To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

[Lisatron]

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

You're annoyed at the wrong person here OP...........

Stop enabling your brother

Having said that, both the men in OP's life need to grow up a bit, take more responsibility for their actions and situations they put themselves in!

What situation did OPs husband put himself in exactly? He was the one on on holidays minding their shared children while OP had to mind her stupid little drunk brother

@WhereYouLeftIt people who have T1 have to grow up quickly. They are expected to deal with their own injections, monitor their blood sugar readings and make sure they always have some snacks on them in case of hypos
That doesn't mean that I didn't remind my DS when he was diagnosed what he had to do. But it did mean that he had to think, when at school or otherwise out with friends, about his blood sugars and to recognize when a hypo was starting. It's the same with lots of chronic conditions. The person with the condition has a different life to theifriends.

Sorry quoted wrong person and can't edit.

That’s what I thought. The op and hee brother need to grow up.

He has. I would never have taken him on holiday anyway, he drinks and neglects his health, too much responsibility for you and Dp since you have your children to care for

Who is your loyalty too, your husband or your brother? Stop babying your adult brother and focus on your family.

I don't think your partner is being reasonable. I think he's adding to the problem rather than contributing to moving forward and being a bit dramatic about one night.

It's not unreasonable for your brother to go to a bar by himself and not unreasonable for him to want time away from the rest of you.

There is some harm reduction advice for diabetics who choose to drink alcohol - it's worth finding it. Different alcohols have differing levels of carbohydrates. There's a huge lack of understanding about the impact of diabetes on 'normal' rites of passage - somebody of 22 should be able to get drunk on holiday with the most likely consequence being a hangover.

If your brother can't manage his own hypos he's at risk of not being allowed to drive for a while. It's worth thinking about where he is - able to manage but it's easier if you're around or unable to manage without someone else's help.

What you can do: really clear communication about which activities you're doing together / who is responsible for which children and when/ what alone time everybody gets. It's obvious from that that you can't be drunk in charge of children. Remember it's everybody's holiday. Unless you agreed in advance with your brother he was on call for childcare all the time, it's not fair to expect him to remain sober the whole time.

You might be able to model safer alcohol consumption for your brother by having wine with meals / spirits as a nightcap if you also drink alcohol.

His diabetes nurse / one of the diabetes charities may be able to help with adjusting insulin if it's getting hard for him to work out the adjustments needed for the time change / different temperatures / less familiar foods if he's trying to count the carbohydrates. His reaction to alcohol at the bar may be exaggerated because of the other stuff meaning it might be less bad later in the week once he's acclimatised. I bet the diabetes nurses have 'cheat sheets' for less intense concentration on diabetes management at times when that's too hard. 'diabetes distress' is worth looking up.

He has ruined your holiday though. 🤷 I agree with your partner. For me a holiday is family time and I wouldn't want to be stuck in a hotel room while my partner and children are away having fun. My children are also 1 and 4 and require both of us to watch them at the beach, in a busy place and swimming. It's probably been stressful for your partner. The children would be excited, tired and a bit overwhelmed being in a strange place and he's coping with them by himself as your brother is being an idiot. If my partner took his brother with us as a third wheel and he acted like than I'd just give up on the holiday and go home. I'm be fuming.

It sounds as though your brother is a big part of your life OP, you say he often comes over. Perhaps for the sake of your marriage and nuclear family you should holiday without your brother, so you can have some quality time without having to think about your brothers wellbeing all the time.

You are being unfair

I have a son of 22 and I think your brothers behaviour is selfish, juvenile and annoying.
It's a free family holiday and he is causing drama.
I think your partner should have realised that this was a possibility.
I wouldn't dream of giving him responsibility of my children.
I wouldn't be bringing him on holidays again either.
Your brother needs to be told cop himself on.
He sounds extremely self absorbed.
This is a family holiday and your children should have your attention, not your childish brother.

