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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

277 replies

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 20:42

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 01/06/2026 21:16

The whole holiday hasn’t been ruined, and it’s only one day, but I can understand why your dp is upset, and why you felt you needed to be with your brother.

Does he feel like a gooseberry to you and dp on your holiday, which why he took himself off , although he should have realised this before.

However, what’s his attitude now? Is he repentant for causing all the trouble?

Loulou4022 · 01/06/2026 21:17

Your brother needs to grow up! I don’t blame your partner being pissed off!

Vartden · 01/06/2026 21:17

It sounds as though your brother needs some councelling to help him come to terms with the fact he has a chronic illness that needs to be managed for the rest of his life. Its not unusual for young diabetics to rebel against the fact that everyday for the rest of their life they will have to think about what they eat ,when they eat and when to inject and how much. I expect your brother just wants to live life like a healthy 22 year old but sadly he cant.
He shouldn't have done what he did and I suggest he gets help before you go on holiday together again.
If you have never had to watch a young person come to terms with this it's easy to be very judgemental.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/06/2026 21:18

Team DP. Be reasonable.

RockItLikeRocketFuel · 01/06/2026 21:18

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/06/2026 21:12

Your DP is allowed to have his feelings about the situation with your DB, but surely he can cope alone with his own kids for one night? He's not helping by storming out.

Can he not discuss it with you without throwing his toys out of the pram?

I appreciate your brother is being a giant pain in the arse but you are also allowed to be worried about him and want to make sure he stays alive without your DP making it worse.

I'll give you short odds on this being the tip of much larger iceberg and if not the DP's final straw, one of his last few.

Dizzydrizzy · 01/06/2026 21:19

He Is ruining it.

OhBettyCalmDown · 01/06/2026 21:19

Your DH is right he is ruining the holiday. As are you to be honest. Your brother is a grown adult who is responsible for his own health I understand being a caring sister and making sure he wasn’t ill overnight but most people would be annoyed at the brother in this scenario not their DH.

Decacaffeinatednow · 01/06/2026 21:20

I feel so sorry for your dp.

InexcusableGiraffe · 01/06/2026 21:20

Your bro is out of line, though the consequences of his actions are made worse through his T1. Others without diabetes wouldn't have the same impact, frustrating for all parties, and DP is not being unreasonable in his response.

trendysetter · 01/06/2026 21:20

You obviously care a lot for your brother OP and he's obviously really struggling, but having him go away with you on holiday probably wasn't a great idea.

Dimpledaisies · 01/06/2026 21:25

Is this a wind up? Of course your husband is right... it's his hard earned holiday and it's been shit because of your brother.... I appreciate being defensive of a sibling but you're brother is selfish and you're in the wrong

rebus · 01/06/2026 21:25

You are completely unreasonable, and I'm struggling to understand how you can't see it.

Your dp is completely in the right. You are wrong, wrong, wrong.

Send bro home and try to salvage the rest of your family holiday if that might be possible.

Anyahyacinth · 01/06/2026 21:28

I disagree with most other posters 22 can still be an immature age. Sounds like your DB is struggling as many people do with diabetes and the demands and burdens it puts upon you. I’m not sure how your DH can complain you left him to manage and then storm off in a huff…what a hypocrite

Original poster
Lisatron · 01/06/2026 21:28

We invited my brother on holiday because we are close, and yes he does come over regularly but usually of an evening when DP is at work (as he works shifts) and the dc are in bed. When my mum went away she did ask me to keep an eye on brother for her which I did as she does worry about him. Although he does usually control his diabetes pretty well most of the time.

DP also thought he could have the dc for a few hours on this holiday whilst we have time to ourselves and the dc do adore him and vice versa.

He is embarrassed today and feeling sorry for himself more than anything and has begged me not to tell DM

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 01/06/2026 21:28

Team DP. Your brother is 22 not 12.

Londonrach1 · 01/06/2026 21:28

He did ruin the holiday! Your dp is right. Yabu. Your brother is a grown adult stop treating him like a toddler..it's his decision to drink and eat things when he knows he has diabetes...

JLou08 · 01/06/2026 21:34

YABU. Your brother is an adult, he didn't need a babysitter in his room all night. I'd be annoyed if I was your DH.

Notasbigasithink · 01/06/2026 21:34

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 20:42

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

Fucking ridiculous behaviour from an adult and he is ruining your holiday.
I. Team husband here and I'd be really fucked off with you too! You've really shown where your priorities lie which clearly isn't your children or marriage.
Can't you see that your brother is an attention seeking manchild and you and your mother have enabled this behaviour all his life,?
Wake up and start focusing in your family before your husband (and quite rightly so) tells you he wants a divorce!

Tableforjoan · 01/06/2026 21:36

Your brother cannot be responsible for your children at all.

you need to stop babying him.
No wonder dh is fed up.

mindutopia · 01/06/2026 21:39

Yeah, I’d be pretty pissed if BIL rocked up on our family holiday, got pissed and had a hypo and Dh had to go babysit him. Let’s be honest, he’s not having hypos because he’s T1. Lots of people are T1 and mange holidays just fine. I have a similar condition (not diabetes, but I need medication 4x a day or I can basically drop into a coma). I can holiday just fine, because I’m not acting like a drunken twat.

He’s being irresponsible and bringing your 22 year old brother who’s going to treat it all like a piss up on your holiday with your young children was always a stupid idea. Yes, I’d say he’s on the way to ruining the holiday and I’d be packing him off home if he doesn’t sort himself out. Lots of people with chronic health conditions manage to have lovely holidays without being twats, especially around other people’s children.

LadyWiddiothethird · 01/06/2026 21:39

Put him on a flight home,he sounds a nightmare.What a weird thing to do,taking him on holiday with you!

WaltzingWaters · 01/06/2026 21:41

Yep, I’d be pretty pissed off if I were your DP.

Sassylovesbooks · 01/06/2026 21:44

T1 diabetes, when it's diagnosed young, can be challenging when that child enters their teens. They can be resentful that they can't eat/drink in the same way as their friends. My cousin's son is T1 diabetes, and was diagnosed as a child, and I remember my cousin saying that his son, was difficult with making the right choices.

However, at 22 your brother is not a young teenager, he's an adult. He knows what he can and can't eat/drink, and how important it is to manage his diabetes. Your brother chose to go to the bar and drink, all the whilst knowing, he can't due to his diabetes. He's being immature and irresponsible.

Your partner is correct, and has every right to be extremely annoyed with your brother. The first night on holiday, your brother has got pissed, caused you to have to stay in his room to monitor him and is hung over.

Your brother needs a rocket up his arse and told in no uncertain terms that he's bang out of order. He owes you all a very big apology. You also need to stop enabling your brother's behaviour, by making excuses for him.

Missey85 · 01/06/2026 21:47

Your partner is right he did ruin the holiday his a grown man not a baby

Notsosweetcaroline · 01/06/2026 21:48

Bit shitty of you op. Your brother has behaved terribly, he went out drinking on his own, caused himself to be ill knowing what would happen, he did it deliberately, your husband is now solo caring for the kids,whilst you do for your brother and it’s your husband you’re annoyed at.

how on earth is that ok, your husband is right and pandering to your brother doesn’t help him,