To think Mumsnet's views on alcohol are unusual?

[Peanutbutterkitty]

Every time I read a thread on Mumsnet talking about alcohol, I am always fairly surprised because most posters seem to absolutely despise drinking, claim to never drink or not be able to possible manage more than a single thimble of wine at Christmas.

Yet most people I know drink far more than that! I am in my thirties and I'd say almost every friend I have will drink every Friday and Saturday, and sometimes one or two weekdays depending on the weather! And everyone will drink at least 3 drinks in one go, often more if it's a bank holiday/bbq/party/catch up with friends.

This varies across all classes/age groups that I know - neighbours, family, colleagues etc. My friendship group are all professional, responsible people with otherwise very healthy lifestyles (daily gym/pilates, homecooked healthy non-UPF meals, salads and quinoa and green tea types!), but they all love a few glasses of wine or beer at the weekend.

I am from the south east and my cousin is from the north east, and she said it is very much the same where she lives.

So are our hometowns just odd? Or AIBU to think this is fairly usual in the UK, and that Mumsnet posters are unusual in this regard?

Genuinely just curious as it came up in conversation!

YABU - Mumsnet is the norm, alcohol is the devil
YANBU - Mumsnet views about alcohol are unusual

Bit of a stretch to say that people who drink are going to kill someone.

YABU with the false dichotomy you put in your BU/NBU choices.

The average alcohol consumption in the UK is something like 10 units a week which is equivalent to a bottle of wine. If you posted on mumsnet saying that that's how much you drink then no-one's going to call you an alcoholic.

But hidden in that average is the fact that the there are significant groups at either end of the curve. At the bottom end 20% of the adult population don't drink at all. And at the top end, 20% of the population consume 80% of the alcohol. Mumsnet's demographics skew slightly older. If you've been on this earth for a while you often start to notice the people in that top 20% and learn to spot the same warning signs in others.

At the end of the day alcohol is a socially-acceptable and potentially addictive drug. A lot of people, myself included, can have it without it becoming a problem. But not everyone can and alcohol abuse can cause a lot of damage. It killed my father, it's killed a couple of my friends, and it killed the mother of my children.

You haven't provided the correct voting option, which is that MN is to reality like ... well anything which isn't real to something that is real.

When you realise (or remember) that everything slots nicely into place.

I don’t think MN is against alcohol. I think it’s more that you are exposed to the opinions of random strangers who hold very different views to you and your circle.

I have a few drinks Friday and Saturday every week and everyone I know has this or more often!

Exactly. MN is not a hive mind. It's just a collection of different people with different viewpoints.

"I am aware that other people do drink alcohol" - fascinating 🤔

I specifically remember a thread where someone was complaining about their DH having a couple of beers a few times a week in the evenings. Cue shocked gasps and calls for AA involvement.

I sat there thinking fuck me that's light work.

Maybe it's our age OP? Influenced by the ladette culture of the 90s.

It definitely seems women in their 20s are more interested in going to the gym and looking good rather than going out to get pissed, not that that is a bad thing. But there has been a huge cultural shift with social media, anti smoking and responsible drinking campaigns that means young people are drinking less.

On the flip side, I know of multiple women who have gone sober in their mid 40s and 50s (many were absolute pissheads before) so maybe they got bored of it, maybe they became aware of their own mortality and thought they better start living a healthier lifestyle, maybe the hangovers got too unbearable, perhaps all of the above.

I have noticed the drinking habits have changed amongst my friendship group though. Obviously we aren't out on the lash like we were when we were younger. If we go out now (rarely) it's for day drinking and brunch or we will stay in for nibbles and wine around one of our houses. Most of us do drink at home on the odd evening. In fact it's my favourite kind of drinking! Friday night on the sofa with a good wine and Netflix is happy time.

Maybe I will have an epiphany of my own at some point, but I am still enjoying it for now. 🍾

I specifically remember a thread where someone was complaining about their DH having a couple of beers a few times a week in the evenings. Cue shocked gasps and calls for AA involvement

Whenever people cite these threads, the details seem to have undergone a miraculous simplification. I highly doubt this was all that was actually happening in real life- people usually underplay the seriousness of such events.

It starts as "DH drinks every night, gets argumentative, spends a fortune on alcohol and refuses to acknowledge it's causing problems" and six months later becomes "Mumsnet wanted him in AA for having two beers."

I'm always slightly sceptical of these summaries because the context that prompted the responses tends to disappear. As an example, my ex used to become vile and verbally abusive after a few beers. Yet I am quite sure if I mentioned this to anyone they would say him having a few beers was no big deal. And yet they werent the ones being called a "frigid bitch" or a "cunt" so of course they'd say it was fine. Sometimes what we admit to others is merely the tip of a very unpleasant iceberg....