I certainly wouldn't be happy in your partners shoes.
He wouldn't be joining me on holiday again.
Have a bit of understanding for your partner or you could be storing up relationship trouble.
Your brother isn't your responsibility.

I had a brother like yours and he ruined a couple of years in my 20's with his bullshit and drama.
He dumped on me rather than our parents.
Age 30 I was done and told him I was finished being his free therapist.
It was a huge relief.
He was fine.
I wish I had told him early to cop on and grow up.

Beware of infantilising him.

This - your DH has every right to be annoyed, your DB has got a free holiday to help with babysitting instead you are babysitting him !

It's not unreasonable for your brother to go to a bar by himself and not unreasonable for him to want time away from the rest of you.

Of course it's not unreasonable for the brother to want some time away. But it is completely and utterly unreasonable for him to get so drunk when he knowingly has a medical condition and ends up with his sister opting to spend time away from her young family to babysit him. That's completely unacceptable.

Imagine your DP bought along his sister. She went out, got pissed and your DP vanished to look after her all day leaving you with both kids on the second day of your holiday. Which is meant to be family time- but you prioritised your manchild brother over your partner and kids.

He’s been a diabetic for years, he knows how to manage it. Apologise to your husband and get on with your holiday.

Inviting a 22 year old male relative with responsibility issues on holiday to babysit for him.

Why on earth did you bring your brother on holiday with you? And pay for him to come? If he was going to help you have a nice holiday, fair enough, but it sounds far from this!

Clearly the brother wasn't babysitting and that's not what the DPs problem was. It was that the holiday was ruined because the petulant OP and Brother needed to leave the family for drink issues.

So let me get this right. You paid for your brother to go on holiday knowing and after your mum warned you he’s drinking and not looking after himself. Then you spend the first night on holiday looking after your dick brother who’s gone and got drunk leaving your husband to look after the kids all night. Seriously. Your brother is a selfish twat and you’re stupid for enabling him to act like this with no consequences. Next time leave your brother at home and have a holiday with your family. Your husband has every right to be thoroughly pissed off with you

My son was diagnosed Type 1 aged 25. Fortunately he took the medical advice to heart and I’m so proud of him. Hypers and hypos are dangerous as you are aware and so should your brother be. He must take control of his own life and not depend on others to bail him out if he acts irresponsibly. I understand your concern for your brother but your main concerns are your children and husband. I’m afraid you’re being unreasonable in this instance.

I'm afraid I'm with your DH on this one , you shouldn't be leaving your 3 children to look after an adult brother who really should know better. You can't stop your brother making bad decisions- he is an adult, you really shouldn't have taken him on holiday.
Picking up the pieces is not your job and you really don't have the option of putting yourself in that role when you have 3 children under 5- that is more than enough responsibility for anyone- you are endangering your relationship and your children , by attempting to parent an adult who doesn't want to change.

Your DP would not be off in a sulk if it wasn't for your brother's behaviour and subsequently your own behaviour.
Big enough to go out drinking, he's big enough to manage his hangover by himself. You could have popped in and out over the day, you didn't need to stay with him, he's not a small child.

You are putting him in front of your children and husband.

You obviously don't like what's been written here but you really should reflect on how you behave.

I don't see the holiday as ruined, tomorrow is only our 3rd full day but dp going off and sulking is ruining the holiday

I’d imagine he sees it as ruined because the first couple of days have revolved entirely around your brother rather than your DP and children and your DP was under the impression that your brother would babysit so you two could have some time together. And now he doesn’t trust him not to drink alcohol. I wouldn’t want to leave my children with him either. He’s probably sick to the back teeth of you and your DM running around looking after him when he knows he shouldn’t be drinking.

And; tomorrow is only their third full day. If brother being a twat hasn’t ruined it then dh sulking hasn’t either. Stop with the double standards op where your brother can do no wrong but your dh is ruining your holiday.

Your just refusing to see the reality, how many more posts needed before you get it