To have done a job interview at 20 weeks pregnant and not disclosed

[Kinekia]

I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

My original manager knew from 6 weeks in January as HG (severe morning sickness) kicked in at 6 weeks and I ended up on the sick for 2 months. After 2 months I returned as I’d found a medication protocol that allowed
me to get back to normality. I worked in an entry level customer service role. They have dozens of staff so my pregnancy didn’t really affect the team that much.

An internal role came up within the business in March. It would essentially be a promotion. Pay rise, more responsibilities (but generally nicer hours and less front-line customer contact, which is a huge bonus), no weekends, smaller team. I applied expecting nothing to come of it. I surprisingly got invited for an interview in April. I was 20 weeks when I interviewed. I had pondered over whether to disclose the pregnancy at the interview. This internal department is in a different part of the building to where I worked so they don’t know me at all. And my line manager at the time confirmed they wouldn’t tell them about the pregnancy and that it was up to me when I disclose. This job role that had come up was something I’ve desired to get into ever since joining the company, and I really wanted to give it my best shot, so I decided not to disclose, as was my legal right.

I interviewed at 20 weeks in April and felt I hid the bump well. We clicked really well at interview and they really liked me. They asked about pre-booked holidays etc. they then asked “Is there anything else we need to know about?” and I cheerfully said “no”. I felt awful about this at the time but on the other hand, as I said, I wanted them to review me as a candidate fairly without just being seen as “the pregnant candidate”.

Middle of May I got offered the role and accepted. The call where they offered the role was very rushed as they were snowed under, and I didn’t get chance to disclose the pregnancy as she said “Right I’ll be in touch when I’ve got a start date I need to go now, take care!” and abruptly hung up.

The next day (my final day before 17 days of annual leave) I messaged the new manager asking if she had time for a call and she never replied. I wanted to disclose the pregnancy then. I then went on the pre-booked
holiday and still didn’t have a start date.

Came back from my holiday and returned to work 26th May after the bank holiday and went to sit in my usual part of the office and got pulled away by my new manager, taken to their department and told I’m starting straight away. By this point I’m 25 weeks so I had to tell them. It was all quite rushed and they’ve been off with me ever since. Nobody has said anything but they aren’t friendly with me like they have been prior and at one point I was asked why I hadn’t disclosed at interview. They exclude me from friendly chat and I have to ask them what they want me to be doing with my time and my training.

I do feel awful for inconveniencing them but I don’t think I did anything wrong by not disclosing at interview. I had intended to tell them earlier than when I did but I just never got the right moment. I thought we’d have a time to sit down together and go through contracts etc and I would’ve mentioned it then but this never happened.

I have seen there is another woman on the team who is pregnant and due to go on leave so I suspect they had intended me to take over from her and that is why they are pissed off. They hadn’t told me this at interview though. Ironically I’m actually due before this other woman so I can see why they are fuming but legally I’ve not done anything wrong. It does prove that if I’d have disclosed at interview they probably would’ve not hired me and would’ve made up a non-pregnancy related reason to justify it.

Am I am awful employee? I’m concerned that my relationship with my managers will never recover from this and it’s a shame as I really have a huge interest in this role and have every intention of going back full-time after mat leave.

A small minority of nasty pieces of work, such as yourself, spoke proudly about how I’m going to get bullied, intimated and discriminated out of the job.

I said no such thing!

You yourself have mentioned in your OP how your colleagues are acting around you since finding this out. It seems to have been why you posted on AIBU.

One phonecall from a superior being pleasant and making a silk purse out of a sow's ear, aka the situation she is now stuck with, does not make it all all right.

If all you wanted was posters agreeing with you, and banging on about legalities and rights, you perhaps should have posted this on a different board.

Meanwhile, your colleagues, who presumably are all aware of employment laws, are still upset.

I mean you could always take the minimum two weeks maternity and let your partner do the rest of the parental leave????

Why make such a ridiculous comment.

OP's baby is a lot more worthy of her time than trying to appease colleagues.

@Kinekia enjoy your maternity leave when it comes around (quite soon 😉)

Don't cut it short unless you want to for some reason. I had 14 months off in total with the annual leave I had accrued during maternity leave.

It’ll blow over. They’ve no rights to be snappy with you. They had the opportunity to speak to your manager, they’ll get over it.

Its not a ridiculous comment at all. Its a suggestion.

Quite insulting to those who do take a very short maternity and then their partner takes over. One of my friends did this as she was by far the higher earner and didn't want to jeopardise her career. A sperm made the baby too so why shouldn't they father take over?

It's a ridiculous suggestion because it's out of proportion for the OP's role. She would never get that time back with her baby, just so she could ingratiate herself with work.

I feel sorry for your friend if she only had 2 weeks maternity leave. It's not much time for a woman to recover from birth (yes in some countries maternity leave rights are very poor but it's not a race to the bottom, I'm not trying to insult those who are forced to take a short maternity leave but can't imagine many people 'happily' take only 2 weeks, people have longer holidays than that).

