To break up due to finances?

[MM1972]

To consider breaking up with partner over finances? My partner has 3X my current earnings. They never have any money and are constantly 'borrowing' from me to fix their car. I never get the money back.

The 'family' car they bought was something I felt was unnecessary. We had a reliable car of similar mileage and age which we had always had maintained at the main dealer. The 'new' car has been a disaster.

The main reason they have no money is due to them taking out numerous payday type loans.

They have already paid way more than they borrowed. I think they should go for bankruptcy and start again. They refuse this suggestion point blank.

The car is currently broken down and I will not contribute any more money to it. The MOT is up in August and it has no chance of passing. They still owe money on it.

Currently we live in rented accommodation even though I have my own house. The rent is £700 a month. The location of the rental property entails an hour commute each way to my work. They want to rent to be close to their daughter who has her own house and partner.

This is mostly a myth. The gender neutral pronoun thing that some male posters do is insulting our intelligence. Don't ask advice from a bunch of women if you don't want a female perspective and don't treat us like we are dumb

Is your partner non-binary and goes by 'they'?
Even so, on an anonimous forum it's OK to say he or she, it is just exhausting to read otherwise and looks, well, silly

Not sure why you need to hide the gender. Why is it a big deal. If someone is financially irresponsible and the other person is not then those two probably are not suited

Your partner is rubbish with money, that's the bottom line. Yes, it's entirely possible they have a gambling or shopping addiction, but equally it could be that they are simply incapable of budgeting.

Living with someone who regularly takes out payday loans, has no understanding of budgeting, can't save, and is irresponsible becomes tedious as well as stressful.

You have your own home, and are working, so you are in a decent position here. Your partner refuses to cut back on their spending, even though they must know they are living beyond their means. They are taking zero responsibility for the debt they are building and their entire attitude towards money is irresponsible and immature.

Stop bailing your partner out. Take steps to move back to your own property and end the relationship. Finances is a huge fundamental of a relationship, and yours don't align, it will cause no end of arguments and stress.... it's not worth it.

It comes across as emotionally cold. And already left any relationship.

So leave then. It's not that difficult.

You’ll end up in debt because of your partner. You say you have your own house? Can you move back and just go back to casually seeing them?

Sounds like it's all about your partner and their convenience but nothing about you.
Is there any point in being with that person?

YANBU and you need to leave ASAP. It's not just about finances, it's about the complete lack of respect they clearly have for you.

Why are you lending them money?

Your DP...can you lend me £10

You...Sorry no.

There is nothing more unattractive than someone who is bad with money, especially if they end up borrowing money.

I would definitely end it.
This is very selfish behaviour.

You will get some silly replies because posters think you’re a man - which is likely why you chose to not say the sexes.

I actually think all threads should be sex-anonymous as we know MN can be very biased as proven by some of these replies.

My response would be the same regardless of whether you are a man or woman in a heterosexual relationship or in a same sex relationship.

In future it might be better to pretend you are a woman with a male partner.

He has a healthy savings account for when he no longer has a partner. It was a plan he made whilst using you and your money to finance his life.

Yes three children.

Definitely sounds like a female partner.

I thought this, but then thought that this may be a same-sex relationship, I have seen that quite often on Mumsnet when the poster is not wanting to divulge that piece of information - the OP uses "they" "them" - which is just frustrating to read.

Either way male or female - straight or same-sex relationship - it does not matter, you aren't compatible and they are being unreasonable. LTB.

Run….
Previous partner most likely had the same challenges you have - spending beyond income on stuff that could easily be cut

If income doubled tomorrow the spending would triple

Do you really need this freeloader in your life OP?

You have managed to have 3 children together while living in rented accommodation instead of your own home? This is madness. You need to be building some financial security for them. Would the children live with you? I’d be moving back home pronto.

It's never £10. The last 3 times the car needed attention was over £600 each time.

There are no savings. House was sold and capital spent. Mother died and money from will was spent.
I buy things too of course. I tend to buy fewer things that are higher quality and last a long time and can be sold on. I won't replace something for the sake of having something newer or buy useless tat.

Are you married?
What do they bring to your life? What would your life looked like if you moved back to your own place? Would you be financially ok?

not sure why you need to ask.

Financially I would be ok. We have 3 kids and both have kids from previous relationships. I don't want to fail again.

Yes you should.

OP if the TV subscriptions are in your name and you are paying for them, I would cancel them immediately. If your partner wants their own subscription then they can fund it! (Unlikely as they are skint!)
They don't get to call the financial decisions if they aren't funding them. I'd start saving that money for your potential escape if you no longer want to remain in the relationship.

Just separate and be single.

Financially you are usually better off living as a couple but you obviously are not.

It’s a sign of disrespect when someone is so bad with money.

I now see why you have separate accounts.