To have asked what his daughter normally eats in a foodless house??

[AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay]

Bloke I’ve been seeing invited me over for dinner Saturday night. Idea was he’d cook dinner, I stay the night and then drive to the coast Sunday morning.

So I got there and he said he’d decided we should get a takeaway instead of him cooking. I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything … beans on toast would do. He said he didn’t have anything in. No bread, nothing. I’d noticed there was a pizza in the fridge so I suggested we cook that, he said no as it’s his daughters (she lives with him, 12) and she’d given strict instructions not to touch it. I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Anyway I agreed to the takeaway but made it clear that I wouldn’t be making a habit of it as I’m health conscious. I ended up paying for half of it which normally I would expect but he’d invited me over for dinner!!?

Anyway next morning we got up, he made a coffee and then said we’d only be able to have the one as he was running low on coffee but he said he had plenty of tea bags in. I don’t drink tea.

Anyway time is ticking on and he asked if I was ready to head out to the coast … I said “are we not having any breakfast?” He replied “I don’t really have anything in”. So I said “no cereal?” He said no. I said “what do you normally do for breakfast?” So he said “I don’t normally bother or I have a packet of crisps”.

Now the next thing I said is my AIBU …

I said “what does your daughter eat for breakfast?”. He looked pissed off and started stuttering etc before saying she just has crisps or whatever. I didn’t say anything else but I told him I’d be stopping off at shop on the way to buy MYSELF something to eat. He then starts banging on about McDonald’s breakfast etc etc which I refused.

Hes messaged me this morning saying he’s a bit upset that I implied his daughter isn’t well taken care of. I simply asked what she normally had for breakfast since there was fuck all in the cupboards!!

Was I wrong to ask??

Sounds like an absolute fucking loser.
Does his daughter live with him ft?

I can't believe he didn't give you the coffee either, please tell me you have enough self esteem to never see him again.

I met a guy once who was sounded similar literally next to nothing in the fridge. Part of me wanted to shop for him. It was clear he was struggling financially and I did not need the worry of mothering someone. I walked away, op I don’t think you are destined to be with someone so different to yourself. You were right to question it of course his daughter needs to eat properly.

Why are you with him? You sound fundamentally incompatible and he sounds awful

End the 'relationship'.
Report to social services.

I said “well surely we could just replace it tomorrow before she comes home?” He said no as she’d made it herself … it was an asda pizza!! Ok she may have chosen the toppings but surely we could have just had the same one made again??

Why would you not just both go to a shop to get something?? Why was stealing his daughters pizza or ordering a takeaway the only two options?

You were both being weird tbh, but he sounds incompetent to be honest.

If you’re skint as an adult with no children, that’s fine, the cupboards can be as baron as you like.

If you’re skint with children, you go to the food bank, you do whatever it takes to make sure your children are fed and healthy.

Why would you defend what seems to be child neglect?

It was unreasonable of you to ask for his child's pizza and push the issue. If you're concerned about her that seems like a very strange thing to do.

I think you should have just left rather than staying over with someone who hoodwinked you.

Commenting on his parenting though? Absolutely fair. Does his name begin with N and live in the North West by any chance? Daughter, circumstances, and even date idea match exactly with a man I once saw...

You both sound rather odd.

He’s also neglecting his child and should be reported for that.

If you're skint with or without children, you spend the price of a takeaway on grocery shopping to make several meals, even basic ones like egg or beans on toast, given this doesn't sound like a 'has no cooker, no cooking equipment, no money for electricity, no ability to cook, lives in an area with takeaways but weirdly no shops selling groceries' situation.

You sound extremely incompatible.

@AlwaysSomeKunceInTheWay his behaviour would massively give me the ick.

That's ridiculous. He invited you over. If it was a spur of the moment kind of thing, it would be something

Him and his daughter seem like a pair of oddballs. Throw him back; you can do better.

Yes, I agree, I don't do a week's worth of shopping, most likely to shop every two days. However, I have Olive oil, herbs and spices, cans of tomatoes, fruit, veg that has not all been used like a bag of onions, garlic. Blocks of Cheese done fend to be eaten in one sitting in my house etc.

Where did I defend anything????

OMG….. what image have you planted in my head!! 😱

To recap…

he is overweight
he got you an unhealthy takeaway instead of the promised home cooked dinner
nothing for breakfast - surely a leisurely dejeuner in bed is what one would normally have when staying over!
clear signs of an unkempt home
everything pointing to him neglecting his daughter

And yet you stayed the night??!!!

please walk away and raise your bar…

I would definitely not be seeing him.again and would be v concerned about his daughter. Given he's got the money to spend on takeaways and McDonald's there is no excuse not to have basics in and it sounds like his daughter has to protect her food otherwise she will have nothing to eat. That's v concerning

Spend more than five more minutes with this man and you will be the one doing the grocery shopping whenever you're there and paying for it all.

Well… not nothing for breakfast… there could have been crisps. A very romantic breakfast in bed.

oh give over, there's being lazy and there's being borderline abusive.

Man AND WOMEN live on takeaways - kids even go to school with leftover McDonalds sometimes, it's vile.

You can have a father who was lazy when living with his wife, doesn't stop any normal parent to at least have food in the cupboard and the fridge, even if it's just ready meals, cereals, crips and biscuits. Not a diet by any means, but not having anything when you have a child is not acceptable

@Pansykavalier Hard agree

By looking “pissed off” at your asking about the crisps for breakfast situation, shows that he knows it’s not ideal for his daughter and maybe feels guilty about it?

On another note
I said I don’t like to eat takeaway but I’m happy to eat anything
obviously you DO NOY eat anything, and there's really no need for being that precious either when you are a guest😂

and I don't even buy takeaway myself, but come on.

Have you dumped this lazy, neglectful waste of space yet?

If he can afford half a takeaway, he can afford to buy some basic groceries. You can do so much better than this pathetic man.

I hope you didn't reward that low effort with a shag that night.