To think Mumsnet's views on alcohol are unusual?

[Peanutbutterkitty]

Every time I read a thread on Mumsnet talking about alcohol, I am always fairly surprised because most posters seem to absolutely despise drinking, claim to never drink or not be able to possible manage more than a single thimble of wine at Christmas.

Yet most people I know drink far more than that! I am in my thirties and I'd say almost every friend I have will drink every Friday and Saturday, and sometimes one or two weekdays depending on the weather! And everyone will drink at least 3 drinks in one go, often more if it's a bank holiday/bbq/party/catch up with friends.

This varies across all classes/age groups that I know - neighbours, family, colleagues etc. My friendship group are all professional, responsible people with otherwise very healthy lifestyles (daily gym/pilates, homecooked healthy non-UPF meals, salads and quinoa and green tea types!), but they all love a few glasses of wine or beer at the weekend.

I am from the south east and my cousin is from the north east, and she said it is very much the same where she lives.

So are our hometowns just odd? Or AIBU to think this is fairly usual in the UK, and that Mumsnet posters are unusual in this regard?

Genuinely just curious as it came up in conversation!

YABU - Mumsnet is the norm, alcohol is the devil
YANBU - Mumsnet views about alcohol are unusual

You're the one who described multiple bottles of wine/champagne, beer and GT's between the group - I'm not plucking it out of thin air 🙄

When we have the DGC over for supper, DH and I have wine with our meal, so yes we do.

I only know one person who does not drink much - for health reason. Everyone else I know are drinking more than recommended amount. But. No one is getting blind drunk. Its quite normal to have a drink with food, or go for a drink after work/ weekend, or Friday during lunch.

Mumsnet is unusual but I think its probably due to the type of people posting.

if it shaves a couple of years off my life then it’s guess I’ll have to be grateful for a life well lived 🤷‍♀️

Thats not really how alcohol damage works though is it? It's not like excessive alcohol allows you to live a fabulous healthy life and then just takes you gently in your sleep at age 82 instead of age 84.

Alcohol damage causes chronic inflammation, strokes, cancer etc etc so your latter years are far more likely to be spent in chronic pain, having chemo, or recovering from a stroke.

That would be far more of a concern to me, than merely losing 2 healthy years off the end of my life.

I'm pretty much the same I would say

But it has been insinuated on MN that you are either in teetotal/ thimvlful at Xmas or a raging alkie

Most people I know are in between that

On Friday I went out and had 2 bottles of cider and a g&t. Seems normal to me.

Only ever drink indoors if I go to OHs and we share a bottle of wine over dinner

I'm certain that drinking regularly isn't uncommon, but equally there are probably more people than you think who don't drink much if at all.

In my private life, I don't know anyone who drinks to excess like some of the people described on MN, such as the men who can't find the toilet after a night of drinking or end up vomiting on someone's sofa or carpet. I also don't know of anyone who drinks so much that they're useless for half the next day. Actually, the whole 'out all night' culture is foreign to me, alcohol or no (though staying out that late without alcohol or drugs seems less of a thing). So no, I don't relate to any of that or the attitude that you must serve alcohol at a wedding or other gathering or else there's no point in anyone attending/you're a terrible host/people will think you're either weird or a recovering alcoholic, which I sometimes see stated or implied on MN.

I don't take issue with people drinking in moderation, though it's not for me. My refusal to drink is not for cultural reasons. My father drank in moderation when I was growing up. I never saw him drunk, but I still didn't particularly like seeing him drink, and as an adult myself I just don't like the idea of it. I don't think alcohol is 'the devil', but I do think it turns some people into devils when they can't handle it or overindulge, and many would be better off if they had never started drinking. It's possible to have a great life without it, whatever your reasons for abstaining.

I suspect a lot of it depends on what you do for a living and the personalities of the people you socialise with.

I work alone and outdoors in an active job which finishes at 2pm so I would have nobody to go for a drink with even if I wanted to. I also need to drive for my job so having something at lunch would also be a no-go. However when I worked in retail in a busy tourist town I often popped for a drink on the way home as I'd walked to work and it was on my way past, plus it was later in the day so felt more normal.

@Peanutbutterkitty in answer to your
thread question “Do you think Mumsnet views on alcohol are unusual”, well you now have your answer, yes they are.

@DancingNotDrowning, your post is so apt.
I love good food, good company and good wine and have many happy memories of happy times wining and dining. I have a few lunch dates in the diary coming up for much of the same.

Do MNetters care about my health so much that my drinking wine, at the dinner table with my DH,
or family or friends, with meals, every evening upsets them so much. It can’t be that, they don’t know me and I am not on MN asking for help because I am a raging alcoholic. So why does a
person saying that they enjoy a glass of wine or two or three in evening incense so many?

PPs have spoken of people’s relationship with food on this thread and there are many threads about this subject on MN.

I wouldn’t think of jumping on a thread about someones relationship with food and make some of the sanctimonious and judgmental
comments, all wrapped up in “you are being reckless…you need alcohol to enjoy yourself… you are knocking years off your life…you do not realise you have a problem…but I, who am posting on MN and know nothing about you, your lifestyle and choices, know that your are an alcoholic” that many make about a responsible adult that likes to drink alcohol.

