To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

[Annie2163]

I had a personal stylist appointment from a big departmental store thinking they would help me pick out a few outfits to make me feel good about myself as I have a few events coming up I’m nervous for. DH looked after the kids to give me time and space for this appointment (he rarely looks after them so a big surprise for me). I had really high hopes but I’m left really disappointed. I explained my style to her and even the clothes I wouldn’t wear I told her when she showed to me but I still tried on. I ended up buying 3 dresses, 3 tops and 2 trousers. It cost a lot of money as they not cheap and I felt the tailoring and fabric of expensive clothes would suit (as she told be they would). I’ve had them for a few days now and I’m not happy and I want to return. I FaceTimed my sister to show her and she agrees they don’t suit me. She thinks one dress is okay and I should keep (this dress is £190) the other 2 she said are awful as they really show the fat on my tummy whilst the other one kind of hides it with the pleats etc.

I am really upset about wasting my time and money. I kept telling the stylist my areas of concern and she kept brushing me off saying I’m probably brainwashed by social media thinking of the perfect body should look like and my body is great. But surely accentuating my worst feature (my tummy area) is not good? The rest of my body I like such as my arms and legs. I just feel I could have done a better job at picking up some pieces from cheaper brands and look better. I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me. I have to return the clothes and just look online. Has anyone actually used a personal stylist and gone away with nice clothes? My first event is next week I’m really dreading it. I’ll probably just won’t go as usual.

edited for all the typos! Sorry!

Buyer's remorse. No-one forced you to buy the items.

One way the DH might encourage self confidence would be to reassure the Op of his affection and not compare her to other women. But that’s off topic.
S&B contributors will hopefully be able to give you a bit of help Op.

Return the stuff and trust your own judgement. No one knows your body and your preferences better than you.

Reminds me of when I took a make up course 20 years ago. The tutor was "the expert" and kept insisting bright red lipstick was the only evening look which I could possibly wear. I look RIDICULOUS in any sort of red lipstick. I look like I have no lips at all, and look like a kid playing dress up/like a clown. I kept telling her a dusky rose or even soft candy pink suits me so much better but she wouldn't have it.

I find so many of these experts simply push their own agenda onto us.

Trust yourself!

There are lots of YouTube stylists who focus on dressing for certain body types and cover current high street fashion. I would start looking at some of them to figure out what styles work and what doesn’t for your body, which I am guessing is an “apple”. Just try searching “dressing for apple shapes” and see what outfits they recommend and what you like. I really hope you find some nice outfits that make you feel a million dollars! Your H sounds like a total dick.

edit to add: This lady on YouTube is pretty good. The video is a bit old, but good tips for large bust/apple tummy/slender legs/size 14.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Uak_fyXUpd8&pp=ygUaRHJlc3NpbmcgZm9yIGFuIGFwcGxlIGJvZHk%3D&ra=m

I was thinking about doing this, then looked in the mirror and thought: cut out all bread, cake and stick to a minimal portion, in 3 months go to Primark, size 8 and all clothes will look divine on you. Size 8 with hourglass figure and massive boobs

I knew from the comment that your DH never looks after his own kids in your first post that it would transpire he's an arsehole.

You don't have a wardrobe problem, you have a DH problem. Ditch him and see how quickly you feel better about yourself.

They can only bring out the clothes they have in store. I had a styling session at John Lewis, the clothes were so expensive I ran away. They also wanted to put me in drab Hush dresses and trainers. It just wasn't stylish enough for me. Try something like a Melissa Murrell online shop instead.

OP, please don't take offense but I think the problem isn't the clothes but you seem to be suffering from low self esteem which is giving you anxiety.
Take the clothes back if you need to and choose some more. If you could get another stylist that would be good but she should only be helping you, not making final decision.
I have a similar shape to you and am conscious of my pot tummy. Remember it always looks worse to you as you are looking downwards. Before you shop have a look at other women and you will notice a lot of us have a tummy. I have tried control top underwater in the past but find them uncomfortable. I like layered dresses (especially layered diagnal) and tops and jackets that graze the hip line.

Melissa Murrell is the stylist in the video I linked above, and I second looking at her shop as well as her videos.

Op - just wanted you to say that I’ve been where you are with regard to lack of body confidence and your DH sounds very similar indeed to my ex. I can’t emphasise enough how much his words, actions, lack of care and comparisons will be a contributing factor to how you feel. It’s the drip effect whilst you are shouldering all the emotional and practical load of parenting. In my case it just got worse and worse as time went on. It is rejection and cruelty from the one person who should have your back and raise you up. It took many years for me to dig deep and leave and the peace I have now is incomparable. I still have body confidence issues but the absence of someone criticising me daily has made a huge difference to how I address these, how I feel in my own home, developing boundaries, who I choose to see and what I choose to wear etc. i started writing down his comments at one stage and it makes me so sad to now look back at what I put up with and how it became internalised blame. For me, a real epiphany was thinking I never want my child to feel like this in a relationship. Finding a good counsellor to help might give you some much needed space to reflect.

With regard to clothing, Whistles is a good go to for good quality fabrics in more flattering styles if you are more of an apple shape. At the cheaper end New Look is great for dresses. Accessories are definitely key and where you can splurge, getting hair, make up & nails etc. done really help you feel good.

