To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

[Annie2163]

I had a personal stylist appointment from a big departmental store thinking they would help me pick out a few outfits to make me feel good about myself as I have a few events coming up I’m nervous for. DH looked after the kids to give me time and space for this appointment (he rarely looks after them so a big surprise for me). I had really high hopes but I’m left really disappointed. I explained my style to her and even the clothes I wouldn’t wear I told her when she showed to me but I still tried on. I ended up buying 3 dresses, 3 tops and 2 trousers. It cost a lot of money as they not cheap and I felt the tailoring and fabric of expensive clothes would suit (as she told be they would). I’ve had them for a few days now and I’m not happy and I want to return. I FaceTimed my sister to show her and she agrees they don’t suit me. She thinks one dress is okay and I should keep (this dress is £190) the other 2 she said are awful as they really show the fat on my tummy whilst the other one kind of hides it with the pleats etc.

I am really upset about wasting my time and money. I kept telling the stylist my areas of concern and she kept brushing me off saying I’m probably brainwashed by social media thinking of the perfect body should look like and my body is great. But surely accentuating my worst feature (my tummy area) is not good? The rest of my body I like such as my arms and legs. I just feel I could have done a better job at picking up some pieces from cheaper brands and look better. I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me. I have to return the clothes and just look online. Has anyone actually used a personal stylist and gone away with nice clothes? My first event is next week I’m really dreading it. I’ll probably just won’t go as usual.

edited for all the typos! Sorry!

Return the clothes and email the store with what you've said here. Not as a complaint, but as feedback on your experience.

That she didn't listen to what you wanted.

That she dismissed what you said you wanted to avoid.

That you didn't feel she met your needs at all.

First of all please don’t hide yourself away ❤️ Most people are far more focused on themselves than analysing someone else’s body.

Spanx, Skims and the M&S shapewear range are genuinely great if you want a bit more confidence/smoothing under dresses and tailored trousers. Ruched dresses/tops are also SO flattering around the stomach area and usually make people feel way more comfortable.

Body shape wise, save this chart and see which one you feel closest to, then people can suggest cuts/styles that work really well for that shape.”

Also if you’re comfortable sharing, your skin tone, hair colour and eye colour can help people suggest colours that will really suit you too.

On the confidence/weight side, try not to fall into fad diets. If you search a macro calculator online, put your height/weight in and always select low activity to start with. Then pair that with increasing steps slowly week by week. It honestly makes a massive difference physically and mentally without becoming overwhelming. Even a 15–30 minute walk outside every day can really help mood, bloating and energy levels. Drinking plenty of water helps too.

But ultimately you deserve to go to events and enjoy yourself now, not only once you’ve changed your body ❤️

I find all these personal stylists are just a load of rubbish. They will only sell you what they have in the store. And a good stylist will first determine your body shape. And color analysis!
pointless buying clothing if you don’t know what shape or color palette suits you.

Your post also sounded odd to me. OP said she had tried the clothes on and the clothes were bought for events so doubtful she has been wearing them out and about. I've never had a problem returning clothes to a large department store, I really doubt this will be an issue for OP.

OP why are you with your husband? What is he bringing to your life. He sounds awful and I imagine your self esteem would improve massively if you ditched him.

Awwww what a disappointment. Absolutely rerun the things you don’t like. I’d return the 190 dress as I bet there are other styles for much less.

Come on over to Style and Beauty and list your size, any budget, all the stuff you just posted here (maybe a link to the dress you do like) and the lovely supportive enablers will find you some fab stuff!

Op you sound very similar to myself body wise, i am constantly trying to cover my stomach area as i also look 6 months pregnant most of the time, but arms/legs/face im slim, i don’t really have a style but in summer months when i can hide my stomach with baggy hoodies i try to go for anything that doesn’t have a waist band- dresses that flow from under the boobs, playsuits and jumpsuits that also hang from the boob area so it just sort of skims my stomach.

I have found the best styling advice has come from small independent boutique type shops. The one I went to the owner, who was a 50 year old woman, was used to buying for each season and was incredibly stylish herself. She listened to me, gently challenged me and I came away with things I still wear years later. Do you have any good independent boutique type shops near you @Annie2163 ?

I also agree with a PP who mentioned following someone on Instagram who has a similar figure and puts looks together on a daily basis. I follow backofthewardrobe70 as she has a similar shape to me but there are lots of others.

Oh for goodness sake. Does the way I express myself matter so much? I'm not submitting a creative writing piece for assessment.
The OP will know whether what I've said is relevant or not, and I was posting to try to be of some use to her. How I sound to you isn't important on her thread. Maybe focus on the question we were asked and the person who asked it.

Your post seemed to imply that even if she had just tried on the clothes (which is all OP had stated she had done) she wouldn't be able to return. Which is wrong.

I gave my advice to the OP.

Have you tried a fit and flare dress? They cover your tummy area and can be really flattering. Monsoon have some in the sale at the min, think theyre £70, and really lovely.

