to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

[teaandaflorentineplease]

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

Have you looked at independent primary schools in your area? A good independent school will give you everything you love about your current nursery alongside good quality, professional teaching (and will leave you financially better off than quitting work altogether)

Disclaimer: some independent prep schools are very much geared towards cramming for 11+ exams - make sure you understand the difference!

Totally agree. HE is the best and right choice for some children. Very hard to know that age 1 though…

It's a strange set-up

Nursery for a 1 year old is for parents to work, fair enough, someone has to pay the bills.

The year before school age, nurseries are all about getting ready for "big school" and make the transition very smooth. I can't imagine a kid being told and taught (and excited!) about starting big school, but knowing that their mum has decided to keep them home and they won't join the fun.

Nothing makes people quite so defensive as parenthood. For a lot of people by choosing a different path you are effectively saying the path they have chosen is wrong. This applies to literally everything when you start parenting: breastfeeding/bottle feeding, baby led weaning/purees, nursery/no nursery etc etc. It’s absolutely berserk.

Ignore the nay sayers OP.

Your child is one. Maybe you can reassess when your child is a bit older and you have more experience of parenting. Also, your teacher friends are probably annoyed at you because you are being quite disrespectful about their profession. Teachers train for their job continually, and the majority work very very hard. For you to reduce that to something you think you can just have a bash at by doing a few projects is a bit of a slap in the face.

OP the fact that you’ve made this decision when your child is still a baby suggests that perhaps you are more vocal about this than you need to be.

How can you be so sure that school isn’t right for your child 3 years in advance? In spite of the challenges that schools have, many children enjoy and thrive at school.

When my oldest was a baby I wasn’t even thinking about nursery let alone school.

I suspect that your teacher friends are judging you because you’ve made a point of telling them how bad schools are.

I would keep the conversation open and vague. You can make an informed choice when your child is older

I think 1 is very early to tell what will be best for your child long-term (and you!)

While I can teach classes of teenagers in multiple subjects, my home-learning experience of teaching my two in y2-3 and y4-5 was awful. I know lockdown and trying to work with the framework of the school curriculum was not representative of home education, but what went better was the nice fluffy bits, going on interesting walks, going to places like the museum and zoo when restrictions allowed, but that's the informal learning that we've always done as a family beyond school anyway. What was awful was trying to get a pair of reluctant, dyslexic children doing basic academic tasks like reading, writing sentences and times tables. While HEers can delegate these things out, that rapidly becomes pricey. The concept of interest based learning sounds lovely, but that doesn't always lead to balanced outcomes and there needs to be strategies to cope with resistance.

With SENs in the mix in our family, school has been useful in the diagnostic process, and these needs were not apparent early on. This is despite a lot being recognised and driven by me and my long professional experience of working with young people in a variety of settings; the system is just set up to value the professional input of schools over parental concern. Also when DS1 had SALT, a lot of that was implemented through nursery and school. I was already doing the good practice at home. A lot of less experienced parents would have missed signs and intervention would have been delayed.

For us, a clear separation of home life/ roles and school life is advantageous, and that's true for many families. There is also just needing separation to be yourself as an adult (not just a parent) and children having space to develop away from the parental gaze. Being with your children and working p/t is wildly different to full time presence with your children and no other independent roles in your life.

OP you seem to be approaching this in a really balanced way. You have plenty of time to research the home education groups and activities in your area (although you may find yourself travelling further than you might expect) and, as you say, to also look at schools before deciding for definite what you feel is best. It's been a while since we home educated our youngest but there was so much available then, I can only expect there is even more now with the increased numbers choosing to home educate in recent years.

Some children thrive in school, others are harmed by it. The same can apply to any sort of education. Home Ed is a perfectly valid choice if done properly, and there are plenty of resources available to make this a really positive option for the whole family, especially the child at the heart of it. We only did it for a couple of years, but with hindsight I would have started it a couple of years earlier. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I haven’t made a point of telling them how bad schools are. It’s in my OP that they’ve made a point of telling me how bad schools are.

I think your last sentence is the point I’m trying to make, you have to be completely prepared and do it properly because it’s very easy to get wrong!

Are you home schooling or free schooling?

OP I agree that the shift from foundation stage two to year one IS more desk based. My youngest often talks about how he has to sit still more, doesn't go in the forest area and doesn't get to be creative as often. Fortunately we can fill his cup with these things outside of school hours but I agree with you that it doesn't sit well with me the way the curriculum is laid out for year one age kids.

Most of the home ed families I know are either ex teachers, or parents of kids with special needs. My town has a large home ed community with lots of opportunities for all the children and families.

If my youngest for various reasons finds school isn't working well for him HE will definitely be out positive plan B.

I knew a family who moved back from the UK to their home country ( a European country) after a decade as once they had kids they felt strongly they wanted them to have an eyfs play based curriculum up to age 7 like they had had.

Perhaps with friends just explain it's not a knock on teachers more just a choice you think will best fit for your family.

My main concern with your plan is that you plan to quit work but there's no mention of your husband/partner (other than that you're both educated and agree). I feel you not working leaves you rather vulnerable tbh. Has the idea of you both working part time ever been floated??

