Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

227 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:37

@LaliqueSaltGrinder Why are you shouting at me? Are you ok? I have said I've opened the door and spoken to them before. It's not a case of I never open the door. I didn't want to tonight, I think that's ok and shouldn't lead to persistent knocking. What's wrong with coming back tomorrow or putting a note through, having assumed that now is not a good time for any one of a myriad of reasons why that may be the case.

OP posts:
Flipflopsandsunhat · 30/05/2026 20:38

NotMeAtAll · 30/05/2026 19:52

If they knew you were in, their persistent knocking is no weirder than not answering the door. Of course you're perfectly entitled not to answer the door.

'Persistent' knocking is the only sort of knocking on MN, no-one ever just knocks. So bizarre.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:38

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:35

How are they supposed to know you don't want to unless you answer the door and tell them 😂

Show quote history

Umm, because I don't open the door???

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:39

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:28

Who cares what neighbour you'd want? I don't want neighbours pointing at my house, but hey. There's definitely nothing wrong with the house either, it will definitely be about the fence. And they have no reason to view me as a cranky cow - that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment. I've spoken to them once - the time I opened the door while in the middle of cooking tea, and let the man into my garden to fix the fence so his garden was secure for his dog. not sure why that makes me the neighbour from hell.

Show quote history

I don't want neighbours pointing at my house, but hey.
Then tell them that

And they have no reason to view me as a cranky cow
yes they do... they know that you were purposely avoiding them so yes I'd assume you were a crank

that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment
Do you know what misogynistic means?

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:39

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:35

How are they supposed to know you don't want to unless you answer the door and tell them 😂

Show quote history

By not answering the door, that's a pretty sure giveaway that you don't want to talk right now!!

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:38

Umm, because I don't open the door???

Show quote history

Maybe they thought you hadn't heard them?

Next time, just answer, explain you're busy and ask them to come back another day.

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:39

By not answering the door, that's a pretty sure giveaway that you don't want to talk right now!!

Show quote history

No, it could easily mean you haven't heard the door Hmm

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:40

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

Maybe they thought you hadn't heard them?

Next time, just answer, explain you're busy and ask them to come back another day.

Show quote history

Why though? Why should anyone have to do this???

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:41

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:39

By not answering the door, that's a pretty sure giveaway that you don't want to talk right now!!

Show quote history

I wiuld assume that my neighbour was on the toilet or in the shower

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:41

Flipflopsandsunhat · 30/05/2026 20:38

'Persistent' knocking is the only sort of knocking on MN, no-one ever just knocks. So bizarre.

Show quote history

They knocked 2 or 3 times, then went up the drive away from the door, conferred for a while then came back down and knocked a further 2 or 3 times. I'd say that's persistent. Something made them give up but then they changed their mind. Odd - on some level they had realised it was time to give up but then they started up again for some reason.

OP posts:
tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:41

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:40

Why though? Why should anyone have to do this???

Show quote history

Basic manners?

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:42

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:40

No, it could easily mean you haven't heard the door Hmm

Show quote history

But there was eye contact at the windows so its pretty obvious OP heard but just didn't want to answer the door.

VIII · 30/05/2026 20:43

They knocked 4-6 times... That's hardly persistent.

Will you go over and talk to them tomorrow about the fence or are you just going to wait for them to come back and ignore them again?

TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/05/2026 20:43

Agreed. The natural assumption if they have seen you but you then do not open the door is that you haven’t heard them not that you don’t want to speak to them.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:43

that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment
Do you know what misogynistic means?

@BudgetBuster Yes, do you know what faintly means?

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:44

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:41

They knocked 2 or 3 times, then went up the drive away from the door, conferred for a while then came back down and knocked a further 2 or 3 times. I'd say that's persistent. Something made them give up but then they changed their mind. Odd - on some level they had realised it was time to give up but then they started up again for some reason.

Show quote history

That isn't persistent 😂

Honestly don't be drinking and coming on Mumsnet. You can't even think straight.

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:44

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:42

But there was eye contact at the windows so its pretty obvious OP heard but just didn't want to answer the door.

Show quote history

Or she could have gone outside, or into a room where she couldn't hear the door. I can't hear anyone knocking on our front door if I have the stairs doors closed or if I'm out in the garden.

TooOrangey · 30/05/2026 20:44

I’m you know from your deeds the fence is not yours, why are you happy to pay half?

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:45

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:43

that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment
Do you know what misogynistic means?

@BudgetBuster Yes, do you know what faintly means?

I don't indeed.
But ther was nothing FAINTLY or otherwise misogynistic about the previous posters comment. Literally nothing.

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:46

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:41

Basic manners?

Show quote history

I disagree. Rude of someone to keep on knocking on someone's door because they demand response at their time regardless of what is going on in that person's home.

mondaytosunday · 30/05/2026 20:46

That’s weird. I mean you are weird. If I opened my curtains and see the neighbour I’d give them a wave! Then to not answer the door when they know you are there? You are the one acting strange! Persistent knocking is because they may have very reasonably thought you must not have heard them.
Just about everyone has said they were not being odd you were. Accept the majority opinion.
However, you are certainly within your rights to not open the door (whether it’s because you don’t have time or energy considering the amount of time spent on this thread is debatable). I’d go around tomorrow and say ‘hi sorry I was on the phone last night (or taking a shower or cooking dinner or whatever) but do you need to talk to me? Is this about the fence’?
As for pointing at your house…. I talk with my hands, and if I’m referring to a neighbour I do gesture towards their house, it’s automatic.

HGP · 30/05/2026 20:48

I’m really not sure why you’re telling MN about this but each to their own.

I once knocked on a neighbours door because there was smoke billowing out from their roof. Luckily they answered, just putting that out there…

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:48

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:46

I disagree. Rude of someone to keep on knocking on someone's door because they demand response at their time regardless of what is going on in that person's home.

Show quote history

Nobody's demanding anything. They knocked repeatedly because they knew OP was home and assumed she couldn't hear them 😂

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:50

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:42

But there was eye contact at the windows so its pretty obvious OP heard but just didn't want to answer the door.

Show quote history

The eye contact was before the knocking had started and not connected. They saw me in my bedroom so maybe one assumption they could have made would have been that I had gone to bed and maybe that was why I wasn't answering the door.

@VIII 4-6 times isn't persistent??? Of course it is. When I knock, I do it three times, max. then basic manners/common sense tells me either the person isn't in or they don't want to answer and I need to respect that.

@tiramisugelato What has basic manners got to do with it? I am in my own home and don't need to exercise manners to someone knocking the door unsolicited- beyond not shouting 'fuck off,' which I didn't do. Basic manners should have told them that for whatever reason I wasn't answering and they needed to respect that. Not keep on and on knocking.

OP posts:
VIII · 30/05/2026 20:51

I notice you ignored my question...