I am off to the Co op shortly, we bought a delicious Rosé from there yesterday, so we will buy a few more bottles.

Or 3 😂

7-8 glasses of wine and I would be unconcious

Ah, but you’re probably not a “professional” then. Professional, well-educated people can drink excessive amounts of alcohol in one sitting because their professional credentials allow them to hold their liquor better. There are plenty of studies that support this. Do some research.

But that’s not what the teetotallers are arguing about here. None of us give a crap if you drink at home with your DH. What we dislike is people saying we’re weird, prim or liars because we say we don’t drink alcohol. So we then shared all the reasons we don’t drink (health, weight, mind, behaviour etc) - it being bad for us and for society as a whole - and a load of drinkers came and said ‘oh alcohol is fine it doesn’t harm, none of what you’re saying is accurate and I’ll still drink a normal amount of alcohol’ (states amount well above recommended limits).

Exactly. A PP has even accused us of being fat food addicts because we can't possibly be uninterested in alcohol and follow a healthy diet at the same time!

But that is not what the thread is about. It is about the attitude of “teetotallers” to those that do drink and OP is questioning what she wonders might be a MN attitude to those that do drink alcohol.

Regarding your point, I can’t really comment on it other than to say, I haven’t come across it. I know so many people that do not drink alcohol. Most of my extended family. My DD is of the thimble at Christmas brigade. Her choice, we would never force her or even offer.

I personally don’t understand why anyone would pressure someone to drink that doesn’t. Why do people you know or associate with not respect a really simple and basic personal choice “I don’t drink” or “no thanks, I’m ok”.

I’m not talking about people I know… I’m talking about people on this thread.

Oh well that’s good. People that say that people that don’t drink on here are weird and need to drink alcohol, are like those that imply that anyone that does drink has an alcohol dependency problem, being a bit silly and judgemental. MNs play ground!

This is all anecdotal bar the odd stat, so I'll join in. Went to a 70th birthday party (age range 50-70) in London the other day, and about 8 out of the 35 were drinking alcohol. 70 year old was a big-city American, and said he often ends up with more wine than he bought for the party because non-drinkers still bring a bottle. We were all pretty hard-goers up to our 40s. My children's generation had a merry time through uni but seem to have given up early 30s, or enjoy a couple of glasses at parties/going out. I guess it's a combination of age, price, medical warnings and a whole younger generation much more aware/worried about all aspects of health. Would Park Run have taken off so fast and successfully forty years ago?

I haven't seen one view on alcohol on Mumsnet.

I have seen posts from people who don't drink because they don't like it.
I have seen posts from people who are very negative about alcohol as they have had bad experiences, either themselves or difficulties with a problem drinker.
I have seen posts from people who like a drink occasionally but don't particularly enjoy feeling drunk, so maybe stop after a couple of glasses of wine.
I have seen posts from people who like a really good session occasionally and tolerate any consequences next day as worth it.
I have seen posts from people who really enjoy several drinks most or all days.
I have seen posts from people who find various events more fun if they have had quite a few drinks.
I have seen posts from people who feel they need alcohol to get them through the day. And others who feel like this and are causing problems in their lives from drinking.

Well that’s a weirdly aggressive response to someone saying they’re going to have one glass of wine 😂

Your extrapolation that because I’ve had the equivalent of a bottle of wine or more over dinner before that I might as well glug a whole bottle on every occasion I drink is really odd and suggests it’s you who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol not me. It’s perfectly easy and reasonable just to have on glass of wine.

Another common theme I see here a lot is about drinking when you have kids in the house and 'how would you get them to hospital if you've had a drink'

To be fair this is normally said about an ex as ammunition.

Like as if no one has ever heard of cabs.

I don't agree with drinking alcohol when there are children in the house but I grew up with alcoholic parents so I also know my view is massively skewed by that.

I wonder if this is an age thing? I'm 60 and I can only think of one person I know who doesn't drink at all. Equally I don't know anyone who overdoes it - a glass or two of an evening or with a meal once or twice a week, No messy behaviour / huge hangovers. A number of people I know have cut down over the years, but not given up.

OP, those drinking habits are not unusual at all, but that doesn't mean they are a healthy part of someone's lifestyle long-term.

I often read threads on here and wonder where all these people are in real life who don't drink at all.
I have various groups of friends and most of them drink what I'd consider to be a normal amount. A few at the weekend and the odd one in the week. One group I meet up with we're nearly all driving so we don't drink then.

I have one friend who doesn't drink for medical reasons and the odd one with young kids so they tend not to.

I don't get drunk and neither do my friends. For context I'm mid 50s.
But i do find that the posts from non drinkers tend to come out on the threads asking if they are drinking too much.
I've got a bottle of wine open from Friday. I'll probably finish it tonight. Probably won't have anything until next weekend.

I suspect a lot of non-drinkers are less noticeable than people imagine. Most don't spend their evenings announcing it, they just quietly order something else.

For example, if I am out with work mates, I dont announce to the entire room "hear ye, I am alcohol free- everyone needs to know!" I just quietly order a Diet Coke and always drive so people who dont know me well probably assume I am not drinking as I am driving

As I mentioned up thread, my son is at uni and doesnt drink and neither do many of his friends - they are all very health conscious and spend a lot of time at the gym. Not drinking is hardly that unusual!