Return the things you don’t like. You’re not obliged to bow to the ‘experts’ and it’s very subjective! Problem with the department store stylists is that they are selling what’s in store - meaning what is ‘current’ now and often quite trendy (although they’ll tell you it’s timeless.) rather than thinking about the individual items I think it’s better to look at defining your overall style identity so you can have a ‘look’ (that you like and feel inspired by!) rather than just items you wear as some sort of perceived ‘stylish’ uniform.
I used to work as a stylist, if you’d like some friendly (free!) help drop me a dm. Xox

That just sounds like she hustled you into buying loads of expensive clothes you hate! Useless.

I loved being a stylist. You have to listen as well as guide though. And as I wasn't selling clothes I didn't try and upsell anything.

I had an appointment at John Lewis and felt the stylist didn’t really listen to what I was saying, for example I’d said I wanted to look younger and on trend and she kept pushing some trainers with zips that looked like something my mum would wear. There were also items that just did not suit me at all but she was convinced it did like a coat that absolutely swamped me.

The only thing I came away with was a properly measured new bra though as she pointed out I had a poorly-fitting one which was having a negative impact on how my outfits looked generally.

Sounds like you have a few issues to deal with, like your unsupportive dh who thinks all childcare falls on you.

First off, don’t miss your clothing return window, take it all back (except anything you really love).

@Annie2163 from your description, your body shape is what used to be referred to as an "apple" shape.

What size bust are you if you don't mind me asking? Also skin tone, hair and eye colour?

To add. 12 top and 14 bottom is not large! Your husband can get in the fucking bin!

For dresses, search for a-line, empire line (if your bust is not huge) or wrap style dresses which all support disguising your midriff

The trick is to try to balance the shape, so for tops and trousers v necks tighter round the bust and looser round the middle, boot- cut jeans or tailored trousers and a single-breasted suit jacket.

I went to 2 separate appointments, one with my mum and one with my MIL when they were looking for dresses for our wedding. Their style and colouring is completely different, so is their height and shape, all this was noted on the booking form
They pulled pretty much the same dresses from the same brands, I'm almost certain they get commission from these brands and that's why they're pulled, they're not personal at all.

I don't think this is about a stylist. Can you book a few sessions with a reputabe therapist to get some support?

Re the clothes, I've done this over the years. Some good, some lousy experiences.

I think wide leg trousers and nice tops/good shoes/ good hair can be a lift.
Also a massage.

Some really good examples of dress types here

Apple Shaped Body Dress Style Guide 2026 - Ever-Pretty UK https://share.google/sDwd1w7YvSsiUCjtI

@Annie2163 Can you not attend some of those events? Work out an exit strategy.

Start two new threads, one in S&B for the clothes and one in Relationships to deal with your DH issues.

Post links to both here.

You'll get more useful advice if people aren't trying to address both (although they are linked!)

Hi @Annie2163 , I can’t see that anyone else has also suggested this, but as a fellow apple, who’s weight has fluctuated, I would also suggest some decent shapewear - that has been the only thing which has given me body confidence in formal situations. I have found shapermint camis or shorts incredibly good. They may need some effort to get in, but they really hold and shape well and don’t roll down. You have to be okay with the sensation of being held in, but I find that a flatter tummy as a result makes it all worthwhile!

I also find separates a preference too, like you my top and bottom are different sizes and I rarely find dresses which therefore fit both well. That’s just my preference though!

Return the clothes and the good ladies of MN will sort you out!

I think maybe what the stylist was thinking was that if your figure is generally thin, don't hide in tents because of a bit of a bulge that others probably don't think is bad at all.

But, while that can look objectively better, it's the wearer who battles body confidence and you need to take that into consideration in what you choose. It's abut feeling good not just looking objectively better,

I left my latest JL appointment before it had even begun! They had basically forgotten I was coming, not read the notes you fill in before hand and the stylist didn't look stylish. She looked at me and asked in a silly voice what kind of thing I was after!
I emailed JL and nothing back.
Poor.

Have you tried the dresses in with shapewear if you’re concerned about your stomach?

Edited to add - if you don’t like them take them back but better undies might make you feel more confident.

Also your DH is an arsehole

@Annie2163
So sorry you feel this way and are suffering with depression.

Just wanted to say - you said your DH wished you were more self assured - not slimmer/better dressed etc, but self assured - which is about your attitude and mood, not about your appearance.

It feels like you feel insecure about how you look, so you're projecting this externally. Which is entirely understandable and normal, but generally leads to the wrong solutions.

In your wardrobe do you have something, even just one thing, that makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself?
Wear that. Go to the events. Remember that others are not as interested in us, nor are they judging us as we believe, because they're busy having all the same worries about themselves.

Depression is a horrible thing, but it sounds like you would benefit more from getting treatment/therapy/medication for that than you would from getting style advice, as it doesn't sound to me like your style is the actual problem.

And if, once you've got the depression under control, you did want to make changes, you'd find it way easier then, because the nature of depression is that it makes everything far more difficult and scary than it would be otherwise.

Best of luck.