A sperm made the baby too but the mother has carried the baby for so long and that's whose voice they know, I actually believe it's better for the baby to be with their mother in the early days, certainly the first few months (4th trimester).

They don't generally expect it back a year later though

I did chat with the department managers in passing this morning and they’ve said I’d be mad to not at least take the 6 months of full pay! So I definitely will take that at the very very least.

I am pleased for you that things have worked well.

But I could not have done this. To me it is playing the system in the same as tax avoiders do .... within the law but dubiously moral. I recognise your right to have done this.

Am I mistaken or did you not say before you weren't going to take a long maternity leave, now it's a " minimum" of 6 months

🙄

I said I might not take the full year and may look at shared parental leave for the latter part of my baby’s first year.

Don’t act all high and mighty as if you would leave a 2 week old baby at home when your workplace is actively encouraging you
to have 6 months at home on full pay.

A mum would get eaten alive on here if she came on and said “My workplace
offers 6 months full pay but I want to go back when baby is 2 weeks to benefit my career”. She’d be absolutely eaten alive by the nest of vipers on here and would have dozens of comments of “Your poor baby!!!!”

Who’d have thought that Mumsnet would be so fucking misogynistic?

Where am I acting high and mighty?

you know full well with your use of quotation marks. Don’t play ignorant

I merely was asking if that's what you had said previously. And no where did I mention 2 week old babies Get a grip

I apologise as your post definitely didn’t warrant my snappy response. To be honest I’m defensive given the abuse I’ve had on this thread by many people who have gloated about how everyone in my role will hate me and how I should expect to be treated like shit and get bullied out of the job. This isn’t the case, the managers were annoyed for a few days (which is why I started the thread) but over the weekend they appear to have processed it and are being lovely now and progressing my training plan. The thread really isn’t benefitting me anymore and I feel as though people are trying to bait me. Of course I’m not going to leave a 2 week old baby when my work is offering 6 months pay but if I state that then posters come to give me a kicking and a “you’re full of shit then OP” attitude. I’m not sure why I keep checking the thread as it feels like I’m just punishing myself. I will see if MN can close it.

YANBU, I would´ve done exactly the same in your circumstances. And fuck two weeks maternity leave. You take as much as you deem necessary. You won´t know how your baby will be. So good luck with job and new baby (soon).

It’s entirely up to you if you take the full year. If you feel it benefits you then why not and you honestly don’t know how you’ll be after having a baby. I’ve got 2 neighbours one with an 11 month old (first child) and the other with an 8 month old (second child) and they’ve both taken a year off.

Whilst as I said before I think you could’ve mentioned this sooner, well you didn’t but luckily your managers appear to be fine with this and you’ve had the chat now.

Ignore the nasty people on this thread. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Good that they are coming round. My maternity package was pretty poor, I think it was only 3 weeks extra pay on top of statutory leave but they were mostly supportive of me taking the time I wanted (no one in my team had ever taken maternity leave before so they weren't very clued up on it).

Check how far in advance you need to plan your return but don't set anything in stone - it's often easier to say a longer time and return a bit earlier than stressing trying to extend maternity leave if you want more time.

I really wish you the very best OP.
Step away.

This thread is an absolute disgrace.

MN should come with a site warning.🙄

Don't be so misogynistic, assuming that only the mother can take on the role of caring for a baby!

My friend's husband is an amazing dad and was more than happy to take on the role. She carried the baby, he took on the role of main care giver once the baby was born. She expressed milk during the day then took over when she got home while he prepared dinner etc...

the managers were annoyed for a few days (which is why I started the thread) but over the weekend they appear to have processed it and are being lovely now ...

They know they have no choice ....

But I wish you well with your pregnancy.

Thanks.

It's not misogyny (hatred of women), DH is an excellent father but in the very early weeks a baby needs its mother (and it's good for the mother to have time with the baby too) . If there are no actual barriers to that happening then it's what is biologically normal.

I completely understand why you didn’t disclose your pregnancy. I can totally see the way it would have gone if you did.

So crazy that us women go through so much shit ….!

I’m glad you got the role, and that it’s what you wanted and that you had a call with your manager who talked it through with you… hopefully it will stay a nice (as much as possible) working environment, all the best!

This ‘legal but immoral’ argument misses the point entirely. These laws exist precisely because we as a society have decided that protecting women from discrimination is a moral imperative, not merely a technicality to be circumvented. The irony is that many commenters seem to be proposing doing exactly that.

I accepted a new job, and found out the next day that I was pregnant with DD2 🤦🏼‍♀️ it was really difficult to decide if I should disclose it or not. I chose not to and worked in the role for six months with strategically placed laptops, big handbags and loose clothing - it was during the winter. When I finally told my director he was shocked but also understood that it was in my interests to prove myself in the role before I made the announcement. Sadly we would have been discriminated against … so we have to make choices with that in mind.