To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

[Annie2163]

I had a personal stylist appointment from a big departmental store thinking they would help me pick out a few outfits to make me feel good about myself as I have a few events coming up I’m nervous for. DH looked after the kids to give me time and space for this appointment (he rarely looks after them so a big surprise for me). I had really high hopes but I’m left really disappointed. I explained my style to her and even the clothes I wouldn’t wear I told her when she showed to me but I still tried on. I ended up buying 3 dresses, 3 tops and 2 trousers. It cost a lot of money as they not cheap and I felt the tailoring and fabric of expensive clothes would suit (as she told be they would). I’ve had them for a few days now and I’m not happy and I want to return. I FaceTimed my sister to show her and she agrees they don’t suit me. She thinks one dress is okay and I should keep (this dress is £190) the other 2 she said are awful as they really show the fat on my tummy whilst the other one kind of hides it with the pleats etc.

I am really upset about wasting my time and money. I kept telling the stylist my areas of concern and she kept brushing me off saying I’m probably brainwashed by social media thinking of the perfect body should look like and my body is great. But surely accentuating my worst feature (my tummy area) is not good? The rest of my body I like such as my arms and legs. I just feel I could have done a better job at picking up some pieces from cheaper brands and look better. I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me. I have to return the clothes and just look online. Has anyone actually used a personal stylist and gone away with nice clothes? My first event is next week I’m really dreading it. I’ll probably just won’t go as usual.

edited for all the typos! Sorry!

Return the items!

I agree! I feel so upset. This wasn’t a cheap thing. I spent so much money. The stylist was really young and seemed really inexperienced at what I was asking - clothes that make me feel confident and don’t accentuate my stomach area.?

Return.
Put on here what size, shape you are, what you want to cover, likes etc... there are some great people on here which will come up with some recommendations. Have found some fabulous items by suggestions on here.

Absolutely return the clothes you don't like if you can, I'm guessing you spent a lot of money and it would all be wasted if you didn't get something you absolutely loved and felt amazing in.

I've never had a personal styling session but I very much know my no-goes clothing wise (absolutely nothing that doesn't have at least a half-sleeve) so I would be really unimpressed if I stipulated this and they came back with everything sleeveless.

Thank you @Rocketpants50 @scoobydeedoo

shall I post my size here or personal stylist board?

my size is 12 in tops and dresses, 14 in trousers. I don’t know what my body shape is but my face, arms and legs are slim and all the weight is on my stomach area. Some people who don’t know me assume I’m pregnant! Which is embarrassing so I’ve stopped going to events. I have 2 formal dinners coming up, a family barbecue in a garden where everyone will be dressed in tea dresses type and a lunch with husbands new job colleagues. I’m dreading the formal and lunch with husbands colleagues. I’m feeling really low about self and usually just want to hide at events. My confidence is rock bottom

Hi op, it sounds like there’s a lot going on here and you’re feeling really down about it. I’m sorry, be kind to yourself! It might help to untangle the threads a bit as it sounds like from your post that it’s all got tangled up.

so here’s what I see

1. the stylist was young and inexperienced and didnt meet your needs. That’s disappointing and not the outcome anyone would want from such a treat, but doesn’t mean all stylists are the same. I’m sorry your appointment was disappointing.
2. having had some time to get used to them you don’t like most of the clothes - ok, take them back and get a refund, nothing lost.
3. you are nervous about the event - have you said this to your husband? Perhaps he can help you to feel more supported and confident. Maybe once you have the refund the two of you could have some fun picking out some clothes online to try. His picks might be dreadful but he might surprise you!
4. you probably won’t go to the event, because you’re feeling bad about all of the above. Can you see that nothing above is actually anything to do with the event, and that your negative feelings about it are all mixed up with other things? youre thinking the worst, but what if you go to the event, have a nice time and it all goes right?

@CurlsLDN thank you for your kind words and breaking it down for me. Yes you are right I am feeling really mixed up with everything. I do have depression and anxiety. My DH is not supportive. Since I got bigger after kids he’s not been nice to me so these events were my way to look nice I think for him. I see the way he looks and compares me to others. He’s often said to me he wishes I was like other women and more self assured. I had really high hopes for this styling session but I really can’t wear the dresses! One literally looks like I’m 6 months pregnant as it’s tight on the stomach area so shows everything

Pop over to the style and beauty threads, they’ll help you find the perfect outfit.

If you make a post on style and beauty OP you'll get lots of advice, its helpful if you include things like dress size, height, any strong preferences around things like colours / patterns, what you feel your best and worst areas are, the sort of events you want clothes for and budget (so if say you have £500 to spend on 3 outfits or whatever). It might be helpful to include a link to the dress you like and are keeping to give an idea of the sort of things you prefer.

There are lots of posters on the S&B board who are very good at finding and suggesting clothes!

You have a dh problem. But yes return them all.

Are you on medication? Have you spoken to the Dr about your stomach? It could be water retention or anything? Mine has gone down with exercise and possibly taking magnesium? Best to get it checked if you haven't though.

Definitely take them back. Have you tried spanx type stuff. Or something corseted. You're slim but it sounds like your belly needs support.