I am a teacher with a child in a state school. I couldn’t give a fig whether others choose to home educate or not. YANBU, OP.

Continuous provision in year 1 isn't the same as fully play based, year 2 is unlikely to be play based at all and they are still going to be teaching reading and writing years too early.

Reception to year 2 is in no way ‘years too early’ to learn to read or write.

You've basically told your mates you think you're better qualified for a job they've spent years training for. Of course they're annoyed

I have not RTWT, just OP’s replies.

There is a lot going on here.

I don’t know if it has been said, but your teacher friends are up against all these things that they are talking about, the proverbial lack of money for glue sticks, behaviour, academy statistic nonsense, and yet the children in their class are still learning, progressing and probably having a lot of fun doing it because teachers (your friends) work so hard. Children are getting good education in state schools despite all these challenges thanks to the teachers. So turning around and saying school isn’t good enough for your one year old and that you could do what they do is hurtful, rude and possibly not in the best interest of your child. Please listen to the voices of adults who went through HE while doing your research.

LOVEVERY

An American company with excellent marketing. They pay influencers to promote their products and have very successfully got their products into nearly every home you will see on social media. I’m sure they do want to design good products but their “reading sets” are complementary to education and are very over priced for what they are. They are wholly inadequate as a phonics programme. The fact this is your plan suggests that either you have not done your research on teaching reading, or you have done your research and concluded this because you do lack the teacher training that would make clear Lovevery is not a full reading programme.

Thank you, OP. I have only just spotted this after making a couple of posts below - in one of which I explained how I approached it. But there are many options - you will have time to work out what is best for your DC. My DD was only home educated for 2 years but in hindsight I should have started from Y2 when things at school started going downhill. It would have saved her a lot of distress. She wanted to try secondary because she knew a nice older girl who went to the local grammar, so that is what she did (albeit part time). I am forever grateful for that period of home ed, though. It did wonders for DD and taught me a lot about her ND and how to then ask fight for the support she needed at secondary (thanks to the other home educating parents, who correctly suggested we investigate DD's neuro diversity, which her old primary school has consistently denied).

It's great that you are taking the time to think about this early when you have the time to properly research your options and make an informed choice nearer the time.

I'm really shocked at all the negative responses you have had.

In your original post you said your teacher friends had been telling you for years that the education system is broken, awful, etc etc.
Why are they now surprised that you don't want to put your DC into it?!

I worked in secondary education for 21 years until, with much relief, I retired.
In that time I saw many changes.

Increasingly, school for many children is something to be endured. There is bullying, there is disruption in lessons, there are increasing class sizes, and fewer extra curricula activities due to funding and staffing issues.

If I had school-age children now I would 100% be seriously considering home schooling them.
If you're reasonably educated yourself, can afford not to work, and are committed to HE, it is definitely a great choice.

There are amazing resources on-line, lots of local HE groups to join, and lots of activities children can join to give them experience of interacting with other children.

I totally respect your choice @teaandaflorentineplease . It could be an amazing experience for you and your child.
I would continue to prepare as you are, apply for a school place to keep that option open, but don't let the negativity sway you!

I work as a TA and I agree with the state of schools being shit.
Despite this I'm not a fan of homeschooling. All kids I have met with that have been homeschooled struggle socially and could not make friends.
You talking about being confident in subjects you will teach, but I notice you don't mention the arts or languages. Will you be teaching these subjects too?

Ah yes - in that case we are in agreement!

My only caveat relates to those children who genuinely cannot cope with school as it currently is, and for whom it can be hugely damaging. I appreciate this is a specific scenario, but until more schools are prepared to be flexible for those with additional needs, be that SEN, MH, or other reasons, there will always be some children who will do best away from that environment - even if the education isn't as good as they would receive were they able to access that offered in school.

We were very lucky that DD's secondary school were happy to put in place every recommendation made by the professionals she was seeing. I know, unfortunately, that other children have had a very different and much more negative experience.

I teach KS1 and have for many years. The children in my school thrive and are ready to move from the play based FS through to more formal learning in Y2. Some children who struggle are supported through brain breaks and other adaptations to access the curriculum. I’m also a huge champion of outdoor time and free play. Most schools manage the balance well and strike a balance that children are ready for. Op, come and volunteer in a KS1 classroom and see for yourself.

Just to add, the emotive words on this thread including ‘numpties’, ‘thick’ and ‘stupid’ have all been used against anyone suggesting alternatives to the op. Other posters have mentioned a holier than thou approach of some home educators and this is evident here.

It's your choice OP and as long as you have the wealth to be able to pay to educate your children in the subjects you can't cover I don't see a major issue especially for early "reception" she learning but I think even if you and your husband are educated secondary school/high school level learning would suffer unless as I stated before you have the wealth to cover your blind spots.

So why even say that then? It’s not an easy choice at all plus loss of earnings.

Her child won’t know is the answer. We observe our children in nursery settings and even maybe to foundation, that’s when you’ll see how your child gets on. My child was obviously struggling from not long into year 1, it’ll become apparent which way very early. In OPs case if she doesn’t want to send her child and has already decided, that’s her choice as a parent. No one else’s business quite frankly.

People only act like this, i.e. defensively, when they are insecure in their own choices.