To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

[Lisatron]

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

So he has self-control but he decided not to exercise it when he'd been taken away (kindly) on holiday? That isn't exactly better.

It doesn't sound like your DP is annoyed that you're worried about your brother, more that he's annoyed that your brother is behaving appallingly and his behaviour is disrespectful to your family.
Your brother is an adult making bad decisions, and its impacting on your holiday. So yeah he's not being unreasonable for that and YABU for excusing your brother's behaviour.

I so however think he is BU for being annoyed at you for not being there when the baby kept waking, as if its just YOUR job? That said, its discombobulating for little ones on holiday so you really shouldn't be in the position of having to babysit a grown adult rather than prioritising your own child's needs.

Sounds like it’s time for a firm conversation with your brother. He is ruining your holiday and I get you are defensive about that but you have to prioritise your family. It may have been your brothers idea to bring your brother for babysitting but it’s highly unlikely he imagined this scenario.

it sounds like your brother has been babied a lot and their may be more than diabetes at play.

Of course your brother has ruined the holiday !!

I agree with your husband. He’s a man child probably needs counselling and aa meetings and sorry to say but your make excuses for his behaviour. Lots of us have had stuff happen but we have to move on and grow up.

Your brother is being unreasonable, but your husband's comment feels off to me, the baby would have woken up regardless so his complaint about not getting a relaxing holidays sounds like he's annoyed that he had to see to the baby because you weren't there to do it.

Unfortunately your brother’s behaviour is not uncommon for young men with diabetes. You’re in a tough position trying to do right by your brother and I commend you for looking out for him. However your partner isn’t srong either. I’d apologise tonyour dp and sadly I wouldn’t take your brother on holidays again

You are putting your brother first. I understand you care for him and you sound like a caring yister,but you are allowing him to ruin your holixay. Not fair on your DH.
Someone with his problems shouldnt be with you on holiday.
The holiday is already ruined and will likely get worse.

I would never ever have put my brother's before my own family much as I adore them. Your the one in the wrong enabling an adult child instead of concentrating on your own children and dh...He is absolutely right your brother has spoiled the holiday, if he gets into trouble that's his problem your problem is your own family not a brother not being responsible!

He needs to start taking care of his diabetes better. Or act a bit more like an adult. Im team DH here

YABVU

I’m with your DH on this one. Your DB is being a selfish prick!

YABVU, sorry to say this but you are. Leave the brother at home next time!

You're in a tough position. Your brother is an adult and should manage his own behaviour, but of course he may slip up from time to time. Your husband is also an adult and exasperated that your brother isn't managing better. You're caught between the two. I think your responsibility lies more towards your own children and DH; the limit of your responsibility to your brother is ensuring he is safe, ie basically still breathing. Nothing is ruined forever; focus on what's coming, not what's past.

I agree with this. You’re pandering to your brother when you really shouldn’t be. You should be with your husband and children. Your brother made his decision and he has to live with the consequences. Ask him to go home.

Ye gods, do not leave your children with your brother! He can't look after himself like a grown adult, let alone two children.

Pack him off home to mummy on the next available flight and stop enabling his idiocy at the expense of your own children's holiday.

I don't think it's black and white. DP has a right to be annoyed, yes, but looking after the kids alone for one evening is hardly a terrible trial. DP should have been up for his own baby anyway, surely?

Both of you must have agreed that your brother could come, so blaming you for his (unfortunately predictable) behaviour seems harsh. I'd understand if it went on all week but I think DP could be a bit more understanding and not morph into a 2nd man-child just to ensure everything gets shitter!

Enabling your brother's behaviour by not challenging him when he's being irresponsible is not doing him any favours. He's 22. Time to grow up. He has Type 1 Diabetes. Which he isn't managing properly. And mental health problems potentially being exacerbated by (or caused by) his drinking. God knows what it's doing to his Diabetes. You knew all of this before you invited him on your family holiday (with 2 children under 4).

You've already spent a night supporting him through a bender.

I can't for the life of me work out why you're annoyed with your partner for suggesting your brother's ruined your holiday. You orchestrated this mess by inviting your unstable (mentally & physically) alcoholic brother to tag along on your family vacation.

You should be apologising to your partner. And finding a way to remedy the situation as quickly as possible.

'DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.'

I posted my comment before I read this. I now have little empathy for either of you. Who invites a man with unstable diabetes, mental health issues and a drinking problem on a free holiday to ... babysit?

Bonkers! 🙄

This. Too irresponsible to babysit if he can't make sensible choices about his own welfare

I wouldn't trust him to babysit my hamster , never mind my children

YAB extremely U.

Why did you bring your brother? He is irresponsible.

You need to stop fussing over him.

If he has a hypo it can be easily dealt with by drinking OJ and then eating properly (protein rich) and taking the right dose of insulin (I say this as a diabetic on insulin for 30 years). I carry a carton of juice with me everywhere. It's my safety net. He can do the same! In any case, your DB needs to get a grip otherwise he will die very young.

Your DH is right, in fact very patient.

You have responsibilities of your own, focus on them.

Blimey, this is the most sympathetic to a DH thread I’ve ever seen in here.

Even if you posted in Relationships, you’d probably only get about 30% LTB responses.

I was wholly sympathetic until I read one of her later comments.

'DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.'

Knowing what he already knew about the brother, he paid for his holiday ... so he could babysit? Absolutely crazy. I wouldn't trust him with a cat, never mind two very small children.

Sorry, but I'd be annoyed in your partner's shoes, too. Your brother knows he's playing risky games with the alcohol. It's unfair that he has diabetes, but that's the hand fate has dealt him, and now he's putting his life in jeopardy and inflicting unnecessary drama on you (and by extension, your partner). The last time you need something like this is when you're on an expensive holiday trying to have a nice time. I'd resent your brother's selfishness.

Well it will if her dp continues to make things worse than they already are. Being cross because he had to look after his own kids for 1night and hasn't had any babysitting off his BiL is manchild behaviour.