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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

277 replies

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 20:42

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

OP posts:
mumsntt · Yesterday 00:03

DP is correct

Grow up OP

WhereYouLeftIt · Yesterday 00:05

Your brother needs to grow the fuck up, accept he is Type I diabetic and manage his health accordingly; not screw around forcing others (you) to keeps him safe. He's making himself the centre of your attention, and it's not on.

Original poster
Lisatron · Yesterday 00:13

lornad00m · 01/06/2026 23:15

Enabling your brother's behaviour by not challenging him when he's being irresponsible is not doing him any favours. He's 22. Time to grow up. He has Type 1 Diabetes. Which he isn't managing properly. And mental health problems potentially being exacerbated by (or caused by) his drinking. God knows what it's doing to his Diabetes. You knew all of this before you invited him on your family holiday (with 2 children under 4).

You've already spent a night supporting him through a bender.

I can't for the life of me work out why you're annoyed with your partner for suggesting your brother's ruined your holiday. You orchestrated this mess by inviting your unstable (mentally & physically) alcoholic brother to tag along on your family vacation.

You should be apologising to your partner. And finding a way to remedy the situation as quickly as possible.

'DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.'

I posted my comment before I read this. I now have little empathy for either of you. Who invites a man with unstable diabetes, mental health issues and a drinking problem on a free holiday to ... babysit?

Bonkers! 🙄

Edited

Brother isn't an alcoholic. He very rarely drinks but sometimes he does want to when out with friends, I have no idea why he drank on his own yesterday.

I don't see the holiday as ruined, tomorrow is only our 3rd full day but dp going off and sulking is ruining the holiday.

OP posts:
Confuserr · Yesterday 00:15

Lisatron · Yesterday 00:13

Brother isn't an alcoholic. He very rarely drinks but sometimes he does want to when out with friends, I have no idea why he drank on his own yesterday.

I don't see the holiday as ruined, tomorrow is only our 3rd full day but dp going off and sulking is ruining the holiday.

Show quote history

He very rarely drinks? You said in your first post that "He's also got a habit of drinking too much ..."

Metromayhem · Yesterday 00:16

Your brother has behaved like a dick. He’s young and he will learn. I don’t blame your DP for being annoyed tho, he’s spot on in what he’s said. He shouldn’t have to worry about your brother. Terrible idea to bring him on holiday and it isn’t fair on your husband or your kids. YABVU and owe your husband an apology.

mumsntt · Yesterday 00:18

Confuserr · Yesterday 00:15

He very rarely drinks? You said in your first post that "He's also got a habit of drinking too much ..."

Show quote history

OP believes her own lies

BruFord · Yesterday 00:18

Your brother sounds immature and now your DP is being immature by storming off and sulking. What a pair.

They both need to grow up and start enjoying their holiday (without doing daft things like drinking excessively with T1 diabetes).

Stressmummy12 · Yesterday 00:19

He has ruined the holiday and will
continue to do so. I’d never let my brother come on a family holiday if he was going to behave that way

lornad00m · Yesterday 00:24

Lisatron · Yesterday 00:13

Brother isn't an alcoholic. He very rarely drinks but sometimes he does want to when out with friends, I have no idea why he drank on his own yesterday.

I don't see the holiday as ruined, tomorrow is only our 3rd full day but dp going off and sulking is ruining the holiday.

Show quote history

Either he 'rarely drinks' or 'he's also got a habit of drinking too much'.

Make it make sense. 🙄

He has Type 1 Diabetes. And goes on benders. That send him into hypos. 2nd day of your holiday he gets so wasted (on his own) that you have to look after him overnight.

When I suggested you were enabling him, I wasn't kidding. Wake up.

FlockofSquirrels · Yesterday 00:25

OP, has your brother given both your DH and yourself a sincere, no-excuses apology? Or is he just hiding and feeling sorry for himself?

Your DH shouldn't be sulking, and I think the two of you need to talk. But think through your reaction to his initial anger. Did you treat it as valid or did you immediately jump to dismissing it and treating your DH as in the wrong for being angry at your brother? If it was the latter then consider beginning a conversation with your DH with an apology for that and then asking that you, he, and the DC move on and enjoy the holiday instead of letting your brother's choices ruin anything else.

Sam9769 · Yesterday 00:25

You should have left your brother at home!