There is another option too - just don’t go! We are so conditioned to be people pleasers, especially when lacking confidence. I’ve found I’m much better at declining things as I’ve got older. It is truly liberating. A simple excuse usually does the trick and voila you instantly feel the stress lift. Instead enjoy taking the kids somewhere you all like, no pressure, no-one scrutinising your appearance just fun! I recommend it! x

Return the items. If you don;t fee comfortable in them you won't wear them. It sounds like the personal stylist was inexperienced.

my size is 12 in tops and dresses, 14 in trousers. I don’t know what my body shape is but my face, arms and legs are slim and all the weight is on my stomach area.

I understand this. I'm a size smaller on top (especially my shoulders) than I am on the bottom with my tummy area being the problem area. This makes dresses particularly difficult. The brands that I have found that suit me and make me feel good about myself are Paige (very expensive as the dress I have is silk but it is so work it, Sandro (more form fitting but the fabric drapes in the right place to minimise my tummy) and some Seasalt styles. Usually styles with soft folds or ruching around the stomach area. Also some Uniqglo styles. For other clothes I tend to veer towards Mango, Uniqglo, some Ralph Lauren and Hobbs.

Sorry to hear your husband has made you feel so bad that this is the outcome, you need to be strong and tell that man that you had his kids! of course your body will not stay the same!

How dare he compare you. Make sure you both come up with a plan that includes respect and time for you on a weekly basis!

I 2nd portion control of carbs, and cutting out as much refined sugar as possible. Aim for healthy not body that idiot husband will enjoy more... do it for you op!

What a massively unhelpful response to someone struggling with depression, body image issues and an unsupportive partner. Feel better about yourself now?

If only it was that easy, the entire weight loss industry wouldn't exist if it were that simple!

I have a friend whose experience was similar to yours, she was given a session with a stylist at a well known department store as a gift and had a horrible time.
She is middle aged and a very standard size and weight but this stylist was very critical and superior and upset her terribly.
She felt he only wanted to deal with size 10 twenty-somethings. She did not like his choices much but felt intimidated and pressured into buying things. She did complain about him later and I think returned some items.
Someone was clearly in the wrong job!

If these stylists are on commission, especially to shift some styles that aren't selling on the shop floor, then there's a chance they are dressing you for their commission and to push that unsold stock, not to make you look good. And yes, feeling obligated to buy because they have spent lots of time pushing crap on with you is par for the course, even when you have actually paid for the service.

Wow you have a lot going on! Be kind to yourself as you are doing amazingly well juggling all those plates.

I had a poor experience with what was supposed to be a luxury product and I felt deflated and ripped off. Please return everything and try ordering several outfits from a website which allows easy returns so you can try when you get a minute to yourself (?!). You have good grounds under the Consumer Rights Act 2015. You paid for a service and were miss-sold.

My tummy is also the area I prefer to hide and floaty summer print dress with a matching longline top work for me. For more casual it’s elasticised trousers with a longline skimming top.

Sorry your husband is not supportive 😢

As someone who has had their own image consultation business for over 10 years, I can tell you that the stylists in department stores tend to pick things that are 'stylish' from the store rather than someone who has a proper understanding of body type, colouring and personal style.
From what you are saying, if you are carrying a lot of weight on your stomach usually you will have slim legs. So, show off your legs. Choose a colour that suits you and pick a dress that doesn't wrap tightly or draw attention to the waist. Some dresses that wrap at the waist can suit but that depends totally on how your waist length and weight distribution is.
Look for something that has a vertical pattern so it will elongate the waist.
Google apple shape because that is what sounds closest to you and you'll get loads of options that you can go have a try on. Best of luck to you!

Return them.

I've had a stylist twice. First time (Fenwicks) the stylist was great and I still wear some of the items (it was 20 years ago). She had a huge rack of fabulous clothes ready, all in my size. Then she took me round the store and pulled clothes for me to try on. Second time (John Lewis) was awful. It was a slim young lady stylist, who's idea of 'style' for me was grey, frumpy old lady stuff. I may be old, but I am definitely NOT frumpy or grey!

I would recommend looking at style me happy and joining here Facebook page. She does colour and body analysis for fairly low cost and it's really helped me. The Facebook page is great for people helping you with suggestions.

OP, at the size etc you say you are, I bet that objectively you look great - if not exactly the same as your pre-children self. My body definitely changed shape, even though my weight was the same or less.

I'm so sorry this treat didn't deliver. It does sound as though (sorry to be ageist) you could have done with a more experienced person. This lady sounds as though she was trotting out cliches she'd been trained to say and not listening hard enough to what you were saying - which is what personal stylists are supposed to prioritise.

I'm not one for spiteful reviews, but I would give a bit of feedback to the store and say that you didn't feel listened to - and possibly a bit rushed into things???

Return the things you're not happy with. I hope you will try and go to the event that's coming up. I know it's no use me, a random on MN, saying that I bet you'll look lovely, but if you have a dress which you ARE happy with, you most probab ly will.

Take your time to choose better things - I don't know what your preferences are but, if you've got a good budget to spend you should definitely not be rushed into decisions.

Good luck!

What a sensitive, helpful, understanding, constructive and supportive response.

NOT.

I feel your pain. I had a personal stylist at John Lewis once - never again. I explained about what I wanted and she brought me these awful baggy beige items. She also brought me the ugliest pair of shoes I've ever seen. Just awful. Absolutely no idea. I felt that she was just thought because I was older I would be drawn to terrible stuff! Waste of time.