any respect for someone who behaved like that financially. And a relationship with no respect is a river with no water. Sounds like they bring a lot of hassle and stress to your life as well.

Why did you move to live an hour away from work when you have your own house? Dump him hes a waster.

I was assuming your partner was quite young as they are so reckless with money but then you mentioned the adult daughter.
Can you move back to your house or are you renting it out?

You're incompatible financially and you're catering and financing a time wasting parasite of your energy and your money. Break up and go back to your place alone.

Adult daughter means you maybe most are over 40? So he should definitely know better with money by now.

Stop lending money and return to your own house.

OMG please extrictate yourself asap! Can you move back to your property?

Dump him.

My goodness @MM1972 go back to your own house ASAP before he makes you sell it to cover his mess.

Financial incompatibility is one of the most common reasons for breakups.

Both of you will resent each other. One for having to ask for money and the other for having to give it.

Move back to your house, find a man who is an actual adult, or be single and feel the stress and tension melt away...

Aargh accidentally clicked YABU @MM1972 instead of YANBU, I think. Please dump them!

Leave

End it immediately and check your credit rating too. Change all your passwords. Font choose this life.

Just click yanbu then snd change it

They? Is your partner male or female?

I am not sure what difference that makes? Unless your advice is dependent on their or my sex?

Is it? Can you explain why?

Unless that is their pronouns, it makes you sound evasive. It does not make a difference.

LTB.

I'd say that they are demonstrating little respect for you and your hard earned cash. I'd rethink the relationship in your shoes. Making bad financial decisions one after another doesn't bode well.

Id get out now before your credit rating tanks too. You’re not compatible

I was interested in if the partner was female and if she wants to live close to her daughter and if there are grandchildren involved there, but it doesn’t make a great deal of difference.

If you are not happy, you can’t respect each others opinions, and they take advantage of you financially then you are leaving because of more than money.

Leave her.
And start using pronouns asap

The reason they are using payday loans probably because their credit rating is tanked snd they can't borrow anywhere else. Going bankrupt means their credit rating will still be tanked. They might as well do it.

Sounds like your partner does not consider you at all. Given they earn three times what you do and still never have any money and borrows from you and never repays it that would be enough for me to reconsider the relationship. If they are insisting you live an hour away from your work and have to pay rent in spite of having your own house and presumably pay more fuel to get to work then I would question the relationship further. Certainly stop the lending of money and maybe move back to your own house assuming it is closer to work.

OP, what on earth are you getting out of this relationship? If you have your own house, why don’t you move back to it? It sounds as though you’d be a lot better off financially. Clearly your partner never learns from their mistakes, so the situation will get worse until they are finally forced into bankruptcy, which they will probably blame you for.

A couple of things:

1. You’re clearly not aligned on money and you have sadly been used as a cash cow. I still don’t quite understand how they don’t have any money - do you think there is an addiction issue somewhere?
2. Bankruptcy will not wipe away their debts, it will make life so much harder for the next seven to ten years. Err with extreme caution.
3. Only you can answer whether you think you need to break up. Good luck with your decision.

I am completely financially dependent on my husband and I don’t even stress him out or take advantage like this! We budget tightly and discuss household purchases. I lived with an ex who was a completely irresponsible loser like this. It’s not fun. It drains your life force away.

A lot of money is spent on TV packages. I have suggested cancelling that. I have been over ruled.
There have been numerous food subscriptions as well as craft gin club. A takeaway every so often. I don't get anything as I have requested we don't waste money that way. These things all add up.
There are frequent Amazon packages of cheap tat - several a week.
They have said their previous partner was very controlling about finances. I feel helpless. Every suggestion I make about cutting back on outgoings is furiously shot down.