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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

456 replies

AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay · 01/06/2026 13:28

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

OP posts:
EvieBB · 06/06/2026 23:58

RhubarbAndFlustered · 06/06/2026 10:47

I was that 12 year old. My mum is all about her ponies and her (now) husband. Any money was spent on them, none for DSIS and I. Meals were only really made when BF was visiting (he worked abroad or around the UK most of the time so would be back for just days at a time) and it was his preferences only despite my sister and I absolutely despising it, (if I NEVER look at soggy braised beef with a tin of marrowfat peas and tinned fucking boiled potatoes again it’ll be too soon, same goes for liver and onions).
Mum ate at work and I distinctly recall that once for over a week, the only things in the cupboard was a lone tin of tomatoes, half a pack of OXO cubes, a tin of tuna that had been there for when the dog got sick years earlier and a jar of flour. The freezer had a few unidentifiable things that had been there for maybe years wrapped in cling film and a tray of 30 were eggs on the countertop from a local farmer. Mum was completely blind to the fact that others were hungry when she wasn’t. And it was so normal for us we didn’t kick off about it. We just made ourselves boiled eggs for days and skipped breakfast. School lunches were free.

OP, the only thing you did wrong was not shaming the man hard enough.

God I'm so sorry. Sending you so much love and hugs to you and your 12 year old self 🫂

Brokentoes85 · 07/06/2026 02:35

Both as bad as each other.

V pushy regarding the daughters pizza and not wanting a take away because you're healthy, but wanted the pizza in the fridge lol

He's a useless parent and tight.

Incompatible

Markovenchip · 11/06/2026 10:42

Just dump him, he should have let you have the coffee, and he the tea, if he was any sort of a gentleman, let alone you paying for the takeaway, he's obviously had one broken relationship, no food in home means he's lazy too, it'll all fall on your shoulders in time.

Rpop · 15/06/2026 07:50

AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay · 01/06/2026 13:28

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

I’d be really concerned that anyone eats crisps for breakfast.

Mapleleafinengland · 15/06/2026 14:03

You are not being unreasonable. He sounds like an extremely immature’man child’. Unless you want to be his mum, I would move on

MeridaBrave · 15/06/2026 14:05

Honestly I would call social services / her school and block him, this is neglects

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