To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

[Lisatron]

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

I think an adult being self destructive and then needing additional care when you have small children to care for them would be very stressful and upsetting for anyone. I’m not saying you did the wrong thing to be with him but I think it’s totally fair for your DH to find it upsetting.

The best thing to do at this point is put DB on an early flight home so you can get on with the rest of your holiday.

Your husband has absolutely every right to sulk, I'd be absolutely fuming with the pair of you! You for enabling and pandering to a man child and your brother for being an out of control, selfish prick, who needs to grow the fuck up.
If I was your husband, I'd be leaving the pair of you to your weird relationship and going off somewhere else to enjoy the rest of my hard earned holiday, away from the drama you've blatantly created!
If your brother is so good with the kids and you clearly want to be with him more than your husband, then that's the best solution all round. A perfect, albeit weird little family holiday!

I know T1 diabetic children who manage their condition excellently. Your brother is an idiot, and your DP is correct.

I agree with every word. Your DH is sulking because his BIL ruined the start of your holiday and instead of apologising he's feeling sorry for himself, worse still you've taken your DB side.

You say in your OP your brother has a habit of drinking too much and then later that he hardly ever drinks. So which one of those statements is true?

OP, your brother has behaved dreadfully here, and you don't seem to want to acknowledge that. It is completely understandable that your DH is annoyed.

Your brother is not a teenager any more,, he is a 22 year old adult man who knows that he has T1 diabetes. He knows that he shouldn't be drinking to excess.

He is on a free holiday which you and your DH have generously invited him on, and instead of acting as if he is grateful, he has behaved appallingly. You say that he isn't an alcoholic, but if he doesn't have an addiction problem, then I can't imagine what would make anyone choose to behave so badly.

Of course your DH is upset and regretting the fact that you invited your brother. He has ruined the holiday because of hours selfish behaviour. And bizarrely, you don't seem able to see this.

I am not entirely sure how you're going to recover this one, as your brother clearly can't be trusted and your DH is naturally going to be upset. I'm guessing that he is also going to be quite angry with you for refusing to see why he is upset - you definitely need to apologise and so does your brother.

The only other comment that I would make is that you absolutely can't leave your very young children in the care of your brother at any point. He is clearly not mature or responsible enough to take care of anyone.

Put the bro on the next flight home? Apologise to your husband then enjoy the rest of your holiday and don’t take the little bellend on any more of your family holidays

Your brother's being an unreasonable arsehole who's ruining other people's holidays. No wonder your hubby's in a bit of a mood. Why is the brother even on holiday with you in the first place?

This!

You are not your brothers mother! You do not need to keep an eye on him nor worry about him. He is a grown adult and doesn't need his mother asking you to keep an eye on him either
What is with people these days not letting children be adults
I would be very p off like your husband on this holiday, annual leave is precious and holidays cost money, though i wouldn't have agreed your brother come in the 1st place. Yes your husband shouldn't be sulking but he doing that because you are not listening to him
Put your brother on a plane home, ignore your own mother and concentrating on parenting your own children instead and your relationship with your husband

I think it’s fine to take the brother, plenty of people take family members on holiday, what’s not fine is to give the brother a pass for shitty behaviour then take exception to the husband when he’s rightly pissed off about it.

i genuinely am stunned how much the op and her mum panders to this man’s behaviour, but for the mother to some extent it’s understandable, what’s not is the op prioritising him over her own husband and children.

he’s 22 not a child nor are you his carer. If he won’t behave like an adult and take responsibility for his own health he does not belong on a family holiday. Maybe this will be a wake up call but unless he is apologetic and you can stop pandering to him he should head home.

Team h all the way. You can't keep mothering your b no matter how much you love him, you have a h and kids they should be your priority.
Your b has a mum she can be responsible for 'keeping an eye on him'.

He clearly ruined the holiday, I agree with pp, you need to get rid of him.

I see this is one of those threads where it looks like the OP doesn't like the replies and has gone incommunicado.

Your brother is 22 not a child. You are not his mother. My sympathy is entirely with your husband, not you and certainly not your brother.
why on earth did you take him on holiday with you?Your own family comes first.

Initially, during an awake hypo, an insulin dependent diabetic should have a drink of something very sweet, eg a small bottle of glucose - they are made specifically for hypo events - that the diabetic keeps with him/herself at all times. That then needs to be foiiowed by some carbohydrates. Once their glucose readings rise to about 5.7, and continue to stay there, or rise higher, you can leave a fully conscious adult diabetic to carry on their care for themself.

