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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

277 replies

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 20:42

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

OP posts:
SunnyWeekendl · 01/06/2026 20:58

I can’t believe you are even questioning your partner, he is bang on

MyThreeWords · 01/06/2026 20:59

Have you been brought up with the idea that it is somehow your job to take care of your brother, with the whole family dynamic revolving around his needs?

FlowerSticker · 01/06/2026 20:59

YABU

well, your brother is, what a dick head he is.

Growlybear83 · 01/06/2026 21:00

Why on earth are you annoyed at your husband saying your brother has ruined your holiday? Not only has he paid for your brother, but your brother clearly HAS retuned your holiday, as well as setting a terrible example for your four year old. I think you are the unreasonable one.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 01/06/2026 21:00

Another saying your dp is correct, why have you brought your brother on your family holiday?

Don’t do this again. Say you are sorry to DP for putting him in this position. Don’t bring your brother on your family holiday ever again.

Freshstartyear25 · 01/06/2026 21:01

Yes your dp is right and your brother is acting like a man child and you’re there enabling this. He’s ruined yesterday night and today from your holiday. He needs to go home if he won’t behave

WhatAMarvelousTune · 01/06/2026 21:01

I agree with your DH. Why are you paying for your brother to come and ruin your holiday?

Trumptontown · 01/06/2026 21:02

You are most definitely BU. Your poor husband.

SliceofTosst · 01/06/2026 21:03

Team DH.

Your brother knows he has a condition and is old enough to control his drinking. You need to have a word with him about his unacceptable behaviour on your family holiday.

Stop enabling him.

TeenLifeMum · 01/06/2026 21:03

Your brother is old enough to get his shit together. He’s ruining precious family time for you and dh with your young dc.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 01/06/2026 21:04

Yabu after reading the first few lines. Why is he even with you? No wonder your DH is irritated

Probably a reverse

justasmalltownmum · 01/06/2026 21:07

I also have a similar family dynamic and have had siblings come on holiday. But I would absolutely tell my sibling straight.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 01/06/2026 21:07

Unmanaged T1 diabetes can cause some major personality issues including unpredictability, irrational behaviour, aggression, risk taking.

@Lisatron I admire your dedication to your brother, and if I am honest neither you nor your DP are wrong, but out of control diabetes plus young children is a very dangerous mix. You need tonout your db on a plane home unless he agrees to no more drinking during the holiday and taking his meds correctly.

My stepson died 2 years ago age 16 Following repeated behaviour like your DB. No one that he lived with and saw daily did anything to stop it and my dh was ostracised and blocked from an active role in hia sons care for daring to challenge his exw. There is a load more to it, search my name and the details will come up...

The op is right to protect her brother and support him. But there is a time and a place.

Pinkflamingo10 · 01/06/2026 21:08

Your husband is not wrong

InterIgnis · 01/06/2026 21:08

I wouldn’t have agreed to this holiday in the first place, if I were your partner.

It’s wild that you think that he’s the one in the wrong here.

Nomorebullshitnotavailable · 01/06/2026 21:09

You brother has ruined the family holiday. Your partner is right. You should be hanging out with your kids, not an incompetent adult.

pasturesgreen · 01/06/2026 21:10

I have every sympathy for your DH here.
Boggles my mind that you should take your troubled adult brother on your family holiday, and paying for the privilege too.

ColdAsAWitches · 01/06/2026 21:11

You're so obviously in the wrong, I'm waiting for this to be declared a reverse. Your brother's problems are self-inflicted and he IS ruining things for everyone n

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/06/2026 21:12

Your DP is allowed to have his feelings about the situation with your DB, but surely he can cope alone with his own kids for one night? He's not helping by storming out.

Can he not discuss it with you without throwing his toys out of the pram?

I appreciate your brother is being a giant pain in the arse but you are also allowed to be worried about him and want to make sure he stays alive without your DP making it worse.

sesquipedalian · 01/06/2026 21:13

OP, what possessed you to take your DB on holiday? Your DP was very long suffering to allow him to come at all, and instead of showing any gratitude, he’s behaving like an irresponsible teenager. Your DB is the person ruining the holiday - your DP’s response is very mild, under the circs. He’s absolutely right to say your DB is like having another kid. Question is, what is DB going to do about it? At the very least, he owes your DP an apology.

Horses7 · 01/06/2026 21:13

Team DP here!

pizzaHeart · 01/06/2026 21:13

Your DH was right, I would be fuming. I also think that your reaction has made the situation worse. You’ve created nothing but problems for your DH and kids by taking your brother on this holiday so you owe DH an apology.

ImmortalSnowman · 01/06/2026 21:14

Might be time for you to think how shared custody will work @Lisatron when your partner leaves and you can't look after your children because you are mollycoddling a man child who has no regard for his own health.

T1 Children manage their diabetes better than your grown adult brother.

Shoxfordian · 01/06/2026 21:14

Your brother has ruined your trip so far with his bad behaviour so I agree with your dp. Why do you feel the need to indulge him?

CornishPorsche · 01/06/2026 21:14

Your DP is right. You have young children and your DB is going to be a PITA all week.