To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

Leave him (waste of space!!) And put in a safeguarding referral either with the school or local council. Clear neglect.

Are you going to keep dating him? You know exactly what you'd be signing up for if you do, it sounds depressing.

Bet they did!

He couldn't be bothered to get food in when he said he would cook for you. He can't be bothered to get food in for his child. He doesn't care about anyone other than himself does he? The fact that he got cross about it means he knows it's wrong - most people would be mortified. Comes across as hugely selfish.

I'm going to ask the same question as pps. Are you going to continue seeing him? He's a mess , and if your relationship progresses you're going to end up mothering him. Unless you are looking to adopt an adult man.

And you stayed over?? Does this mean you slept with this mean spirited manling??? You must be mad!!!!

I'm wondering what's the story with her mother. Is it a recent split. Does she have access?. I'm guessing this isn't just a man thing. I'll bet they were a couple who ate only takeaways and he is just continuing alone, otherwise his ex would have addressed this and organised food or the child wouldn't be so overweight. Sadly this is common enough and I agree it's a form of neglect. Providing breakfast is a very basic parenting task. Allowing a child become overweight and living off takeaways is also neglect. It's also a really bad way of wasting money that I'm sure the child could use differently. He is a bad parent simple as that.

As for the house with no food, my sister and her partner livs like this. She offered me coffee once and when I said yes please she ordered delivery on an app. Every lunch and dinner is delivered except for 3 or so days a week where she eats out. She doesn't grocery shop or prepare food. She waits til she is hungry then gets the app out and has whatever she fancies. Yes she is obese.

I think so too. The bar is so low 🤢

I thought this too, not the point of the thread but..

Chuck this one back! You were fine to ask and it was kinda rude to insist on eating his child’s pizza.

But he’s pretty pathetic that he couldn’t get food in to cook you a meal. He obviously had money because he was happy to blow £50 on a takeaway. So why not proper ingredients and a simple meal? Could have been pasta, veg and salad and some pastries and coffee for breakfast. It’s the lack of consideration for your needs.

Also how embarrassing that he is such a man child that he eats and is feeding his 12 year old crisps for breakfast. He sounds like a shit dad.

I would have binned off the trip to the coast and taken myself right home for a nice coffee and pain au chocolat!

YANBU and this might be the only opportunity for this man to have a mirror held up for him to realise what a crap provider he is for his daughter.

If you’re dumping him (which I would recommend) then seriously I would give him your full opinion about the diet he appears to eat and feed his daughter and the adverse effects on their health. That poor girl is being set up for a potential lifetime of obesity, accompanying health and mental health issues and miss the opportunity of learning about proper nutrition and meal preparation.

She needs you to be blunt and tell him the home truths he needs to hear.

Did you ask him why he invited you over and said he would cook but had no food in the house?

This is such an alien way to live imo, why do you think she does this? Is she working lots and just very busy?

Thank goodness OP did stay over- she might have not realised what a horror he was for some time!

Are you the same poster who took umbrage at being served shop-bought gyoza on a date?

FWIW, I don't think you're wrong binning off this one for not feeding his child properly.

Him and her live off takeaways. I'd not go any where near anyone who had no food in for their child. Sounds a hapless and neglectful. That poor girl.

This is not the man for you, he's overweight, obviously eats a lot of takeaways (which you dont), and his house is not well cared for. He can't even be bothered to get some food in when he's invited you over for dinner for the first time! Hello M&S if he cant cook particularly well!
You are not suited and you'll just end up getting frustrated with him and/or looking after him
(plus its not really your business what he feeds his daughter tbf.)

Blimey I would run before you get dragged into his shit life.

I'd report to school/social services

He’s upset because he got caught out that’s he’s shit at feeding his child.

Honestly if I were you I’d save myself the bother. Thanks to a mother like that, DP is a difficult eater and it’s been very difficult to deal with at times if you’re not into living off takeaways, crisps etc. He’s getting better (slowly) but that’s how ingrained that type of meal habit becomes.

. Every lunch and dinner is delivered except for 3 or so days a week where she eats out. She doesn't grocery shop or prepare food. She waits til she is hungry then gets the app out and has whatever she fancies. Yes she is obese.

And if she isn’t broke now, she will be once she’s old.

I cannot comprehend how people can exist on takeaways. Surely everyone knows that they use the cheapest and most unhealthy ingredients? Moreover, it’ll likely be either curry or Chinese or Italian or fried chicken or burgers… How monotonous!

In the time it takes to wait for a delivery I can rustle up a delicious, healthy meal, using only basic cooking skills. At a fraction of the price.

I don’t get it. But maybe I’m just getting old…

LTB

It's a total lack of respect to invite someone over for dinner and then not make dinner. If he'd changed his mind to a takeaway he should have asked you first.
It's not expensive nor arduous to make a simple but good meal, but it doesn't seem like money is an issue if he's buying takeaways!

I never eat takeaways. Assuming you had transport and hadn't had a glass of wine or such I'd have said I was going to the supermarket and bought myself some food.

Odd to have no food in the house at all when he has a child living with him too! Does he work? He clearly has money, I couldn't afford to live off takeaways all the time. I have an image of this man in my head and it isn't a very pretty one. What's his personal hygiene like?

And I agree, he is not very caring toward his daughter if she's living off crap food too. Fine if it is just your body you're filling with crap I guess but not when you're responsible for a growing child's health and wellbeing!

I’d stick around a few days and find out if he feeds her or maybe he’s struggling financially. Or just can’t be bothered. Either way it would be good to know in case she’s being neglected, you could have a word with her school to keep an eye on her before you finish with him and she loses your care

Exactly what @LarksAscendinghas said, to a tee. The whole thread could have stopped here. It’s the perfect answer to your initial post.