If, however the hypo has gone low enough to render them unconscio us, you need to call an ambulance immediately. Once a Paramedic has taken over the care of the adult diabetic patient, you can return to your own immediate family. Therefore, you @Lisatron, should be able to return to your husband and children within about an hour from when either you, or the medics, first took over the administration of something sweet. It is your brother's responsibility - as an adult - to have everything on hand so that he can treat his own hypos.

Both you and your mum need to stop molly-coddling him, you are not doing him any favours OP, by enabling his childish behaiour. In fact, your actions may well put him at more risk, because if he hasn't learned how to manage his own diabetes by now, the day will inevitably come when he has no-one around to help him... I am an adult, insulin dependent diabetic, so I am well aware of the risks associated with having hypos, and I treat myself on the occassions that I do have a hypo. I have a small bottle of liquid glucose, and then I have a banana sandwich that I prepared earlier - just in case. As I am also on a reducing diet, so I factor in the banana sandwich's calories every day - as I don't like wasting food!

NB: Anyone who wants to help an unconscious, suspected diabetic, will first need to establish whether the unconscious state was brought on by a hypo, or a hyper, as giving anything sweet to someone having a hyperglycemic attack could end up being fatal. A hypo left untreated can also cause death, but hypos are usually discovered before a person actually becomes unconsious. If the 'patient's breath smells

fruity or like acetone (nail varnish remover) then it is almost certainly a hyper attack, but again, please give that information to the service person you are talking to on the phone, please do not try to make the diagnosis yourself. Also, don't attempt to give the unconscious person any insulin unless advised to do so over the phone by a diabetic specialist. Those two points are extremely important.

So, from what you have told us Lisatron, your brother is certainly able to control his own diabetes, just like millions of other diabetic adults. Please don't let your marriage and family disintegrate, just because you couldn't put your family first.

Your brother sounds like my uncle.

He is very good at saying he doesn't drink on his own. He does. All the time. He's asking you not to tell your mum. How often do you think she's been asked not to tell you something? No one has the full picture if everyone is covering bits of it up.

My mum spends a lot of time worrying about her brother and he's 60 now. He's actually managed to push most of the rest of the family and his friends away because the behaviour spiralled so badly.

You need to stop coddling him and make sure he's taking responsibility for himself and his own health. It's not your job. It will get worse if he doesn't start to take responsibility for his own actions and you help him / hide it from people who love him.

You need to prioritise your own family, yourDP and your children. You are not your brothers keeper. He is taking advantage.

Stop it NOW and tell him unless he shapes up, he goes home immediately.

Your brother is a bad example to your children and you are modelling that you can be used/abused by him. He's manipulating you.

Sorry but I’m with your DP on this too. My SIL is an absolute mess, luckily DH thinks this too so broadly avoids her. There’s absolutely no way on God’s earth we’d invite her on a family holiday, certainly wouldn’t pay for her! This was supposed to be time for your family, not your brother who obviously needs professional help.

Your partner isn’t “sulking”. He’s angry and rightly so.

You are the unreasonable one for taking an adult toddler with you on holiday when it was completely unnecessary to do that.

You put your husband well down your list of priorities.

You did ruin his holiday.

I have a brother who has had mental health problems all his life and has adult 'tantrums' he's a fully functioning human being but I can't tell you how many holidays and family occasions he has ruined, and I don't think any friend or family member who was with us on these occasions would mind anyone saying that.

These sorts of family members are holiday ruining pains in the arse, but we love them and care about them and desperately want them to be happy so we go above and beyond or put up with things others wouldn't or don't seem the full damage these people are doing to the wider family.

I think your husband storming off was also childish and ridiculous but I can totally understand his anger and misery. Give each other a break, you need to accept your brother has indeed ruined the holiday and that would make anyone angry, and your husband needs to see you love your brother and worry about him therefore pander to him a bit, and you need to help and support each other. And don't take your brother on holiday with you until the kids are an age where everything is a bit easier!

My own sibling is T1 too. Why the heck is your ADULT brother not responsible to manage his condition. It is completely manageable as many other conditions are. Why does your mum and you baby him like this?? you didn’t need to watch over him if your mum is there?

I would be so upset too if I was your dh. This isn’t ok op.