To have done a job interview at 20 weeks pregnant and not disclosed

[Kinekia]

I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

My original manager knew from 6 weeks in January as HG (severe morning sickness) kicked in at 6 weeks and I ended up on the sick for 2 months. After 2 months I returned as I’d found a medication protocol that allowed
me to get back to normality. I worked in an entry level customer service role. They have dozens of staff so my pregnancy didn’t really affect the team that much.

An internal role came up within the business in March. It would essentially be a promotion. Pay rise, more responsibilities (but generally nicer hours and less front-line customer contact, which is a huge bonus), no weekends, smaller team. I applied expecting nothing to come of it. I surprisingly got invited for an interview in April. I was 20 weeks when I interviewed. I had pondered over whether to disclose the pregnancy at the interview. This internal department is in a different part of the building to where I worked so they don’t know me at all. And my line manager at the time confirmed they wouldn’t tell them about the pregnancy and that it was up to me when I disclose. This job role that had come up was something I’ve desired to get into ever since joining the company, and I really wanted to give it my best shot, so I decided not to disclose, as was my legal right.

I interviewed at 20 weeks in April and felt I hid the bump well. We clicked really well at interview and they really liked me. They asked about pre-booked holidays etc. they then asked “Is there anything else we need to know about?” and I cheerfully said “no”. I felt awful about this at the time but on the other hand, as I said, I wanted them to review me as a candidate fairly without just being seen as “the pregnant candidate”.

Middle of May I got offered the role and accepted. The call where they offered the role was very rushed as they were snowed under, and I didn’t get chance to disclose the pregnancy as she said “Right I’ll be in touch when I’ve got a start date I need to go now, take care!” and abruptly hung up.

The next day (my final day before 17 days of annual leave) I messaged the new manager asking if she had time for a call and she never replied. I wanted to disclose the pregnancy then. I then went on the pre-booked
holiday and still didn’t have a start date.

Came back from my holiday and returned to work 26th May after the bank holiday and went to sit in my usual part of the office and got pulled away by my new manager, taken to their department and told I’m starting straight away. By this point I’m 25 weeks so I had to tell them. It was all quite rushed and they’ve been off with me ever since. Nobody has said anything but they aren’t friendly with me like they have been prior and at one point I was asked why I hadn’t disclosed at interview. They exclude me from friendly chat and I have to ask them what they want me to be doing with my time and my training.

I do feel awful for inconveniencing them but I don’t think I did anything wrong by not disclosing at interview. I had intended to tell them earlier than when I did but I just never got the right moment. I thought we’d have a time to sit down together and go through contracts etc and I would’ve mentioned it then but this never happened.

I have seen there is another woman on the team who is pregnant and due to go on leave so I suspect they had intended me to take over from her and that is why they are pissed off. They hadn’t told me this at interview though. Ironically I’m actually due before this other woman so I can see why they are fuming but legally I’ve not done anything wrong. It does prove that if I’d have disclosed at interview they probably would’ve not hired me and would’ve made up a non-pregnancy related reason to justify it.

Am I am awful employee? I’m concerned that my relationship with my managers will never recover from this and it’s a shame as I really have a huge interest in this role and have every intention of going back full-time after mat leave.

I think OP - you should have disclosed this at interview - but then - I do have to ask - when you know you are pregnant and going on maternity in the next 3 months - is it the right time to be applying for a promotion?

My answer would be no. I’d wait until my return and re-assess everything then. Your mindset and approach to work is likely to change once you’ve had baby.

It is what it is though - you’ve just got to make the most of the next 12-13 weeks before you go on maternity leave.

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My impression too.

Not sure why you deleted the text, but "only" taking 6 months of maternity will not stop them resenting you unfortunately.

Years ago I was offered a senior position in an engineering company, and they told me to think about it over the weekend and let them know on the Monday if I'd take it. On the Sunday I found out I was pregnant (total surprise). Legally I knew that I could still take the job, and I really wanted it, but morally I couldn't do it, because just a few months into the position I'd be massively letting the team down. So I turned it down and told them why.

A year later just as I was finishing maternity, they phoned me up and offered me a job again! So it worked out OK for me in the end.

You made your decision not to tell them which you were entitled to do so, and because of this you have caused some resentment and are not going to be popular. But it's not a popularity competition. You have been employed to do a job which you will continue once maternity is finished.

@OnlyMabelInTheBuilding Five years down the line, if the OP has worked hard, do you really think it'll make much difference? I honestly don't, it'll blow over. Yes, it hasn't been a great start but I think it'll be fine longterm.

I know of two people, two different companies, who were pregnant at interview but unlike OP, didn’t lie about it and they both got the job. One’s a teacher, one works in social care.

So if the OP had disclosed you are saying that you can guarantee she 100% would have got the job? You know what they were thinking and were party to all the discussions?
Otherwise why is this relevant?

This is how I feel too.

I think many people are assuming I’ll want to be a SAHM or go on very reduced hours after I have the baby and if they are assuming that then I can see why they feel I’ve massively fucked over the company. But it’s truly not the case.

We’ve decided want to buy a house and get out of the private rent trap and I simply need to work full-time to able to do that. We wouldn’t have a cat in hell’s chance of getting approved for a mortgage on a family home without 2 full-time incomes. I’ve got every intention of going back full-time because I simply have to if I want a stability. That’s the reality for many mums however emotional and sad they are to leave the baby at nursery at the end of their leave.

Pregnancy aside, I’m more than capable of doing the role and proved this at interview and they were incredibly impressed with me and have said this. They’ll get over it and I think I can have a great career there when I go back. It’s a really interesting role which I’m genuinely excited about and I hope that will shine through.

