To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

[Lisatron]

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

To be fair OP you've asked for opinions on a site where most won't understand the complexities of a young adult living with a chronic illness like Type 1 diabetes.
You sound like a fantastic sister trying to help your brother out and you are doing the right thing being there for him and definitely staying with him when he had drank too much. Type 1 is relentless- 24/7 and it sounds like your brother is burnt out and is making poor decisions. Its well known how much the condition can impact mental heath because of how relentless it can be. Never an off button day or night.
Its a shame its affected your holiday but I have empathy for you and your brother because I have a similar issue in my family so I do have personal experience. I would say the opinions of people that have no understanding of this condition are irrelevant.
I hope your DH comes round as its support and understanding you need aswell. What's your brother diabetes team like - do they offer support and would he accept it?

Your son was a fully grown adult at 25 when he was diagnosed. Most people with T1 are children and teenagers - it makes a huge difference. Everyone is different aswell including insulin resistance and management of the condition. Its great your son is managing but its not the same story for everyone so all people with the condition shouldn't be lumped in the same boat.

I very much understand the complexities. Babying this adult like the op’s there there approach would never ever fly in any of the T1 cases in my family.

I do have understanding of T1. My adult DS has had it for 25 years, since the age of 11. I'm still saying that the OP is being unreasonable. Yes it's sad, yes it's difficult, yes it can cause depression. But at the end of the day, anyone with T1 has to take control and do what is best for them in terms of the condition. I understand that sometimes despite doing all the right things, hypos happen. For that matter hypers can happen too. But going out alone drinking to excess isn't a good move. It could result in death as most people passing by will see a drunk young man, not a drunk person having a hypo. It's his responsibility, ultimately, to behave responsibly, even if that means he can't do some things.

He did ruin it.

I'm diabetic too, and I get it. It's not fun to have to be vigilant all the time, deny myself things others can have, etc. But like all health matters, even if it's not my fault it IS my responsibility. If I go into DKA on a holiday, then what?

YABU @Lisatron. You are enabling your DB to continue his irresponsible behaviour. I am not a bit surprised your DP is annoyed .

Of course going out drinking alone isn't a good move. Yes he SHOULD behave responsibly to keep his levels in check. We both agree on those points but for whatever reason and we don't know the full picture, her brother isnt doing those things and this is where he's at. He needs understanding, support and hopefully he'll get on track. Tough love is hard to deliver when the consequences may actually be dying in his sleep.

Well its lucky no one in your family needed a different approach.

I know alot of families living with T1. Some have had no issues what so ever so far. Its takes work but they do all the right things and get on with stuff no problem. There are others that for various reasons they struggle more or they have more than one diagnosis that layers the complexities. The people that have repeated hospital admissions are the ones that were left to get on with it when they were diagnosed or when they were struggling.

My own experience is in the middle. My child has had it since she was a toddler. On the whole she manages it amazingly well. She does loads of sports, travels with friends etc but due to other stuff going on in her life she has occasional blips and yes I am there to help support her when that happens. I don't enable her, she knows the health consequences, its her body, its her life but sometimes people need some extra support and understanding. It's not even about T1 really.

OPs brother has ruined the holiday according to her DH but there's a bigger picture here and I applaud OP for being there for her brother.

And what will happen if the sister isn't there?

Even after the event he's hiding out instead of coming out and apologising to his sister and BIL though... and she's making excuses for him. He's not a bloody child. He did something wrong (he knows the health consequences) and isn't owning it.

Maybe if he got up, apologised, promised not to drink again and tried to get on with the holiday instead of wallowing and causing arguments between the people who.paid for his holiday then people would have more sympathy.

I agree he definitely could have handled it better.

I've caught up on OPs replies and it sounds like her brother manages stuff fine most of the time.

It does seem to me that her DH isn't helping much and part of his annoyance is he was left to respond to his own child in the night instead of OP doing it and has now started sulking and given her the silent treatment when there's plenty of holiday left to get things back on track. His behaviour isn't great either and Op is stuck.in the middle trying to do her best.

Her sister isn't there most of the time. From her updates it sounds like he manages ok.
in this instance she was there and was worried about him so kept an eye on things. What is wrong with that? If your relative was blind drunk or had an issue that meant they needed some help to keep them safe and you were there would you just leave them to it? Go off to bed and have a lovely sleep worry free - really??