To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

[Annie2163]

I had a personal stylist appointment from a big departmental store thinking they would help me pick out a few outfits to make me feel good about myself as I have a few events coming up I’m nervous for. DH looked after the kids to give me time and space for this appointment (he rarely looks after them so a big surprise for me). I had really high hopes but I’m left really disappointed. I explained my style to her and even the clothes I wouldn’t wear I told her when she showed to me but I still tried on. I ended up buying 3 dresses, 3 tops and 2 trousers. It cost a lot of money as they not cheap and I felt the tailoring and fabric of expensive clothes would suit (as she told be they would). I’ve had them for a few days now and I’m not happy and I want to return. I FaceTimed my sister to show her and she agrees they don’t suit me. She thinks one dress is okay and I should keep (this dress is £190) the other 2 she said are awful as they really show the fat on my tummy whilst the other one kind of hides it with the pleats etc.

I am really upset about wasting my time and money. I kept telling the stylist my areas of concern and she kept brushing me off saying I’m probably brainwashed by social media thinking of the perfect body should look like and my body is great. But surely accentuating my worst feature (my tummy area) is not good? The rest of my body I like such as my arms and legs. I just feel I could have done a better job at picking up some pieces from cheaper brands and look better. I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me. I have to return the clothes and just look online. Has anyone actually used a personal stylist and gone away with nice clothes? My first event is next week I’m really dreading it. I’ll probably just won’t go as usual.

edited for all the typos! Sorry!

It's so awful, it's laughable.
@Annie2163 Where are you up to with help for the depression?

What a shame. It sounds like a combination of the wrong stylist and a lot of explanations on your behalf, which is understandable.i world return all of it so you don't have the sad association with the dress. It sounds like you're maybe stuck in a loop of comfort eating and feeling judged by your husband. He needs to be more supportive and encouraging and maybe you could do little things to feel more positive and move forwards. The stylist doesn't sound very good and that's rubbish but it does sound like you have some issues that might take more than the right dress to fix.
Give yourself a break, you've had two children, your body has done what it's supposed, tummy's grow to accommodate babies, try and be kind to yourself.

I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me

Off load the stuff ASAP. That will be a weight off. Cut down on those social events and plan an exit strategy.

Something might catch your eye in the store when you return the items...might get lucky.

Does your DH work away, or long hours? I'm just wondering why he doesn't look after the children?
Ask him to again and go somewhere like a good shopping centre or city centre and try things on. Think about what makes you feel good, and which colours cheer you up.
As I said, I had a terrible experience with a personal shopper, so you're not alone!

If you feel judged as a size 12/14 then God help the rest of us over that size.

Don’t you think it’s all in your head? And the power to regain confidence is also in your head? Perhaps some sort of therapy to understand why you feel like this and help you overcome your negative feelings about yourself.

The main thing with any stylist is to tell them up front
"I will not be buying today"
Get them to photograph you in the clothes they suggest
Go home
Thunk about them, maybe show friends
Buy only the ones you decide you like

At least being an in-store stylist you didn't have to pay for their services
Imagine how upset/angry you'd be if you'd wasted money on a paid stylist!

It sounds like this comes down to an inexperienced stylist, from a very different generation, meaning well but missing the mark.

As someone who holds weight on their tum and has spent my whole life covering it up, I marvel at the younger generation who often seem happy to just let it all hang out.

The stylist probably had good intentions in terms of encouraging you to feel confident and not focus on things but she clearly didn't understand the current weight of your insecurities or how hard it would be for you to overlook things.

If you can return the pieces, do.

Then I think you need to speak to good friends and family and ask for help in ascertaining what your GOOD features are and focus on them.

You say you are smaller up top? Then A-line dresses would suit. Or dresses that are tighter up top then flow outwards.

If you want to experiment with different styles and shapes, go thrifting. Try new things at home and get a feel for what you like and what suits you. Return what you don't like and feel good about not overspending and giving back to charity.

There are LOTS of SM pages with stylists giving tips and tricks for different body shapes.

I know that voice in your head is heavy right now, and not helped by your DH being a dick, but you need to give yourself credit for booking the stylist in the first place and trying new things.

Did it work out 100% great? No, BUT you did it, you like one of the pieces and hopefully you learned something you can take forward.

The vipers are great at helping out with clothes and finding nice pieces.

I'm sure we can have you sorted for those upcoming events.x.

This doesn't surprise me ...

Was it John Lewis? I did that too and came out with some rubbish clothes and frustrated I'd bothered. I find clothes so difficult and thought I'd finally found the solution so it was very demoralising.

My confidence was rock bottom as I was stress eating. I've been on wegovy for a year now and have never been happier with my body and health. It's not just the weight loss - it's the mindset shift, my compulsive desires (for food, alcohol, nicotine etc) reduced and it's made me much calmer. You could go on an online private pharmacy and have a look.