OP, i think you sound like a great young woman.
Talk to your husband seriously about shared parental leave, it can be the making of a young family when the father experiences it.

You are to be commended for wanting to build a career and financial security for your child and family.

Do your best for the next 3 months with your head down and hopefully things will improve.
Wishing you well.

According to ACAS yes, if OP was the strongest candidate at interview the law wouldn’t allow them to discriminate against her being pregnant. So the maternity law had already kicked in during her interview, and not after it.

Not unreasonable to not disclose at interview, unreasonable to not have disclosed it upon offer.

Suppose it depends how many more kids and ML she has to what difference it makes

The law wouldn’t allow it? That’s like saying the law doesn’t allow shop lifting, or burglary, or [insert literally any crime]. The law doesn’t stop crime from happening, it allows for the possibility of some redress IF the criminal gets caught.

It’s not legal to ask, and she has no obligation to disclose, and that law is there to protect people from potential discrimination.

So what is the point of this thread? You've asked AIBU? Aside from a few vague pangs of guilt - which someone with a more developed conscience and a moral compass would fully recognise - you clearly feel you've not been unreasonable, and have moved on to crowing about your deception. Others disagree. Your poll shows 62% currently think YABU.

They advertised for a position but failed to say it was essentially maternity cover. Had the OP have said she was pregnant I cannot for the life of me see how they could have offered her the role, law or no law just from a practical standpoint.

This is the point I have been making. Acting honorably means you accumulated capital for your integrity and reaped the reward for this.
The OP's card has been marked now in a negative way.

I’m just on my morning break. Working remotely today. I got a call from the manager who did my interview a few minutes after logging in.

She congratulated me on the pregnancy and asked me to link in with my old manager to get my maternity forms sent over to her. She did ask why I hadn’t disclosed at interview - not in an accusatory way, she phrased it more as though whether there’s anything they could’ve done to have made me more
comfortable and she also reminded me that the organisation has won awards for being a good place to work for women. I was honest and said I really wanted the role as I want a long-term career at the company and didn’t want to get into pregnancy discussions at interview stage. I also explained that after the job offer I didn’t manage to get a minute with them to disclose but I conceded I should’ve emailed them before going on the holiday rather than being insistent it had to be verbally.

She was honest that they were a bit blindsided and they are going to have to re-organise some things in regards to my training plan but she has assured me it’s not the end of the world as they’ve got another new hire now too and they are also running more interviews to hire another 2 people as the department is expanding and has been given some extra funding anyway.

So all has worked out for the best.

I'm really pleased for you, @Kinekia but I still don't blame you for not mentioning it at interview. Anecdotal reports on Mumsnet of women disclosing their pregnancies at interview and succeeding in getting the post do not counter why pregnancy is one of the listed of protected characteristics in the Equality Act 2010. If there was no history of pregnant women being discriminated against it wouldn't have been added. There have been enough recent posts on MN about pregnancy discrimination for us to know it still happens. I'm extremely disappointed the poll is against you - so much for sisterhood.
NB For the sake of clarity, I agree that as you couldn't reach your employer by phone before your holiday once you had formally been offered and accepted the post, an email to HR would have been best. It's good that you have cleared the air with them.

So delighted to read this OP.
Your instincts are good, so trust them.
Creating a career and financial security for yourself is something no woman, or mother ever regrets.

Still look at the paternity leave.
Men who share it fully, can be better fathers sharing the role.

Two careers in one family means sharing the mental load means for a better marriage.

One tip that served me well was always having two baby bags always ready to go, the whole time my children were small, and make sure HE knows how to fill the baby bag.

It had spare clothes, nappies, snacks and cartons of juice, wipes.

Organisation is key when you have children.
Just make sure you are not manager and him employee.
Share the role.
It will take the pressure off you if you feel its not all down to you to organise and be in front of.
Good luck.

You've been deceitful from the start. What you've done may not be illegal, but you chose not to disclose information which is of huge relevance to you being reliable and doing the job that you've been hired for.
I think you've been incredibly unfair to your new employers and work colleagues, and can fully understand why they're being 'off' with you.

I was honest and said I really wanted the role as I want a long-term career at the company and didn’t want to get into pregnancy discussions at interview stage.

That was not being honest.

Regardless of how diplomatic and accomodating they are being, everyone involved now knows who you are and will resent you for what you've done, and will know never to trust you. Bon appetit.

It literally is honest and exactly the same story as I told in my OP. Are you claiming to be a mind reader? Because you seem a bit shit at it.

I’m sure you’d have absolutely loved if I’d have come back to the thread upset having been reamed out by management and you’re disappointed I’ve come back having had a positive development. Boohoo.

Hi OP

Im really glad you had a good chat with your manager. I have seen this scenario happen in practice and I can see both sides.

You have made a choice that some of your colleagues may not have done and there will be some initial resentment/distrust as a result - but how this goes long-term is 100% down to your performance from now on.

I’d be particularly considerate of your new pregnant colleague (particular as you are going off before her) and make sure she is not the one left doing the bulk of handover work.

Anything you can do to prove yourself before you go will help you enormously when you come back. The fact that you view this as a long-term career move is important and does help justify your choices. Make sure your partner is on-board that your career needs to be prioritised and this will mean him stepping up with childcare. And good luck! This situation is 100% salvageable. Do a good job and noone will remember 6 months after youre back. It’s a bit of short-term pain in a hopefully long and successful career.

@Kinekia I wouldn't blame you for leaving the thread now. The vindictive nature of some of these responses beggars belief.