Me neither. Turned 30 and alcohol started to trigger migraines so literally never drink. It’s annoying when some people try and persuade me as it makes me feel like I’m being boring. Thankfully that seems to happen less now. I don’t look down on drinking in moderation at all though.

Grew up with piss head parents. Any walk we did as kids would result in going past pubs and going in for a drink. Shopping trips to cities would be them flapping and wanting a drink so I’d park them in a pub and wander around on my own shopping, this included when I was baby shopping and 7 months pregnant! They were out all the time, always at my nannas as a kid and even now, in their early 70’s, they do a come dine with me on rotation between them and their friends. They host all the time and they all get plastered. I used to drink on the odd occasion but seeing first hand the neediness for a bloody pint and trying out a pub they’ve never been in all these years has put me off. Now in my early 40’s it really doesn’t agree with me and I have kids who do sports of a weekend and don’t want to be wasting it feeling rough. Rather put the money towards nice food or things and relax in my own home.

I'm in my 30s and have a few drinks most weekends, but not every weekend, and I'm one of the heaviest drinkers in my friend group. I also have lots of friends and family that don't drink at all.

I was married to an actual hardcore alcoholic. It was hell. You would think i wouldn't drink because of this but i do because I'm an adult and its my choice. Sometimes i don't drink at all, sometimes i drink a few when out for dinner as I'm a proper foodie and i love a wine pairing, sometimes i get drunk with old friends or at a family party, sometimes i drink with my hubby when he is off on a rare weekend and we listen to music and chat til the wee small hours. I always drink wine with dinner in italy with a few negroni nightcaps. I drink because i enjoy it, not because i need to. I don't think about whether anyone else drinks or not, I'm not interested in judging anyone either way and i think most feel the same way but you will always get the judgy ones on most subjects! As for health implications i don't think about it as I'm not hammering alcohol every day like my ex. What will be will be.

Do you really want to spend an evening drinking just soda water?

Not everyone on MN is even from the UK.

MN is wild about alcohol but I think a lot of it comes from a place of wanting to feel superior.

If the alternative is soft drink, absolutely!

Soft drink is just soda with more crap in it.

It is now - even the fruit juices are loaded with artificial sweeteners.

Ginger beer used to be my soft drink of choice. Sadly a sweetener free version is rare and the chance of a pub having one of the expensive premium brands is vanishingly small.

If I want a G&T I often have to have my own tonic in my hand bag

All the latest research says that alcohol is much worse for you than previously thought.

Any more than two glasses of wine in a day is too much for a woman, health-wise.

A "few" drinks every Fri and Sat night is too much.

Most developed countries have revised their guidelines right down. Canada now says two drinks max per week for women is safe.

Britain will get there with revising down guidelines, but it will take them much longer, per usual. (Other countries have been on to extreme breast density being a significant risk factor for breast cancer for many years, while Britain lags behind.)

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-64311705

The generations before Gen X had smoking as their big health threat. The effects of alcohol will be the Gen X equivalent.

For some, maybe, but I have read all the new research, and I'm just concerned about how few people know that it's much worse for you than previously thought.

If people know and still want to crack on, fair enough. But it's heartbreaking to think of people suffering ill effects twenty years from now and going "I wish I'd known how bad it was for me," weep, weep, weep. 😢

Many countries have revised down the level of drinking that's safe, in the light of this research, and Britain should be doing that and also a public health campaign about it. But we won't, because we're useless at public health these days. It's not like the Eighties, when an entire generation was terrified out of their wits by that AIDS ad in the graveyard and would have bought full-body condoms if we could, after watching that.

Point is, alcohol is much worse for you than we thought, and the VAST majority of people don't know it, and I think that's a real pity. It's also not fair on the general public for the government NOT to react to the research. Other countries have.

If you think people don't drink or say they don't drink just to feel superior, are you saying that them not drinking makes you feel inferior? That's usually what that means.

Ok so how does that work then?

But if alcohol is bad for the body then not using it is superior? I mean objectively that's a fact?
So that being the case what's wrong with ' feeling' that? It means the feeling corresponds with reality. A culture which feels good about using something that's bad for health and well being is what's questionable, surely?

No I’m saying that it’s a common theme on here that people like to be condescending and disproportionately critical of other people’s fairly innocuous choices. Most people know that alcohol isn’t great for you but only on MN have I ever seen such hyper disdain and OTT reactions to it. The word alcoholic is thrown around willy nilly.

It’s not just about alcohol mind, there are lots of topics where people are smug and superior and want to portray their own lives and choices as somehow at a higher standard than others.

I suppose it boils down to whether you’re the type of individual to need that feeling of superiority over others. I mean you’re not wrong, but would I look at someone and think they are lesser than me because they drink or smoke? No. And I wouldn’t look at someone who is tee total and health conscious and see them as a high calibre, virtuous human that I need to aspire to be like.

I just don’t think that these things really define a persons character.