To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

Id have been out of there after the promise of cooking for you turned into a takeaway.
No effort whatsoever. And his actions didnt meet his words. So early on in a dating scenario and here is his A game 🤦‍♀️

No idea why women put up with this shite.

After that, the crisps for breakfast, no coffee for you, his lying about the pizza, his daughter not having nutritional food provided, how on earth did you stay there my attraction and sex drive would have absolutely vanished off the cliff of the coast I WOULDN'T have visited with this dude

I wouldn’t even have got to the staying over bit. He made zero effort and ignored you didn’t eat takeaway. He must be an amazing bloke given you still decided to stay over after all that!

This.
No time for immature men who don't even bother to put basics in the kitchen, it is absolutely ridiculous & even worse that his kid has to deal with this, no wonder she gatekeeps her food! Who the hell eats crisps for breakfast. He's a child who can't even manage to stock tea & coffee.
Throw this one back in and hopefully you pulling him on this will make him see he needs to sort his life out!

Why are you with him?
He sounds mucky and lazy (and a bad parent).

Dear god, another one.

Shes away for a few days so the kitchen cupboards go from a healthy, normal level of stock to a single pizza and teabags??

You do realise that lots of families buy a week's worth of shopping and there is nothing left by the end of the week? That not everyone has overflowing store cupboards of things?

Yep this. He’s not very nice, and you’re completely incompatible if you’re the kind of person that doesn’t want a takeaway due to health reasons and his idea of breakfast is McDonalds or crisps!

So, if you wanted a cup of tea in the morning, you'd get up, get dressed, go to the shop to buy tea bags and milk, and make yourself a cup of tea? What happened to the rest of the box of teabags or the rest of the milk?

If you wanted a sandwich for lunch, what would happen with the rest of the loaf of bread and the cheese and the cucumber (you get the gist)?

Or did you survive on premade food at all times - tea from Costa, a meal deal from Tesco, ready meal for dinner etc?

If I was a man in a new relationship I’d be doing my best to impress with my domestic abilities. Otherwise… what is actually attractive about him OP? Sounds like he can’t be bothered with the long game and is just after a shag? His poor daughter.

No I bought what I wanted when I wanted it. Sometimes I had food in overnight but never longer. I didnt drink tea or coffee and I used to go to the shop on the way home as i didnt know what I would want to eat that night until then

It sounds to me like he’s hard up and/or completely dysfunctional and wanted a meal ticket.

If he happily ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at your place, had you paying half for a takeaway after he invited you round, and banged on about McDonald’s breakfast when you suggested buying yourself something, then it’s not a case of him not wanting to eat much, but more that he will eat it if someone else is paying or making the effort to provide him with food.

He probably can’t cook either. I’d wonder if he had some sort of disability.

Either way, dump him.

Was there anything like fresh fruit in a bowl, yoghurts , anything?

@AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay
YANBU.

Block and go.

To a message saying she’s not well cared for, as a person with a normal amount of self respect, I would have responded, and done it..

’your daughter isn’t well cared for and as such I have reported you to social services. It is neglect to not have any healthy food available to her. In case it’s not clear, I never want to see you again, we arent compatible.’

No coming back from this ick I assume.

Then don’t invite someone over for dinner, and a sleepover (which requires breakfast and coffee) if you cannot afford food or coffee.

No, but you’d be wrong to stay in a relationship when the two of you are so unsuited.

No one’s suggesting ‘overflowing store cupboards’, just an emergency loaf in the freezer and a couple of cans of beans!

This is a man who makes no effort and lives on takeaways. I'd give him a wide berth in future, he's looking for a cook, house keeper and babysitter.

His poor daughter.

You do not need this man. Ditch him.

Glad you are telling him straight. Someone has to advocate for the poor daughter.

It is not because he is hard up. You’d have more nutrition from real food, and it would be cheaper than a take away/mcdonalds. Now and then is ok, but not every single meal. All the additives, extra sugars/fats without the nutrients.

Can’t be arsed/ doesn’t care enough to make the effort even for his own growing daughter. That is the bit that would be the issue. Imagine throwing your growing child a packet of crisps for breakfast. Day in, day out.

This guy gets takeaways…you can get a months worth of shopping for the same cost as a few takeaways

I think MN has warped my man brain!. I don't think I'd ever have thought before, I wonder what his bed sheets are like, but here I am thinking crumbs and stains, Bork!

Walk away now, it won't get any better until you fix it (don't)