To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

I’d message him back and say that it’s extremely strange to not have any food in stock so much so that she’s fiercely protective of her pizza because it’s likely she’s afraid she will otherwise have no access to food. Then I’d tell him I didn’t appreciate being lied to that he’d cook and then railroaded into a takeaway I didn’t want and then had to pay for and was then not afforded any breakfast. Then I’d say I don’t want to see him again thank you due to all of these factors and suggest that he asks his daughter if she’d prefer him to stock more food in the house.

No, that sounds really concerning, if a twelve year old is living in a house in which the only available goods are an Asda pizza, crisps and teabags. She clearly isn’t being well taken care of.

I mean, I assume you’ve ditched him since this, but I’d send him a frank WhatsApp first and describe what kind of diet a 12 year old should be eating, and tell him straight he’s neglecting her.

I agree with both PPs

That’s….weird. Does she live there? Where were his crisps then? When she’s eaten the pizza what would she have for the next meal?

Invite you for dinner and you end up paying for half a takeaway?

And he didn’t like you asking what a child (?) has for breakfast in a house with zero food?

I need you to see him again so I get my fix of weirdness please 🤣.

Otherwise, bin him.

Very concerned about the daughter’s food intake though. Tell him something about that if you can?

Sounds weird and hard work all round tbh.

This would be a massive turn off, he’s not exactly showing himself as a functioning adult or good parent. I can see why his daughter was protective of her pizza

Another factor is that both he and the daughter are overweight so I’m assuming they live on takeaways

Totally weird. I wouldn't want to see him again.

I mean I guess it's not your place to comment on his parenting but also was an innocent enough question.

To me someone being a shoddy parent (crisps for breakfast is rubbish parenting) is just such a turnoff.

And you are dating this man, why?

Oh living on takeaways didn’t occur to me actually.

I wouldn’t bother continuing this relationship any further.

If I were just starting to date someone like this, I'd stop. This person doesn't know how to live - as in, survive. Assuming there's no financial constraints, he's so low on the executive function scale that he can't even buy food.

As for his daughter: your question was a natural human question. How do you feed your child if you have no food in the house? It's possible that there is food in the house when she's there, but if he says he gives her a bag of crisps for breakfast...not only is that very sad and depressing, he's a fucking useless parent who hasn't even learned the basics of child nutrition. He was right to guard her pizza for her and not give it to you, your suggestion of replacing it in the morning wouldn't have flown with me. But the rest of it is completely normal.

I hope you ditch this man. He's useless to the point of not being able to feed his child.

Sounds like neglect to me. He should have the essentials in for his child.

Amazing all these no hoper men can get a girlfriends. He sounds like a total idiot.

That's even worse then. Why would he not care? Feeding one's child is literally the most important part of looking after them other than protecting them from physical harm.

And presumably having sex with him. Revolting. 🤢

'If you have virtually no food in the house, then I don't think your 12 year old is being taken care of'. Why not say it straight?

Do you know what school his daughter goes to? I would be inclined to email them and put them in the picture about this as a safeguarding issue. She is not being properly looked after and that is not just his business, before anyone goes that route.

He is a shit dad and is not functioning as a proper capable adult in any way.

I would never see him again - and leave with him a parting comment of concern about his daughter. If you know where she goes to school I would also make a safeguardign referral. (and it is not relevant if it meets any sort of 'standard' the school can decide that as it may tally with other information - being given crisps or nothing for breakfast is clearly severely neglectful)

Guessing he's in the bin now then

I’d have to reply and say i wasn’t implying, I was stating a fact. It is neglectful that he doesn’t have nutritional and adequate food available for his daughter. To not have any fruit, cereal or bread to just woeful. Is he hard up financially? His poor daughter.

Well, you’d certainly hope so!

It sounds like his daughter was away for the night/weekend/few days?
So there was no particular reason to have food in for her? Maybe they normally go shopping on a Sunday/Monday?

Mine never ate breakfast at that age so I don't think not having breakfast things is that odd.

I think he's asking to see whether he should prepare for a visit from social services.

But yes, I would tell him you are concerned about his daughter, assuming you are.

No fruit, no veg, no snacks, no healthy breakfast.

I would wonder what his money is going on if it's not going on food and he is worried about replacing a pizza.

He wanted a shag. He wasn't prepared to put any effort into your evening to get it either..
Block today.

I would send a thumbs up to his message and reply, yes it's neglect, there's no excuse for not having food available and living off takeaways. Bye and blocked, with love if you want to be nice!