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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to tell teacher friends to stop with the negativity over our decision to home educate?

630 replies

teaandaflorentineplease · 29/05/2026 13:49

We’ve made the decision to home educate our child. Fulltime school isn’t right for our family, and I genuinely believe that play based, informal learning suits early childhood far better than sitting at desks from age five. I’d have been open to flexi-schooling if our local school allowed it, but they don’t so we’ve chosen home education.

What’s surprised me is the strength of the negative reaction from our teacher friends. These are people who regularly describe the state of education as dire. Dreadful behaviour, no funding, days spent on crowd control rather than actual teaching, children falling through the cracks, classrooms falling apart, pressure to hit their academies’ targets rather than do what’s best for the kids, they can’t even afford gluesticks. This insight into education from a teacher’s perspective has also informed my decision to home ed.

However when I said I was going to home educate, suddenly schools are wonderful and I’m making a terrible mistake. It started a few weeks ago when a teacher friend mentioned our children will be in the same class and since then the comments about how awful home ed is have kept coming. I’ve been shrugging it off to avoid an argument, but I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’ve spent years validating how broken the system is, for both teachers and children, and yet the moment I choose to opt out of it, it becomes the only way to educate a child.

For context, my husband and I are both well-educated and take our child’s learning seriously. I feel comfortable teaching the early foundations like reading, writing and maths, and we plan to build projects around history, geography, science and whatever else our child shows an interest in. Beyond that, we haven’t planned anything because our child is still one. As we go through it, we’ll learn about what works for our family, and we’ll have seen how other home ed families approach things as children get older. We haven’t ruled out school further down the line either; it might turn out to be the right fit at some stage.

I’m not looking to convince anyone or get into a debate about home ed vs school. We’ve made our decision and we’re comfortable with it. I just find the contradiction so confusing and a bit hurtful. These are people who in some cases we’ve know for years, know how seriously we take our child’s wellbeing, and have spent years telling us the system is broken. I want to say firmly we’ve made a decision and we don’t want to hear anything else about it, but I also don’t want to lose long standing friends over it.

OP posts:
TheDevilWears · 03/06/2026 23:56

I chose to Home Educate my DDs. I experienced much the same response but it was my decision to make. For lots of reasons it worked for me. I had my DDs quite late (41 & 42), I wanted to spend the time with them and I wanted us to travel the world in an unrestricted way. Which we did. They’re 17 & 16 now, the eldest is at college studying for her A Levels, the youngest will sit her GCSEs in the summer. They both decided at different times to try school but didn’t enjoy it … they’re mature, fun, emotionally intelligent and creative. Mainstream education isn’t for everyone. This is worth a watch

Homeeddy · 04/06/2026 09:05

Love that video @TheDevilWears

ChocolatesAndRainbows · 04/06/2026 09:14

have you considered Montessori btw. It’s a lot more play based education.

Easytoconfuse · 06/06/2026 15:54

hopspot · 29/05/2026 15:52

Of course teachers admit school doesn’t work for everyone. We work with children every day. We don’t spend that time ignoring children and their needs. We try our best to meet them.

The op knows their own child. Yes. Children change massively between the age of 1 and 4. I’m a lowly teacher and even I know that!

I didn't call you a lowly teacher. I wouldn't do that. I would say though that I was well aware that both my twice exceptional children (gifted and autistic) were not going to fit in by their first birthday. IMy mother looked at the milestones and said 'I think you've got a pair of Midwich Cuckoons' because they'd either come nowhere near, were massively ahead or had skipped that stage altogether. I loved them (and still do) dearly and one of my biggest regrets is that I expected school to adapt to them because they'd got SSEN. (Predecessor to EHCP's) Some teachers couldn't. Other teachers wouldn't and some 'diverted' the resources they should have had then punished them for not being able to cope.

Lovetocook49 · 09/06/2026 13:03

Elbreth · 29/05/2026 17:57

They need face-to-face contact with others, and we discuss that all the time. Just because you have never heard home educators (NOT homeschoolers) talking about this, you think we don't do it? Despite the fact that you are evidently quite closed-minded about the whole subject? They need teaching, but it doesn't need to be from someone with a one-year graduate certificate in teaching and an official job title. Which is all a teacher has on me. (I have studied for four years as I have an MA.)

"I think there will be a generation of young adults without formal qualifications, and unable to get/keep jobs due to never having to adhere to rules, regulations and wearing a uniform."

It's this kind of sheep thinking that just turns me off even engaging with most people about this. It's so silly. Each job has rules and regulations which people learn as they do the job. Not that many jobs have uniforms. There are plenty of people in the world who can show up, turn off their brains and follow rules. We need more who can take responsibility for themselves and others and show initiative.

You haven’t really addressed several of the points I made.

You focused on uniforms, which was probably the least important part of my post. My concerns were about qualifications, accountability, safeguarding and social development.

You say children get face-to-face contact. Of course they do. But attending the occasional group, club or activity is not remotely the same as spending five days a week mixing with a large and diverse group of peers, learning to work with people they haven’t chosen, resolving conflicts, cooperating in teams and functioning within a wider community.

You also ignored my question about how many families afford to home educate. One parent usually has to be available during the day. Are most families able to do that without a high-earning partner, savings, or benefits? It’s a genuine question.

As for your MA, I have one too. Having a Master’s degree demonstrates expertise in a subject. It does not automatically make someone an effective teacher. Teaching is a professional skill in its own right, which is why teacher training exists.

You also dismissed concerns about mental health. The COVID inquiry and numerous studies highlighted the impact that prolonged absence from face-to-face schooling had on many children and young people, including increased loneliness, anxiety and social isolation. That doesn’t mean school is perfect, but it does show that regular interaction with peers matters.

I am not saying home education never works. I am saying there are legitimate questions about oversight, qualifications, social development and outcomes that deserve answers rather than accusations of being “closed-minded.”

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