To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

[Lisatron]

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

He did ruin the holiday?

Your brother is the unreasonable one.
I don't blame your DP for getting annoyed that you are having to parent an adult leaving him with your actual children on his own.

Why is your brother on holiday with you!??!

Your brother is BU. As are you. He’s a poorly behaved adult and you’re enabling him. What is it you think your husband has done wrong here?

Your DP is bang on I’d say

He isn’t wrong.

Why did you even take your brother surely this was a holiday with your dh and children.

Now your brothers gone an fucked it up on a free holiday 👏

Why the hell would you take him on holiday?! I would be furious if I was your DH, he sort of has ruined the holiday.

Your DP is right

Well it sounds like he's reckless with his drinking and his diabetes probably in part because he knows big sis will pick up the pieces every time and baby him. He's an adult FFS. Where is the responsibility and accountability?

I don't blame your DH for being fuming he's had to put up with that shit on the first night of his hard-earned holiday. I'd feel the same.

I can’t say I’d be best impressed if my DH left me with the kids on holiday while he had to look after a sibling with a hangover who had had a preventable medical incident…

Is he being apologetic to you and your DH?

Of course you’re being unreasonable. Your brother is an adult with a health condition, on a holiday with young children, paid for by someone else. And he has chose to go to a bar and get drunk, both an odd thing to do around children, but also extremely irresponsibly given his diabetes.

I am not sure how you don’t understand your husbands perspective and why you aren’t furious with your brother.

It does sound like your brother behaved really badly and spoilt the holiday. Obviously your DH has to put up with a certain amount of inconvenience for the sake of family ties, but it is still ok for him to be upset when someone abuses their welcome!

Why is anyone expected to tolerate this sort of behaviour from your brother? You don't get a free pass just because you have diabetes, are unhappy, and drink too much.

I'd be angry if I was in your husband's position. Your brother is being reckless and irresponsible and he's burdening everyone else with the consequences of it, your husband has every right to say his holiday is being ruined. Because it is.

Your partner is not being unreasonable. Your brother does seem to be ruining the holiday. I’d be pissed off if my husband invited his sister (who has mh issues and needs constant attention) on our holiday

Your partner is correct, he has ruined your holiday, he's behaving like a child and you're enabling it and infantilising him.

YABU. Why has your brother gone on holiday with you?

He has really fucked up with his stupid, reckless choices. Your DH must be at the end of his tether with this nonsense. Drop the saviour complex and focus on your own children.

I would be very pissed of if I was your husband

Yabu - tell your bro to grow up

He is ruining the holiday. Outrageous behaviour. Yes he may have issues but he has totally ruined things, which are already hard enough with a 1yo and a 4yo. You left your kids in an unfamiliar environment with your DP to deal with a spoilt manchild who gives no shits that he’s ruining your holiday.

Put him on a plane home tomorrow and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Your brother needs some support to work on why he is slowly killing himself with uncontrolled diabetes. Professional help.

Get rid of him op this is your holiday and he is ruining it. Your dp is correct

That’s not ok though is it? And he did ruin that night and the subsequent day through his own childish behaviour of disappearing, getting shitfaced and needing to be babysat. You can’t just excuse shitty, juvenile, selfish behaviour because he also happens to have a serious medical condition. Your DH is right and it isn’t fair on the kids thar mummy is missing time on their family holiday to parent a manchild.

Also you say your brother is at yours often. Maybe your dh actually wanted a holiday away from your brother to start with and yet here he is bad behaviour ruining that as well as always being the third wheel.

Your partner is correct. Your bro is being an asshole and ruining your holiday and you're enabling him.

Send your bro home.

YABU. It's not up to you to have to look after your brother like he's a toddler, you have your own kids and you just expected DH to take up the slack because your brother got drunk.