@Annie2163 definitely return the clothes - i bought a ton from Reiss ages ago for work and i felt like i was definitely too big for them all and the stylist just got it very wrong/was trying to make her commission. I didnt wear any of the stuff and eventually went to charit. However when i was pregnant ages ago, i did one with Topshop and it was fab and i never looked better!

I cant think of a store id love now though.....cant you just buy tons and do a trial and error thing?

Hi OP, I’d return the clothes. I think as we get older we definitely need to dress for our shape. I’d even be tempted to upload a photo to ChatGPT and ask what body shape you are and what shape and style clothes would suit you. I asked it to do my colours recently and it was really good with visuals etc I saved to help shop for new makeup and clothes.

Also, you DH sounds unkind and exacerbating your low confidence.

Could you just reframe OP?
Everyone has got body issues, partly because the ideal of perfection is so different for everyone. Meaning actually it’s a pointless ideal if it’s judged by the validation of other people. It’s just a (pretty negative) impossible to meet standard, an ideal doesn’t even really exist in human form. Add to that, that pretty much everyone has their own body issues in their own head, that come from their own insecurities, and which often relate to things others don’t even see.

I have felt not ‘myself’ in a body that I recognise any more after pregnancy but now I just think fuck it. Childbirth and changing weight is just part of life. Nobody worth anything is judging you (and sorry to say that includes your DH). He sounds mean and is I am going to guess he is not constantly working o his own body or of a perfect model look himself? So why should you be?

The truth is most normal people are very busy dealing with their own shit on multiple levels in this difficult time in the world, so most people really don’t have the attention to scrutinise how everyone else is looking. Genuinely. They just don’t care. And that’s fine. So just don’t worry about it. Go to your event, chat to people and have fun, get to know some new people.

And if it helps- maybe think through in advance, what’s the worst that can happen? Some idiot maybe thinks ‘oh maybe she’s pregnant’. So what, really?
You can have a few lines in the back of your mind for ways to say, thanks, you just have a normal post birth body, if they are wierd enough to ask you about it directly which lost people wouldn’t do.

So don’t limit yourself or stress yourself out, or spend lots of money that you might not have on this. Your physical health and mental health is the most important thing to worry about here. If you focus on that instead, hopefully you’ll feel a lot better soon.

Your DH doesn’t sound as if he’s particularly nice to you, I’d save yourself the stress of going to his lunch and just not go. Why should you go - he puts you down, he doesn’t do his fair share of caring for his children, etc. Stay home and relax.

I’m really sorry OP, but I think the issue here goes far beyond what any personal stylist could do. Your husband is the one destroying your confidence.
I went through a long period of not feeling like myself at all after weight gain, completely stopped doing anything for myself really, but DP has been key to helping me get back on my feet, I probably wouldn’t have dared to wear half the things I wear now if he wasn’t by my side.

I never booked a personal stylist but even in stores like John Lewis etc I think it’s key to have one that matches your vibe. For example in my case no way in hell I’d be wearing cream or beige, I find them dreadful on me.
I would also look online for influencers etc with a similar shape to yours to help you gauge what you’re looking for and what suits you.

OP you are probably depressed because your husband is such a twat to you.

Return all the clothes and feed back to the store OP. As an aside, Ive used Gemini (AI) to help me work out what clothes suit me best, including colours. And I always take a snap of myself in anything new I buy and ask the AI for feed back on style and fit before I decide whether to keep or send back. I also use an app called Indyx which is essentially a digital wardrobe of all my clothes. You can assemble outfits from them. I don’t pay for a stylist to do this. I do it myself. I now have a wardrobe full of clothes that fit me well and make me feel great.

OP I booked a slot at J Lewis for my friend with a stylist. It was awful and I felt guilty! So it’s not just you.

Your husband is a dick. And there are always ways to look good, whatever your size. I am an odd shape but know how to make the best of it! There is def an outfit out there for you x

Completely agree with this. Would come to MN for style advice before anywhere else. Seen some great advice on here which I've sneakily copied to good effect. Plus also the all important honesty (usually very kindly given) which you won't get from anyone trying to sell you stuff.

I’d recommend looking at style me happy online. They do colour and body shape analyses as well as a course about how to feel confident choosing clothes. They also have regular ‘mini shops’ with recommendations by colour and shape. They are brill and it has really helped my confidence to know for sure what suits me. I tried asking chat gpt for a colour analysis to see what it said and it gave the opposite of my style me happy analysis and made me look dead!

Keep the clothes and return the husband

he rarely looks after them

That's a much bigger issue than anything to do with clothes or your appearance.

Return them and complain. Simple. You know what suits you. She didn't listen so didn't do her job properly.

🤣

Nah get rid of both.

Have you actually thought about what is going under your outfits? That can give you so much shapewise and smooth lumps and bumps

Try lookeirio it's like a personal stylist but online and cheaper