To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

[Lisatron]

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

Nope he is not. You shouldn't have invited your brother. He sounds a total liability who you will have to babysit the whole holiday. He needs to grow up and realise T1D means he can't just do what he wants any more. And i hope you got him insurance incase he decides to drink himself stupid and need medical intervention.

This ^!!!

Team husband.

Your Mum is babying and enabling her irresponsible adult son. You are now also doing the same.

God help his future wife, if he ever finds someone willing to put with him and his enabling Mum and Sister.

It’s quite strange taking your brother on a family holiday without other adults. If there was another family member or his partner it would be ok but you have created a weird dynamic with three adults. How old are you?

He needs to stop drinking. don’t leave you kids with him he can’t be trusted. And yes he would get short shrift from me - what a dickhead. Sound like a child.

Obviously your brothers behaviour is ruining the holiday and it's normal for your husband to be annoyed by this. Maybe it wasn't a great idea to invite your brother etc, but, whatever should or should not have happened, I can completely understand why you can't leave your brother when he is having a hypo.

Whether it's self inflicted or not, it's dangerous but it seems people think you should just leave him to it, and get on with your holiday and looking after your kids. Instead you chose to do something that potentially prevented a very dangerous situation for your brother.

Your brother is spoiling things and has behaved terribly but your dh is being an arse for taking it out on you. And presumably the baby would have still cried if you were there. Who would have got up if you were both there?

Team DH here. You are enabling him, he is an adult and needs to take responsibilty for his own health and behaviour.

Never mind telling your mother, why isn't he apologizing to you and your partner? You've said his only reaction is feeling sorry for himself. He should be making things right, but you're enabling his shit behavior by completely ignoring his poor behavior and then moaning about your partner when he points this out. You're also ignoring the hundreds of votes and comments that are pointing out that you're in the wrong. Try listening to what people are saying here, give your brother a bollocking, tell him he needs to apologize and make sure he knows repetition won't be tolerated.

You’re kind of stuck because hypo’s are so dangerous you can’t just leave him to it so DH will see it as you siding with your brother

ride it out best you can don’t defend your brother

he won’t change ingrained behaviour in the short space of the rest of your holiday
ideally he’d go home but not sure if that’s an option apologies to your DH
as they say no good deed goes unpunished

You can if you want to, but your partner doesen't have to put up with your brother's bullshit. You made a big mistake taking him with you on holiday and inflicting him on your family, maybe reflect on why is your brother behaving like that. I think he is being mollycoddled by your family and he grew up to be a iresponsable selfish git. You need to cut the strings and let him get on with his life by himself otherwise he will never learn that actions have consequences.

Sorry, another one here, your husband is right. The very least your brother could've done is behave on this holiday, he was your guest.
Feels like the family have enabled him to act up too long. He's not a kid anymore, time he started acting better.

YABU not your DH!

Controversial perhaps but I think you might all be being unreasonable. I agree with everyone's posts I have read about your brother BU as he isnt managing his condition and is putting your holiday at risk, you for enabling him, and I completely agree that your partner is annoyed but, is he also annoyed that you are not there to deal with the baby waking so HE can have a relaxing holiday?

Brother has ruined holiday. However, moaning about baby I am wondering if normally falls on you to take care of them.

OP, I am a T1 diabetic myself and have been since childhood.

Your DH has a point and I agree with him.

Your brother chose to go off to the bar and it you were tasked with looking after him instead of your baby and that would not have happened if he had not been selfish and not drink himself into a stupour.

T1 diabetics have even more resonsibility, no matter how young they are to manage their condition, so that it does not interfere with other peoples' plans. In this case, he has disrupted you holiday.

Both you and your DM need to stop treating him like a child. He is an adult, he knows what happens when he makes poor choices regarding his condition. Begging you not to tell your DM is, quite frankly, childish.
I would be furious if I were your DP.

I'm with your DP on this. You knew your brother had form for this kind of behaviour so why take him on holiday with you?

And you still haven't said what you disagree with or why you're upset at your DH. Do you think your DH is wrong rnsh he ruined the holding it are you upset at your DH for calling it out?

Yes it's nice that's you're close and all that but he still needs to look after himself and make better decisions and as others have rightfully said you are enabling him.

I think DH has the patience of a saint to even agree to DB coming on the holiday in the first place, given his history.

I think you’re a bit mad to take someone who is so unstable on a ‘relaxing’ holiday. I get the impression you and your mum make excuses for him.. he sounds v immature. If you knew you were diabetic- which is serious - why on earth would you do these things?! It’s quite odd behaviour and not rational.

At 22 he needs to know better..

Your brother is a dick and your DH is very tolerant. I’d have binned you off long ago with your enabling behaviour towards your brother.

He’s not been an ideal holiday companion though, has he? Your DP is right…

As another poster has said, what on earth were you thinking of, taking him on holiday with you and your young children?

DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.

He doesn't have form for doing things like this, yes every now and then he drinks too much but usually he manages it well and the times he does go too far he's with friends and not on his own in a bar like last night. But as I said he manages it well apart from that and he's able to hold down a manager type role at a place he's worked for years and has worked his way up

You sound like you are in denial about your brothers issues🤷‍♂️