99bottlesofkombucha · Yesterday 00:25

Lisatron · Yesterday 00:13

Brother isn't an alcoholic. He very rarely drinks but sometimes he does want to when out with friends, I have no idea why he drank on his own yesterday.

I don't see the holiday as ruined, tomorrow is only our 3rd full day but dp going off and sulking is ruining the holiday.

Show quote history

Get a grip op. Your dp sulking for a day is not a bigger impact than your brother being there for the whole holidays because yes it’s only been 2 days and he’s actively been ruining the holiday. Your dp is being honest with you, and you are not listening. As for your who gets to relax on a holiday with kids anyway what an incredible dismissive attitude. Every parent knows holidays with kids are more relaxing with two parents pulling their weight and you aren’t. You owe your dp an apology, and your brother needs a sharp talking to , starting with you’re 22 and being very stupid, I’ll keep no secrets from mum for you. I’ve told her already and how angry I am. I have my own kids, and you need to pull yourself together and grow up. This holiday is now teetotal for you or we will send you back home.

We have T1 in the family, and no way would I not tell the mum if one of the 22yos did this.

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 00:27

He doesn’t sound responsible enough to be babysitting your DC

If he is 22 how has he been working for years to get to manager level

OneRedFinch · Yesterday 00:39

YABU. Your brother and you by pandering to him are absolutely ruining the holiday.

Moveoverdarlin · Yesterday 00:39

I agree one hundred percent with your DP. Sounds like he’s got the two kids and you’ve been lumbered with your irresponsible, vulnerable brother.

Doesn’t sound remotely relaxing for anyone.

ServietteUnion · Yesterday 00:41

So your DP was hoping that your brother would babysit, and is also cross because you weren't in the room when the baby woke in the night. It seems to me that his main beef is that he's had to look after his own children unexpectedly when he was hoping not to have to bother. Surprised at the replies tbh.

WinterBlues26 · Yesterday 00:48

Your brother drinks enough where it seriously impacts his physical and mental health so I would call that being an alcoholic OP. He can't say no to alcohol.

Your attitude is going to send your brother to an early death, is that what you really want? Of course not so why are you trying to minimise the problem?

#TeamDH from a supposed MN manhater.

Franjipanl8r · Yesterday 00:49

Your brother is someone who needs compassion and support AND is an entitled spoilt brat. You and DH are both correct.

Only your DH knows if he feels his holiday’s been ruined, you can’t deny him that feeling.

suki1964 · Yesterday 00:55

Your brother is 22 - an adult

Your DP has gone on holiday with 2 DC and DP who are his priority

Its also his holiday

So yes its quite fair for him to say your brother has ruined the holiday , Im pretty sure he didnt expect you to be babysitting a grown man when he was looking chill and family time

Your holiday might not be ruined, as you are used to bailing out your brother, but you DP is not wrong for saying as far as he is concerned, his holiday has been ruined

NoraFatty · Yesterday 01:10

All the shit with your brother aside, I think your DH is out of order being annoyed with you because he was woken in the night by the baby. Sounds like he is thinking that you should be the one to get up in the night with the baby every night so he can have his ‘relaxing’ holiday

Mightymighty · Yesterday 02:35

Dimpledaisies · 01/06/2026 21:25

Is this a wind up? Of course your husband is right... it's his hard earned holiday and it's been shit because of your brother.... I appreciate being defensive of a sibling but you're brother is selfish and you're in the wrong

Or a reverse? Is it the husband’s brother?

TealSapphire · Yesterday 03:08

It's a bit dramatic to declare the entire holiday ruined over one disrupted night. Is your DP pissed that he had to take care of the baby overnight? Does he get up in the night with baby when you're home?

Comeinsideforacupoftea · Yesterday 03:21

Yep sorry OP but if this was reversed and it was my DH's brother I'd be point blank refusing to go away with brother ever again. You get maybe 10-15 years of memorable holidays whilst your kids are young. Your priority is to make them memorable for the right reasons. None of you should have to feel stressed or distracted or unsafe because of an adult who needs to grow the fuck up. I appreciate that you love your brother but you have your own family and dependents now so you really need to sort your priorities out.

lemmein · Yesterday 03:33

Your DH is a saint frankly - no way would I put up with this bullshit!

mamajong · Yesterday 03:41

But your brother has ruined the holiday? DH is just speaking his truth and yabu taking your brothers side. I appreciate he clearly has some mh issues and probably needs some help but also he is an adult and has spoilt the trip with his behaviour