Given you've had kids and you say the rest of you is slim I'd say your belly probably isn't fat, but your muscles have been weakened by the pregnancies and aren't holding you in.

If your husband has such a problem with your appearance (🙄 prick) will he have the kids so you can go to the gym? If not, you could do some home workouts focusing on your belly, there are lots routines on the internet targeting strengthening your core after pregnancy. It's important and will benefit your health as well as your mental health.

It’s stress eating. My diet is very bad. I don’t think it’s anything medically wrong as I tend to hold weight on ny tummy area

Start a new thread in Style and Beauty, @Annie2163.

I’m sorry the appointment didn’t go well for you. But it does sound as if you have a few other worries.

Have you only recently moved to the areas you live in? (As you mention your husband’s new job.) It can be hard bringing up children if you’re isolated from both family and friends. Possibly your children aren’t school age yet - in which case you may make some connections once they start.

It’s problematic if your husband rarely looks after his own children - whatever the reason. Is there a way to address this? You’d feel a lot less stressed if you had more free time to yourself.

It might be an idea to see your GP regarding the weight on your stomach. If there’s no medical issue they should be able to direct you to the best places to help sort it out. But ask yourself why you are ‘stress eating’. (I think you’ve given us a clue …) Regularly missing events because of your body is something you need to get on top of as soon as possible. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for your children if you seem ‘out of things’. And it compounds your husband’s lack of respect towards you.

Do try S&B!

Can you post images of you in the dresses, just don’t show your face/head?

Thank you. My kids are 6 and 9 so both in primary school but I still rarely get time to myself as i work full time. Yes we moved 2 years ago and husband has moved sectors so started new job this month. Thank you for your kind words.

Sounds like you need to gain a bit of confidence back in your life- how much time do you have for yourself? Maybe if your husband wants you to be like all those others maybe he needs to make sure you have time for you.

I can try later. I’m actually still in bed! About to wake up soon

So he compares you to others and is horrible to you but wishes you were more self-assured? This is abusive. What an asshole. 💐 Can you return him? 😡

I don’t really have much time but I think the time I do have I waste! So I work term time and drop kids off to bc and after school clubs and pick them up on my way from work. As I’m depressed feel I have loads of time just sitting in the sofa rather than doing things with the kids. I really dread everyday things like going to class parties as I feel judged

I can't advise on the other issues going on for you.

I DEFINITELY can't find outfits for you, at I'm rubbish at doing it for myself.

I came to say not every personal stylist is the same. I've used a lot over the years (see second sentence). I still wear clothes the really good ones selected years ago. I never buy clothes from the naff ones who don't listen.

My appointments are booked with John Lewis now. I always used to go to Debenhams - they were brilliant as the clothes were a range of prices. I'm not sure if any other shops offer these appointments for free.

Hopefully the S&B board will help you find something you feel fabulous in for the first event.

Your DH sounds really horrible, I’m sorry OP. You’ve given birth to your kids and you’re obviously having a tough time, please give yourself some care and love.

The stylist appointment sounds rubbish, but it sounds like it’s dredged up your feelings of insecurity.

Given you have one dress you like, can you spend some of the money you get returned from the other items on a treat for yourself before the next event? Pedicure, hair cut or massage? Then wear that dress for your garden party. Can you take your sister shopping with you next time instead? Or a friend? Have lunch or coffee and take a break from the kids. Tell your husband he needs to take them for the day.

Also I would be having serious words with your husband about how he talks to you - it’s actually quite shocking.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Thank you so much everyone! I will post to SB board once I get up. Hope you all have a lovely day x

OP you sound so self-critical and low about your appearance. Please recognise that this is a current self-esteem issue and not that you are in some way unacceptably unattractive. It’s awful that you are dreading events because you think you don’t look good.

Definitely return the clothes. To be honest, I would return them in person, ask to speak to a manager and say how disappointing the appointment was and what can they do about it to improve your terrible impression of the store.

I am not a style and beauty person at all but I know the board here is wonderful and people put lots of effort into helping people in exactly the situation you are describing.

I would really try to change my self-talk if I felt like you do. There is no way people will be judging you as you imagine. Very best of luck in finding suitable things.

I had a very similar experience in John Lewis a few years ago. There's a description of the stylists when you go to book and I think I the one I wanted wasn't available at the time I could do. Nothing I was shown was me, apart from one Ted Baker top which I bought then returned almost immediately because I realised I already had something very similar that hadn't cost £70!

The person I saw was young, didn't get me, suggested shapes and colours that didn't work for my body type or colouring. Very disappointing.

You could try returning the clothes. However, if you're in the UK, it's doubtful the law would be on your side as typically you only have the right to return garments in specific circumstances, and are otherwise relying on the good will of the retailer.
Most would not have a policy where you could wear the garments for a time and return if you still didn't like them. You can see this would be open to abuse as people would return items for refunds after wearing for an occasion.
Your contract with the stylist may have given you additional rights, perhaps, but you need to check the small print. Otherwise you may only be able to return the unworn items.
If this leaves you with things you don't like, then you could try experimenting by pairing them with different items. So a dress that doesn't hang well over your stomach may still work with a cardigan/jacket. Something that's not 'you' could feel more comfortable paired with something that is. Like the new trousers with a top you love.